Welcome to Emotional Wellness Daily, a project of SIMHA.
Yesterday we spoke about the concept of trying to look into your past to figure out why you're doing what you do. Why are you teasing, why are you sarcastic? Why are you x,y,z?
Rav Wolbe says there's another problem with this. Beside the fact that we're not professionals, and it's not really going to help too much, he quotes from Rav Hutner, the Rosh Yeshiva of Chaim Berlin, who says that the every generation has a kefira/ heresy of that generation.
At one time it was idol worship.
At another time it was belief in Greek philosophy. In every generation there are different isms. He says the heresy of our generation is the denial of freedom of choice. We don't blame people for any deviant behaviors, or even for murders, at times, because they had no choice. Murderers can get off the hook because of the way they were raised. There are many psychologists that have that belief. It's a very seductive belief, he says, because it's great to believe that you're not responsible for your deeds.
Again, he offers a disclaimer: of course, there are people in situations that don't have freedom of choice, but we are talking about general, normal people who have a level of self-control. They're not psychotic. They don't have a severe eating disorder or the like. We're talking about a regular person who just needs to control himself from X, Y, and Z.
He says that even good religious people have started to accept this approach, rather than stand up to their dark desires. They say, “Hey, it's not my fault. There was some cause in my past and I have no responsibility to fix myself. There's nothing I can do about it anymore. It's too late already. I am forced.”
That is a level of heresy, because we believe that man is not just a bundle of urges and evil inclinations that force him to do everything. There is a fundamental of our religion, which is freedom of choice. It's a ma’alah. It's something that we believe that we can change, and therefore there's a danger, he says, in the psychotherapeutic approach of looking into the past, taking away my freedom of choice. We have to believe that we can learn mussar, we can work on ourselves, and we can change.
As we said before, that doesn't mean you can change everything. He quotes the famous Rabbi Dessler that says, there is something called a Nekudat HaBechira, there is a certain zone on which you have freedom of choice.
Right now you don't have the choice to learn 14 hours straight and become a Gadol overnight, or (for the ladies) to become Rebbitzen Kanievsky. Right now, that’s not within your choice. But whatever level you're at, you have a spot of choice where you can control yourself to a certain degree. Don't throw in the towel. You have the ability to choose something. You have to figure out what is within your realm of choice and what's not in your realm of choice. But don’t throw in the towel and believe that you are forced into things.
I knew a fellow about 30 years ago, He was a painter in Israel. He was an American originally, and he was dealing with certain addiction issues. He went to a therapist that revealed that his father and an uncle were addicts as well. And basically, he was told that he just had to accept the fact that this was his lot in life. He was not going to be able to change it. He had no choice about the matter. He ended up, lo alenu, committing suicide. His relative told me that what pushed him over the edge (at least this is what he reported), was that he couldn't live with the fact that he was stuck in his life and couldn't get out of it.
That lack of hope could be introduced to somebody if they think that they're stuck and they have no choice, because whatever happened in the past has its detrimental impacts.
Again, we're not getting into heavy challenges that need therapists and professional help. We're talking about a person dealing on his own. We're worried about the negative outlook, that ‘I'm stuck in what I am because of what happened in my past,” which is not a healthy approach for the healthy person. Again, there are people that were severely traumatized, and they have a lot to deal with, and they're dealing with a real disorder. PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is real. It has impacts on the brain, but that's not an excuse for the masses.
Have a wonderful day.