Bringing Merit to the Deceased on Shabbat
Shabbat is the day especially suited for quality family time, and in particular, to strengthen the bonds between parents and children.
This objective can be realized by, and is no less important for, even those whose parents have, Heaven forbid, already departed from this world.
The Peleh Yoetz, in his discussion of the mitzvah of honoring parents, makes the following remarkable comment:
ועיקר הכבוד הוא שיהא מכבדו במותו וכל אשר בכחו למיעבד ליה נייח נפשא יעשה מדי יום יום ...ידמה כאלו נותן לו מטעמים כאשר אהב אביו בעבור תברכהו נפשו לא יגרע אפילו יום אחד כל ימי חייו מלומר קדיש וליתן צדקה עבור נפש הוריו.
The primary honor [that one gives to his parent] is honoring him after his death. Anything a person is capable of doing to please his [parent’s] soul, he should do, each and every day… One should imagine that he is giving him the kind of delicacies that his father enjoys in order that his soul may bless him. He should not miss even a single day, throughout his entire life, when he does not recite kaddish or give charity for his parent’s soul.
The Peleh Yoetz here uses the terminology used by Rivkah in instructing Yaakov to bring his father delicacies that he enjoyed so that he would receive his blessing. When a person performs good deeds in his deceased parent’s merit, he sends the parent “delicacies,” as the parent’s soul in the next world enjoys the benefits of these mitzvot, thus bringing great blessing. The Peleh Yoetz even composed a special prayer that one can recite as a source of merit for his deceased parent’s soul:
יהי רצון מלפניך ה' אלקינ"ו ואלק"י אבותינו שתקבל ברחמים וברצון כל מעשה הטוב אשר אני עושה בין במחשבה בין בדבור בין במעשה ויהיה הכל לזכות ולמנוחת ולעילוי נפש רוח ונשמה של אבי ואמי וחמי וחמותי וכו' יהי רצון שתהא נפשו צרורה בצרור החיים.
May it be the will before You, our G-d and G-d of our forefathers, that you shall accept with compassion and willingly every good deed that I perform, whether in thought, speech or action, and it shall all be for the merit, rest and elevation of the spirit and soul of my father, my mother, my father-in-law and my mother-in-law… May it be Your will that his spirit shall be bound in the bond of life.
A person who had lost a parent once came to Rav Shlomo Wolbe, explaining that he felt heartbroken and unable to function. Rav Wolbe told him that when a child is away in camp for the summer, his parents send him “care packages,” even though he has everything he needs in camp, so that he would realize that they are still thinking about him and deeply care about him. When a person does mitzvot as a merit for his deceased parent, it is as though he sends a “care package,” showing his parent love and benefitting the soul.
On Shabbat, one is given a special opportunity to benefit his deceased parent’s soul. The Kaf Ha’haim cites the comment of the Zohar (in Parashat Shelah) that a person receives an extra soul on Shabbat, and when that soul returns to the heavens and shares the new Torah insights that it thought of over the course of Shabbat, a crown is placed on the head of that person’s father in the heavens, and the father receives special honor on account of the new insight taught by his son on Shabbat. The Arizal taught that this concept is alluded to by the juxtaposition between the command to observe Shabbat and the command to honor parents, which are, respectively, the fourth and fifth of the Ten Commandments. Arriving at new Torah insights on Shabbat brings one’s deceased parent great joy and satisfaction, and thus there is a special connection between Shabbat and the mitzvah of honoring parents.
And one should not think that this benefit can be achieved only by outstanding scholars who arrive at novel Torah insights. The Hida writes that even if a person learns something new which he did not know before, this qualifies as חידושי תורה – new Torah insights. Similarly, Rav Chaim of Volozhin (Ma’aseh Rav) taught that the term חידושי תורה refers even to understanding something with greater clarity than he did previously. This, too, brings great joy and honor to a deceased parent in the next world.
The Hemdat Yamim adds another way in which one can fulfill the mitzvah of honoring parents after their passing. The Zohar (Parashat Terumah) speaks in great length about the immense value of bringing another Jew closer to Hashem. If a person knew the rewards earned by drawing somebody else closer to Torah observance, the Zohar comments, he would be chasing after such opportunities. The Zohar adds that when a person succeeds in leading his fellow closer to Hashem, an announcement is made in the heavens about the person’s deed, and his parents, too, are mentioned and given honor. Hence, the Hemdat Yamim writes, drawing one’s fellow closer to G-d has the same impact as arriving at new חידושי תורה on Shabbat, as it brings honor to one’s deceased parents. A person is thus able to bring merit to his parents anytime he has the opportunity to encourage his fellow to do a mitzvah. For example, if somebody is on his way to prayers or a Torah class on Shabbat, and along the way he meets his friend and encourages him to join, he brings his deceased parents honor.
Just as parents receive great joy and satisfaction from their child when they hear glowing reports from his teachers, similarly, deceased parents receive great joy and satisfaction in the next world from the reports of their children’s good deeds. As the Arizal teaches us, this is true especially on Shabbat, due to the special connection that exists between Shabbat and honoring parents. The mitzvot one performs on Shabbat bring great blessing and honor to his deceased parents’ in the next world.
Another way one brings honor to a deceased parent on Shabbat is by talking about their fine qualities and gaining inspiration from their memory. Somebody once asked Rav Shach why the shivah mourning period is traditionally spent speaking about the departed individual. Would it not be more beneficial for his soul to study in his merit the portions of Torah permissible for study by mourners? Rav Shach explained that to the contrary, the greatest possible benefit to a departed person’s soul is achieved through remembering his fine qualities, learning from his example, and emulating his conduct. On Shabbat, when families gathered around the table, there is an opportunity not only for the living family members to bond together, but also for bonding with departed family members by recalling their wonderful qualities and speaking about how much can be learned from them. This brings immeasurable merit to the departed souls, and helps strengthen our connection to our past, to previous generations, which is an essential component of preserving our faith, heritage and traditions.