The Hatam Sofer, in one of his published derashot (109), comments that Shabbat is the מקור הברכה – the source of all blessing – but in order to receive the blessings made available by Shabbat, one must maintain an aura of peace and serenity in the home. The Mishnah in Masechet Uktzin comments, לא מצא הקב"ה כלי מחזיק ברכה אלא השלום – “The Almighty found no utensil capable of containing blessing like peace.” Peace is the receptacle we need in order to receive and retain blessing.
Rav Wolbe drew a comparison to a person trying to fill a pitcher that has a hole on the bottom. No matter how much water he pours into the pitcher, it will never become full, because the water is not being contained. Similarly, if one becomes angry on Shabbat, then beyond the general destructive effects of anger, one also forfeits the blessings of Shabbat, as he does not have the receptacle he needs to contain them.
We read in Tanach that David Ha’melech once extended the berachah, אתה שלום וביתך שלום וכל אשר לך שלום – “May you have peace, may your home have peace, and may there may be peace in everything you have.” All blessing depends on shalom; without peace, we cannot enjoy blessing in any area of life.
For this reason, we greet people on Shabbat with the wish of “Shabbat shalom,” blessing them a peaceful Shabbat, as this is the prerequisite for receiving all the blessings of Shabbat.
The word איש (“man”) and אשה (“woman”) both share the letters אש – “fire” – but the word איש also has the letter yod, whereas אשה has instead the letter heh. Our Sages teach that if there is peace between husband and wife, then י-ה – Hashem – resides among them; but if not, then Hashem’s presence departs, leaving only אש – the destructive “fire” of discord. In light of this, the Ben Ish Hai (Parashat Naso) comments that domestic harmony is associated with the number 15 – the numerical value of the divine Name י-ה. Accordingly, the birkat kohanim (priestly blessing) contains 15 words, the 15th of which is שלום. Moreover, the Ben Ish Hai adds, on each human finger, except the thumb, there are three sections (separated by two knuckles), and the thumb has two sections. Each hand thus has 14 sections, and when we hold a כוס של ברכה – the cup of wine over which a berachah was recited – we arrive at 15. Indeed, one of the segulot for achieving peace in the home is giving one’s wife the kiddush cup from which to drink. The Sages teach that when the three angels visited Avraham Avinu and he served them a meal, they gave Sarah the cup of wine after birkat ha’mazon, and, as Rashi comments, they asked Avraham where Sarah was, in order to endear her to him and thereby enhance their shalom bayit (marital harmony). Likewise, in ancient times people customarily ate two meals a day, for a total of 14, and on Shabbat we add a third meal – se’udah shelishit – to reach 15, so we can achieve the blessing of peace. Shabbat signifies the pinnacle of peace, and se’udah shelishit is the most important meal, as it marks the 15th meal of the week and thus grants us the blessing of peace. The Gemara teaches, תלמידי חכמים מרבים שלום בעולם – “Torah scholars increase peace in the world,” because the Sages instituted the practice of כוס של ברכה and the requirement of se’udah shelishit, which have the effect of bringing peace to the home.
Rav Wolbe once approached Rav Yechezkel Levenstein to ask for advice, as he felt he did not have as deep a connection as he wanted with the boys in the yeshiva. Rav Levenstein advised that when the boys lined up on Friday night to extend a “Shabbat Shalom” greeting, he should think when greeting each boy that he truly wants the boy to have a good Shabbat. This would help build the emotional bond which he sought. Shabbat is special time for building feelings of brotherhood and camaraderie, and these feelings are then able to extend throughout the week.
The Ben Ish Hai tells of a man who returned home from the synagogue on the first night of Rosh Hashanah and noticed that his wife had forgotten to buy a pomegranate before the holiday. The pomegranate is one of the foods we customarily eat on Rosh Hashanah as a “siman” – as a good omen for the coming year. The pomegranate is laden with seeds, and thus expresses our wish that we should be “filled” with mitzvot. The man was very angry that his wife forgot such an important part of the Rosh Hashanah observance. When the Ben Ish Hai heard about the man’s reaction, he said, “What worse siman can there be on Rosh Hashanah then being angry? This is a bad omen for the entire year!”
This is true of Shabbat, as well. Shabbat observance can bring us many wonderful blessings, and it is in fact the source of all blessings, but unless there is peace and serenity in the home, these blessings cannot be contained. For this reason, several halachot reflect the importance of peace in the home on Shabbat. One of the reasons given for the institution of the Shabbat candle lighting is shalom bayit, as people are generally in better spirits when the home is illuminated. Likewise, the Gemara establishes – and this law is codified in the Shulhan Aruch – that one should ensure to sharpen his knife on Erev Shabbat, because if it cannot cut properly on Shabbat, this would cause frustration and tension in the home. These halachot express how we must take proactive measures to avoid tension and arguments, and do everything we can to maintain a positive, upbeat atmosphere in the home during Shabbat.
Let us work towards ensuring an aura of peace and harmony in the home especially on Shabbat, thereby creating the receptacle we need to receive the special blessings Shabbat offers us.