Welcome to Emotional Wellness Daily. The esteemed Dr. Katzenstein spoke yesterday about the importance of a person seeking professional help, the main reason being that you can't see yourself. Although there is a concept of the self-observing self, at the end of the day, you really can't see yourself. There's a source for this in a mishna, that’s not the literal meaning of the mishna, but the earliest commentary that I know that says this is Meiri, one of the Rishonim, in his commentary on Pirkei Avot (1,7) referring to a Mishna in the laws of leprosy. It says,
כל הנגעים אדם רואה חוץ מנגעי עצמו
you can see the leprosy of anybody except yourself
This means you're not qualified to look into your own faults and judge them. Based on that, the Meiri says, this is not just referring to leprosy, but it means even the wisest of men needs outsiders to comment and help his behavior. That's why the Gemara in Bava Batra 16B says,
או חברא או מיתותא
Either a friend or death.
The Meiri continues says, “A person without a friend is like the left hand without the right hand,” because we need outsiders. We can't solve our own problems. There's another Gemara that says,
A person can't let himself out his out of his own jail. That means that even the best of therapists will need a therapist, because he can't let himself out of jail.
The Pele Yoetz, on the topic of Zilzul says there's nothing easier than finding the faults of others, and nothing harder than finding your own faults.
Furthermore, one of the things that Dr. Katzenstein said that stops people from therapy is that it costs money.
The Mishna in Pirkei Avot (1,6) says וקנה לך חברbuy a friend.
The Bartenura says, Even if they cost money, it's worth it. You need a friend.
Why do we need a friend? Rabbenu Yona says, “לענין העצה
For advice, for help.” And he says, “ולהיות לו בן סודו,
To be able to share a secret with him. ולא יגלנו לאחרים
He won’t tell it to anybody else.”
One of the most beneficial concepts of therapy is what they call, in the therapy world, creating a safe space. You come into the therapist's office, comfortable to share your most inner secrets. You're comfortable to be vulnerable and you have to pay for that.
Really, you should get a friend to do that. But we don't have friends that are comfortable with that, so sometimes you have to buy it. But again, this is the point. The greatest of the great can't do it themselves.
It's not a weakness. Seeking therapy is not a weakness. The opposite. Seeking therapy shows strength. As a therapist once told me, the healthy people are the ones that look for therapy because they know they can't do on their own.
There's a beautiful story told over by Rabbi Meir Zlotowitz.
After the famous Rabbi Dr. Twersky lost his first wife, he was very saddened. He was visiting the Artscroll headquarters talking to Rabbi Meir. Dr Twersky was down, he was depressed so Rav Meir asked, “You are the therapist. Hundreds of thousands of people come to you for chizuk. Why are you having a problem?”
Rabbi Twersky answered with the following: There was once a man that was very down and very depressed, so he went to his rabbi. His rabbi said, “You need something to pick you up. I have a good idea. There's a circus that's that's coming to town. And there's this clown that's just the funniest of clowns. He makes everybody happy. If you go, it's worth it. Buy the ticket, go to the circus, watch this clown, and he will make you happy.”
The man told the rabbi, “There's only one problem… I'm the clown.”
Rabbi Dr. Twersky said, I am the clown. Yes,I can make everybody else happy, but that doesn't mean I can take care of myself.
And therefore, we must seek help and seek professional help.
Have a wonderful day.
