Welcome to Emotional Wellness Daily, a project of SIMHA, the Sephardic Initiative for Mental Health Awareness.
As we prepare for Purim, it crossed my mind to wonder, What Haman would have done if he was in therapy? Here you have this man who has many children, a lot of wealth, and he tells his therapist, וכל זה ענינו שוה לי /This is all worthless to me when I see Mordechai not bowing down to me. I say this in all seriousness, because this attitude of, it's all worthless to me, is pervasive in our society. How many people are struggling, although they really have almost everything. They're struggling because somebody else has more than them, or someone else is better than them. Basically, they don't feel they're good enough.
There’s a famous saying that I’ve long heard from my father in law Rabbi Scherman, even before Rabbi Frand quoted it at the Siyuum HaShas: Perfect is the enemy of good.
I'm not successful enough, rich enough, intelligent enough, young enough, beautiful enough, maybe even thin enough. That's the society that we live in. So it’s important to understand that there is something called good enough.
This works in the opposite way as well. Perfect is the enemy of good. Perfectionism is a personality trait where the person always wants things to be perfect, but we don't live in a perfect world. This is very common in students, even in elementary school. I just spoke to the mother of an 8-year-old who was describing her child and her challenges. She has to get 109% on her tests. You know the kids who get a 97 and cry over those three points.
Well, maybe you can get 100% on a test, but you can't get 100% on life. You just can't be everything. You can't be the best cardiologist and the best neurologist, and the psychotherapist all at the same time. The world is unlimited. The options are unlimited and a person has to be comfortable with good enough.
How do you get there? We always go back to our basic spirituality and Emuna fundamentals. There’s a famous D’var Torah contrasting what Yaakov says, Yesh Li Kol/ I have everything (which is really impossible Everything is an attitude) with what Esav says, Yesh Li Rav/I have a lot.
Esav says he got a 97 and Yaakov says I have 100%. How do you get a hundred percent? As we said, it's an outlook. It's an attitude. Haman was a descendant of Esav and he too uses that Rav word. Haman says something similar to Esav.. Al Rov Banav I got a lot, I don't have everything.Whereas Yaakov Avinu has Kol.
The Maharal says that Haman was saying that his attitude doesn't allow for Kol. He says, B’kol zeh, all of this is worthless to me.
So, how do you get the right attitude? When you realize that Hashem is running the world, and He gives you what you need, and it is good enough. It really is Everything, but we don't see it that way. We don't see that everybody has their own world, and in your world, you have everything you need. And it hit me today, for the first time, that Rav Wolbe’s source for this proper attitude is the beracha that we say every morning, She’asah Li Kol Sorchi/God made everything that I need for my success, physically and spiritual.
The hiddush is that we say She’asah Li Kol Sorchi/
God made all I need, not Rov Sorchi. I don't have most of my needs, I have all of my needs.
So, the answer to the perfectionist is that 97 is perfect. It's your perfect, and your weight maybe the perfect weight- for you. The point is, that it is Kol. It's perfect for you.
She’asah Li Kol Sorchi/I have everything that I need. And it is perfect and it's good enough.
Have a wonderful day.