Baruch Hashem, we are up to lesson 320. May it be strong.
I say this because yesterday, someone told me I didn’t sound like myself. He was right. The shuls and schools were closed. I was down. It takes time to regroup and refocus.
Lo Alenu, we already had a casualty in the Syrian community. It’s serious. All precautions must be taken.
But what’s our mindset? That’s what we are focusing on.
I spoke to many people about how they’re feeling, even a psychologist friend of mine. And many people say they feel abandoned by G-d. We can’t go to school, or shul. The men’s Mikveh is closed. We can’t hear Sefer Torah.
People feel like Hashem has shut them out. Like their Creator doesn’t want them. It’s a very hard feeling. People don’t know how to deal with this. Other people are more indignant. They don’t know what G-d wants from us.
I am not an Adam Gadol. I make mistakes. But I will try to share my thoughts.
The Gemarah in Masechet Avodah Zarah says that in the end of time the goyim will come to G-d and ask for one last chance. They’ll say that they see the truth now, after these few thousand years. So G-d tells them to make a succah. They go on their roofs and make their succahs. G-d makes it a very hot day with an intense sun, and they walk out of the succah, kick them and leave.
They failed their test.
The Gemarah say, that’s not fair. Sometimes Jews also get hot in their succah and leave.
The Gemarah says, Yes, granted we can leave our succah if it’s boiling hot or freezing, but בְּעוּטִי נַמִּי מִי מַבְעִיטוּ?
But do we walk out and kick?
We don’t do that.
It’s brought down in Halacha, in many sefarim, going back to the Darchai Moshe, in the name of the Maharil who is a borderline Rishon, that if it’s raining and you walk out of the succah, don’t kick it. Don’t get disgruntled, even if it’s human nature.
Even if someone made a Succah for the first time, if he went and bought it, decorated it, his wife set the table , and then suddenly there was a torrential down pour everything got wet, does he say, “Forget about this! Who needs this religion?” No That’s not the way we walk out.
עט ויצא, אלא יצא בהכנעה
We walk out humbly.
So, to the fellow who says, “What about my learning? What about my praying?”
Maybe Hashem is saying you need a little introspection. You’re good but maybe everything you’re doing is too external Maybe you need a little penimiyut/ internality. What’s going on inside you? Appreciate everything. Slow down. Be more mindful of what you’re doing. Hashem wants us to humble ourselves. If things don’t work out, sometimes the lesson is that we are supposed to humble ourselves.
Hashem wants something from us, but are we going to kick and scream? We should say, “My Dear Creator, who has a relationship with me, wants something from me. “
The Sefer Matei Ephraim says something beautiful. It’s my main point, and I was very happy to find it today:
ומכל מקום לא מפני כך יאריך בעצבון ודאגה
Don’t now get stuck in sadness and worry.
We can’t do that.
A person should do the Ratzon Hashem, and it doesn’t have to take away from our attitude or approach to life. Nothing changed.
And if I am humbled, I’ll celebrate my humility.
Rabbenu Yonah says the difference between regular fear and humility is that regular fear brings one to anxiety and sadness, whereas the fear and humility of religion may get you down, but then you celebrate the feeling of humility. If yesterday you were down because Hashem doesn’t want our prayers, today we say, Baruch Hashem, we got the message. You don’t kick and scream. You accept what Hashem wants from you. Rav Wolbe says this is the test of a person- how do you react when you try to do something but you get stuck and it doesn’t work? He brings the following Rashi:
Rashi says are two stories of women, juxtaposed in the Chumash. First there’s Tamar, who eventually becomes the great grandmother of the Mashiach, and then on the other hand, we have Eshet Potifar- the wife of Potiphar, who saw in her crystal ball, that she would be mother of Mashiach too (this was Mashiach Ben Yosef). So she tried to bring it about. But her mistake was that it wasn’t her, it was Osnat, her adopted daughter, (who was actually the daughter of Dina and adopted by Potiphar) that married Yosef. She didn’t read the crystal ball correctly. Both of these women tried very hard to bring something religious about. Tamar married Yehuda’s first son and he died. So she married the second son, and he died. She even try to marry the third son. She pulled a scheme of sorts to fool Yehuda. And they thought Tamar was a Harlot. They were ready to burn her. She had Yehuda’s possessions. She was able to expose him, but she didn’t do that. She said, “Whoever owns these items, come claim them.” She was crushed, but she wouldn’t break the rules. She didn’t say, “Hashem what do you want from me?” She accepted it. And she became the great- grandmother of Mashiach.
On the other hand, when Eshet Potiphar tried to do the same thing, she got stuck. She erred. She was a married woman. When Yosef refused her, she flipped the whole thing around, and ended up putting him in jail.
Rashi says we put these stories together, because they both started out with good intentions. But Tamar took a right turn, and Eshet Potiphar took a left turn.
Deep down, we have to ask, “Who are you working for?”
If you’re working for G-d, you humbly say,
“Hashem, if you want me to stay home, I’ll stay home. I accept.”
Why?
“Maybe you want me to grow you, or want me to think about things. Maybe you want me to contemplate.”
“Hashem, you want me to hit the restart button. My screen is frozen. I need a Reboot.”
Maybe there are things that need to be tweaked. I am not here to give Mussar to anyone. Everyone knows what they need to work on. But this is what happened to us. Our computer screen froze. We need an update. Don’t get jammed up about it. If I told you that every time your computer froze it was really Bill Gates telling you that he has a new update for you, you’d be okay because your computer will be better then ever after the screen freezes.
That’s what Hashem is doing now.
I admit it, I was down yesterday.
Will G-d judge me for being down?
As we say, sometimes our reactions are almost physical. It takes some time until our sechel can overcome. But B’ezrat Hashem, we bounce back. Our attitude has to be that we know G-d is talking to us, and we will rise to the challenge.
Have a Shabbat Shalom.