Welcome to the SIMHA Emotional Wellness Minute.
Shlomo Hamelech tells us in Mishleh,
דְּאָגָ֣ה בְלֶב־אִ֣ישׁ יַשְׁחֶ֑נָּה וְדָבָ֖ר ט֣וֹב יְשַׂמְּחֶֽנָּה
Da’agah B’Lev Ish Yashchenah, V’Davar Tom Yisamchenah
Many knowledgeable people read this as , Worry in the heart of man..and end off with the word “Yesichenah,” But Shlomo Hamelech actually said Yashchenah… the letters Shin and Sin are interchangeable.
What Shlomo Hamelech, the wisest of men, is saying is that Worry is what causes a person to be crushed (and broken and humbled). שח Shach means to become lowly. You could almost say depressed, low or down. So anxiety causes depression and that's why the two highest, emotional challenges anxiety and depression, usually go together, because anxiety causes depression. We're all anxious because we're all having difficulty dealing with uncertainty.
Back to the pasuk:
דְּאָגָ֣ה בְלֶב־אִ֣ישׁ יַשְׁחֶ֑נָּה וְדָבָ֖ר ט֣וֹב יְשַׂמְּחֶֽנָּה
Da’agah B’Lev Ish Yashchenah, V’Davar Tom Yisamchenah
Worry is going to crush you.
That's the problem. But in the word Yashchenah, our rabbis also find the cure. They give two solutions, based on how the word is spelled:
1- יסיחנה מדעתו Take it (the worry) out of your mind,
2- לאחרים ישיחנה speak to others about it.
These are two ways to overcome anxiety. The first suggestion is a popular activity these days called mindfulness, when you focus on something else. By focusing your mind on something else, in the current moment, in a non-judgmental way, you are not going to get caught up in your thoughts.
Yesichena, let the thoughts leave your mind. How do you let your thoughts leave your mind? Get involved in other thoughts- which is what the end of the pasuk says - וְדָבָ֖ר ט֣וֹב יְשַׂמְּחֶֽנָּה
In a good words, which Rashi explains means Torah. So if a person has something that's on his mind, instead of constantly ruminating and gets stuck with it, the best thing to do is put your mind on something else. It could be an activity. You can go play basketball, you can do some gardening. Just take your mind off of this current thought that's getting you stuck.
I once heard a nice mindfulness technique from a Dr. Mattis Miller, a religious therapist in Lakewood. He said, Close your eyes and imagine you're holding a bunch of balloons. On each balloon, write down your worry. Write down what's bothering you, write down what's on your mind. And then, while your eyes are still closed, imagine letting go of each ballon, and watch as the balloon flies off into the sky. Watch as the balloon that says, worrying about my mortgage payment just flies off and disappears. That's an exercise in yesichena mida’ato
Take it out of your mind.
The other approach is, Yasichena L’Acherim/speak it over with somebody else ( siach means speak) Sharing the problem with somebody else takes the pressure off. So tell others.Today this is known as talk therapy. Sometimes you just need to talk to somebody. By sharing your worry with somebody else and hearing how silly it might sound, it gets it off your heart.
So those are the two pieces of advice on how to deal with worry.
Within the second one, Yasichena L’Acherim/tell others, there are different approaches to how this can work. One of them is hiddush and it’s more of a religious approach that our rabbis tell us. We know that God is a very just God. God doesn't do anything that's not absolutely fair.
El Emunah, V’En Avel/God is a loyal God, there is no iniquity What does that mean? Any judge, even a flesh and blood judge, doesn't commit iniquity. But the rabbis explain that a flesh and blood judge, as good as he is, cannot make sure that there's no collateral damage. If there's a lady whose husband committed a crime, and he gets a death penalty, she's going to become a widow and the children are going to be orphaned, and there's just nothing to do about that. Those are the facts. But God doesn't work that way.
That when God makes a judgment, everybody that's included is part of the judgment. If it shouldn’t happen to them, it won’t happen. This, the advice here is that if you have a worry that something's going happen, share it with somebody that is not worthy of that worry.
Go to a great saddik and tell him your problems. It’s not necessarily that he'll pray for you. It’s that if he doesn't deserve to have that worry, if he doesn't deserve to worry about your mortgage, then suddenly your mortgage will be paid, because he doesn't deserve to have that worry. This is a somewhat innovative explanation as to why sharing your worries with others helps.
Of course, sometimes there are certain people you don't want to share something with, because don't want to cause them extra anguish, but that’s a separate discussion.
That's our little piece for today.
Have a wonderful day.