The Parasha of Kedoshim starts off with two mitzvot: The laws of Shabbat and of Kibud Av V’Em (honoring parents). Any time the Torah puts two things together it means there’s a connection between them.
What’s the connection between Shabbat and Kibud Av V’Em?
Rashi explains that although we have to respect our parents, and that respecting our parents is like honoring G-d, the pasuk is teaching us that if a parent tells a child to violate Shabbat, he can’t. Shabbat comes first. We have to listen to Hashem over our parent, because a parent is also commanded to respect to Hashem.
There’s a deeper explanation based on a famous story.
Rav Kaminetzsky, ztl, once flew to Israel first class. His grandson, who was in coach, frequently came to check on the Rabbi and tend to his needs. He helped him with his slippers, he got things down from the overhead bin, etc. He graciously and attentively waiting on him throughout the flight.
The secular man sitting next to the rabbi watched all of this incredulously, and asked the rabbi what his secret was, and what he’d been teaching. He stated that his own grandchildren had never respected him to such an extent.
The rabbi answered that it was because those children had been raised to believe in evolution; that man came from monkey. Therefore they look at their ancestors and grandparents as being closer to their origins as monkeys, and view themselves as more developed. Therefore, if anything, they feel they are more deserving of respect than their parents.
The rabbi continued: We raise our children with the belief that we came from Adam Rishon, that we got the Torah at Har Sinai, and therefore the earlier generations were closer to greatness. We aspire to be like them. That’s why they respect their parents so much. Because they understand that the previous generations were closer to Har Sinai and are therefore more worthy of their respect. That’s what you’re witnessing, he said.
Based on that, Rav Kaminetzsky explains the aforementioned pasuk as such:
The reason Shabbat is next to Kibud Av V’Em is that the keeping of Shabbat will bring Kibud Av V’Em. Keeping Shabbat testifies in the belief that Hashem created the world in six days and rested on the seventh. It demonstrates belief in the creation , which in turn leads us to look up to the previous generations.
We use a term Yeridat Dorot- (the decline of generations) because the earlier ones were closer to greatness.
We can ask- Does it really work that way? Is that an actual cognitive thought? That because I believe in Har Sinai I’ll respect my parents?
The answer is No. These lessons aren’t necessarily conscious thoughts, but they permeate our subconscious and impact our behavior, even if we don’t realize it.
I’m explaining this based on a Torah Mesorah lecture I attended yesterday, by Dr David Rosmarin. He spoke about the “Era of Anxiety”.
He gave us statistics on the amounts of medication prescribed in America for anxiety. Billions of dollars are spent on the mental health industry, specific to anxiety.
He gave us the percentages of people suffering from anxiety, and, lo alenu, suicidal thoughts.
Then he showed studies and data that proved that people with religion in their life
(Not necessarily Judaism) that believe in a higher power have lower occurrences and rates of anxiety.
(As Rambam says, even gentiles get benefit from believing in a higher force.)
Dr. Rosmarin runs a division in McLean Hospital, affiliated with Harvard and one of the best psychiatric hospital in the country. His division is entitled, Spirituality in Mental Health. His theory is based on his life experience. He started learning Hovot HaLevavot and Shaar HaBitachon after suffering from anxiety in college, and saw how it made his life easier. He took that experience and ran with it, and became a very successful therapist.
The lesson for us is that Emunah and Bitachon aren’t always conscious thoughts. People don’t say, “I won’t jump off the roof because I believe in G-d.” It’s not a conscience decision but it’s in our make up and psyche.
That’s what it means
איש אמו ואביו תיראו ושבתותי תשמרו
Keeping Shabbat, having Emunah and Bitachon and belief in Creation will impact your actions, and naturally lead to respecting your parents.