Dr. Katzenstein continues:
“As we continue our discussion of peace of mind, we will talk a little bit about frustration and anger. Psychological research demonstrates that individuals who can tolerate experiences of frustration or other ‘negative’ emotions without an aggressive external reaction are rated considerably higher than others on a social- emotional level. Additionally, they are more likely to succeed in their relationships, daily interactions and careers.
Conversely, the boss who is constantly yelling, haranguing or threatening, does not get more out of his employees. He just thinks he does. Rather, he creates an environment of fear in which workers adapt to their superior’s diatribes by hiding their mistakes or declining to take on projects that incur a risk of failure.
Many have bought into this myth, which is much ingrained in our society, that letting out anger and frustration by hitting a punching bag or screaming helps expel these negative emotions.
Factually, research into human behavior shows that in the long run, these actions actually foster an increase in the frequency of such emotions. Of course, this doesn't mean that we ignore our emotions. Indeed, we must recognize the feelings that we're experiencing, which include frustration, sadness, and disappointment, and allow these emotions to process in an adaptive and healthy way.
Imagine that a wave comes over you. You're not going to swim against the current, you're going wait until the wave passes and then continue on. This is achieved through expressing ourselves calmly, and through acceptance. It takes acceptance of others, and more importantly, of ourselves, as well as patience, tolerance, and an awareness of how our internal processes work.”