We’ve been talking about Social Bitachon, how to use bitachon when we relate to people. The Hovot Halevavot also devotes some time to addressing the person who is alone, someone who for whatever reason has no social circle, or has a social circle but is lonely. This could be an older single, or parents who have married off their children, or a lady having a midlife crisis. Perhaps her husband is at work all day and she suddenly has more time on her hands.
To the person with less social interaction, for whatever reason, the Hovot Halevavot tells us what to think. He gives us the right bitachon attitude for all situations.
And in this situation, of loneliness, he tells us what the right attitude should be:
We are never alone, because we’re with Hashem.
Rabbi Simcha Bumin Cohen once said about his grandfather Rabbi Miller, the Rabbi had no friends. Hashem was his friend.
If a person is really a Baal Bitachon, and is living with Hashem in the full sense, he is never alone. He is constantly surrounded by his best friend, Hashem. Of course, Hashem is also our Father and our King, but He is called our friend too. There’s a pasuk that says רעך ורעה אביך-Your friend, and your father’s friend.
That’s referring to G-d.
We have to take advantage of the times when we’re alone. We don’t appreciate what it means to be alone in today’s world. We are always hooked up to one device or another. Even a person out running, who looks like he’s alone, is connected to something. The same thing happens with people on trains and planes. We are always attached to something.
Rav Wolbe speaks about the need to be alone. He says when we are alone, should take advantage of it.
The Rambam’s son wrote a book, Sefer Hamaspik LeOved Hashem, that talks about hitbodedut- being alone.
It says that if we look back at all our greats, they all spent time alone. He goes all the way back to Hanoch, who lived in the days before Avraham Avinu. It says, ויתהלך חנוך לאלוקים -which literally means “Hanoch walked with G-d.” He - explains that it means he took time out for that. Furthermore, it says ויצא יצחק לשוח בשדה-Yitzhak Avinu went to take a walk in the fields. He was alone in the field. He was praying, and connecting with G-d.
He makes the famous comment that all of our Forefathers and their children were shepherds. Why did they choose that business? Because that allowed them the time to take long walks, and to be alone.
It says regarding Moshe Rabenu, וינהג את הצאן אחר המדבר -He took the sheep into the desert.
He goes on to mention Eliyahu HaNavi, Elisha the Navi, and all of the prophets, who chose to be alone.
It’s not popular in our culture to be alone.
In fact there’s a new wave of mindfulness exercises, such as yoga, to counter this. (It should be noted that some of these activities are halachically questionable).
The point is, Western civilization doesn’t appreciate being alone. Our religion does. When you find yourself alone, instead of moping or bemoaning the fact, take advantage of this time. W Rav Wolbe once told us a story about his yeshiva, which was in a little town called Be’er Yaakov. It was located in a desolate area, with just some orange trees and an asylum down the road. It was a perfect place to take walks, and he often told the boys to go for walks, once or twice a week, to be alone and think about G-d.
He once sent a boy on a walk, but the boy came running back after only a few minutes. “Why so short?” the rabbi asked.
The boy said he got sacred.
The rabbi said, “I know. You met someone on the road and got scared.”
The boy insisted that he hadn’t met anyone.
After a few rounds of this the Rabbi finally told him, “You met yourself on the road and you got so scared, you came running back. Your whole life you’ve been with your family, and then in your dormitory (today we could add iPhones to this list). You never have time to be alone. Take out time to be alone.”
That’s what the Hovot HaLevavot tells the man who is alone, who wasn’t invited to the party, who is sitting home while everyone else went out to eat. His wife is out, his kids are out. He’s alone.
Appreciate being alone.
Have a great day