I’d like to share an important concept in Bitachon, which is that Bitachon isn’t what we call מצוות אנשים מלומדה
Bitachon can’t be habit, or something you learn to do on autopilot.
There’s a story that brings out this point, about Rabbi Avraham Grodzensky, a great rabbi, and the Mashgiach of Slabodka Yeshiva. Rav Wolbe was his son-in-law. The Hakdama/introduction to his Sefer Torat Avraham tells a little about the Rabbi. He had many challenges in his life. Even before World War II, his wife passed away at a young age. He had 8 young children to take care of, and the youngest child was only two years old. His son writes that when his wife passed away, Rav Grodzensky didn’t say the the beracha of Dayan Emet right away (this beracha is what somebody says when a close relative pass away, and it means that G-d is the true judge.)
The Gemarah says that this beracha must be said with simcha, with a true feeling that G-d is just, His judgment is correct, and that it’s for the good. Rav Grodzensky waited and worked on himself for two days in order to be able to say the beracha of Dayan Emet and really feel it.
His son, who relates the story, says that it was because his father didn’t want it to be automatic.
Bitachon takes work. Just because you have a bumper sticker on the back of your car that says “En Od Milvado” (There is no other), that doesn’t mean your work is done. Everyday, in Keriat Shema, we have to accept upon ourselves the yoke of G-d’s kingship. This is called
קבלת עול מלכות שמים
Rav Wolbe asks, Did you ever feel like a part of you saying, “I really don’t want to except that yoke!” Did you ever feel like a part of you doesn’t want to acknowledge that G-d is king, that you just want to do whatever you want?
Rav Wolbe says that if a person has never felt like that, then it’s not a real קבלת עול מלכות שמים
The person is not really accepting the yoke of G-d’s Kingdom.
If it’s real to you, there should be parts of you that don’t want to agree with it. If you’re being honest with yourself, not every part of you wants that. You can’t just say these statements. It’s what we call an Avodah. It’s work.
Bitachon is work. We can’t just paste a smile on our faces and say everything is great. Everything is not great- not at first glance. It’s a question. It doesn’t look great. We must work through it. It can’t just be automatic. There must be an inner give-and-take for Bitachon. That’s why when difficult things are going on around us, we can’t just automatically say in our minds, Everything is great- have Bitachon.”
People are passing away. It’s a difficult time. It has to hurt.
Then, after it hurts, we can start working on ourselves and our Bitachon.
There is a Devar Torah brought down in the name of the Elder of Kelm, that I heard from Rav Wolbe, who explained it. The Elder of Kelm was bothered by the explanation that Dinah was kidnapped because, as Rashi says, Hashem said that because Yaakov didn’t want Dinah to marry Esav, she’d be abducted by Shechem.. He should’ve thought that at least Esav had Jewish parents.
It sounds a little harsh. Yaakov Avinu should have just let his daughter marry the wicked Esav?
We know that Yaakov hid Dinah in a box.
But, said the Elder of Kelm, when he put Dinah in the box, he banged the nails in too hard. Which is to say that a part of him should have thought, “But he’s my brother! I wish I could’ve given my daughter to him in marriage. I wish she could have helped him, but I can’t.”
There should have been some inner struggle for him. There should have been some feeling. It should not have been so automatic.
The Elder of Kelm says that of course, Yaakov Avinu was supposed to hide her in the box. And he was supposed to put the nails in. But he banged the nails in a little too hard. That was the Elder’s way of explaining the very fine point of complaint on Yaakov Avinu.
But it’s a lesson for us. We must think about this. We can’t just walk around with an automatic feeling that everything is great. Everything is Not great.
We must walk ourselves through it and we have to talk ourselves through it.
In that same Sefer Torat Avraham introduction, they describe what was going on in the ghetto during World War 2, when thousands of people would be taken into a large square, where some people were separated and sent off to the death camps and the rest were sent back to the ghetto. After the selection, when people in the square realized that they were being sent back home, they’d sigh in relief that at least for the meantime, they were on the safe side.
But that was not the way Rav Avraham Grodzensky reacted. His son, who was with him at the time, wrote that when his father was sent to side of life, he’d cry all day, without end, for the people that he knew that were taken to the other side. Of course, he was a Baal Bitachon. Of course, he worked on himself. But with all that was going on, he literally felt his friend’s pain. He was
נשא בעול עם חברו - He carried the yoke of his friend.
Many years ago, in Israel, someone that I knew well passed away at a young age. People gave the standard one liner to the widow, to try to comfort her.
Someone told her that everyone is on a train ride, and her husband got off the train at an early stop. It was a canned type of line, that people often say. The almana commented later on that she felt like telling this person, “Let your husband get off the train at the early stop.”
It’s easy to say when it happens to someone else. What about when it happens to you?
The first thing we have to do is feel like these things are happening to us.
We all know that when we get into challenging situations, we lose it. We don’t just say a one-liner.
When he was a young man, Rav Shalom Shwadron was once walking in Shaare Hessed when he saw a young boy who fell and was bleeding. He scooped up the little boy and ran through the streets to bring the boy to the local first aid.
Everyone along the way shouted, “Refuah Shelemah! Refuah Shelemah!” One lady yelled out “Refuah Shelemah, Gam Zu Letova- Everything is good!” Then she noticed that it was her son and she shrieked, “MY boy?!!!” And then she lost it.
Rav Schwadron said, Sure those are nice lines to say when it’s someone else’s child. But when it’s your child it’s a whole different story.
When we talk about Bitachon, and feeling strongly that everything is going to come out okay and that everything is good, it’s all true- but first we have to go through the process of feeling that it’s my brother, it’s my friend, it’s my relative. We have to really feel for that person... and only then can we start working on Gam Zu LeTova.
But, it can’t be an automatic reaction. It can’t come without first going through the process of feeling the pain of all these people, who are going through, and have gone through these difficult times.
Hashem should bring an end to this.
And just like in Yetziat Mitzrayim, when Moshe Rabbenu felt the pain of his brethren and it brought about the Geula, when we feel other people’s pain, that’s one of the ways of bringing the Geula, may it come soon.