אני לדודי ודודי לי. During the month of Elul, we receive a special outpouring of love from Hashem. He wants to be close to us, and wants us to come back to Him no matter how far we’ve strayed. A parent always loves his or her child. Even if the child has ignored and disgraced his parent for years, the parent wants nothing more than for the child to want to return.
Rabbi Shlomo Diamond told the story of a boy from New York who got into a fight with his parents and ran away from home. He moved to Los Angeles and got involved in drugs and alcohol, without ever even telling his parents where he was. After a while, he found himself without any money and without a place to stay, and so he just roamed the streets. Finally, one night at 3am he decided to call his parents. His father picked up the phone.
“Dad,” the boy said, “it’s me. I want to come home.”
“Of course,” the father said. “Come right now.”
“But I’m in LA, and I have no money for a flight.”
“No problem, son. I’ll wire you money right away.”
“But Dad, I’ve been very bad.”
“It doesn’t matter, just come home.”
This is the reaction of a father.
But in truth, Hashem loves us far more than a parent loves his or her child. The Zohar (Parashat Shemot) comments that if we knew how much Hashem loved us, we would roar like a young lion and run after Him. The Yesod Ha’avodah drew an analogy to a father who sent away his delinquent son, until one day the son came running back home. The father hugged him, and the son cried. When the father realized his son was crying, he held him more tightly. The boy cried even more, and the more the son cried, the harder the father embraced him.
“If only I had known how much my father loves me,” the boy exclaimed, “I would have come back a long time ago!”
All Hashem wants is for us to say, “Daddy, I want to come home, I want to be closer to You.” We all have this yearning deep within our souls, and on Rosh Hashanah, we want Hashem to see that yearning.
In our Rosh Hashanah prayers we say, אם כבנים אם כעבדים. אם כבנים רחמנו כרחם אב על בנים ואם כעבדים עינינו לך תלויות – “Whether we are like children, whether we are like servants: if we are like children, then have mercy on us like a father has mercy on his children, and if we are like servants, then our eyes look to you.” We speak of these two possibilities as though there are somehow equivalent or parallel, but of course, these two relationships are drastically different from one another. How could we compare the relationship between a parent to a child, with that of a master to a servant?
Rabbi Ephraim Wachsman explained by telling a story of a king who banished his son from the kingdom, and a long time thereafter sent a message inviting him back. The son was overjoyed. He put on his finest clothes, bought gifts for his father, and sang gleefully all the way back home. Just as he was about to enter the palace courtyard, he was spotted by one of the ministers. This minister enjoyed a position of power and prestige in the prince’s absence, and he realized that he would now lose this position with the prince’s return. He ran over to the son and hugged him.
“We’re so happy to see you,” he said. “It’s great to have you back.” He then stroked the boy’s face as a fake sign of affection. He had smeared black paint on his hands, and unbeknownst to the prince, his face was now painted black.
The prince came to the king and announced, “Dad, I’m back!”
The king looked at him and said, “Who are you?”
“It’s me, your son!”
“But you don’t look like my son.”
“What do you mean? Look at me!”
The king told his guard to take him away. “He is one my slaves. Take him out of here.”
The prince ran over to his father and cried, “I came all the way to see you. I’m your son! I beg you, please look into my eyes. Don’t you see my desperation? Don’t you see how badly I want to be with you?
The king peered into his eyes, and he recognized that this was his son, pining for his father.
“Yes, my son,” he said. “It is you!” And he embraced him tightly.
We come to Hashem on Rosh Hashanah and say, “Father, we’re here,” but the Satan, in its attempt to ruin our encounter, covers us with the filth of sin. We therefore tell Hashem, “We hope we appear to you as Your children, but if we don’t, and we instead look like Your slaves, then עינינו לך תלויות – we beg You to look into our eyes and see how much we long for You.” And this is precisely what Hashem wants.
אני לדודי ודודי לי. This is a time of great love. We must take advantage of this opportunity, feel Hashem’s love, and show Him our love in return.