Welcome to Emotional Wellness Daily. For the past two days, we've been talking about the topic of selfish spirituality. Rav Wolbe talks about it, as we mentioned, and the late mashgiach of the BMG Yeshiva Bet Midrash Govoha in Lakewood, Rabbi Wachtfogel also talks about it in a sefer on Elul, (page 14). He mentions a certain young rabbi who complained to Rabbi Wachtfogel, “I am not learning well, I am not praying well, I don't remember what I learned. I don't think I'm being successful at all.”
Rabbi Wachtfogel replied, “You know what my advice to you is? Start thinking about the Jewish people at large. Stop being busy with yourself. Your question sounds too self-centered. ‘I, I, I. I am not learning well, I am not praying well. I don't remember what I learned. I don't think I'm successful.’ Stop being so busy with yourself.”
He says, it's possible for a man to be standing in a huge world, standing in front of God, surrounded by the Jewish people, and all day only think about himself.
That is a problem for all of us. We can't just hear this story and say, “Oh, look at these selfish rabbis in Lakewood!” That's not the point of this story. We should realize that even somebody who's steeped in learning and in idealism can still fall into the trap of being selfish. So surely, it’s true for somebody that is involved in the pursuit of happiness. He brings another story of a young man who decided that he wanted to be careful about speaking Lashon Hara, and so wanted to make a Taanit Dibur, which means he would not speak for a certain period of time (sometimes people do it for a full day). When Rav Wachtfogel heard about this, he called him up and said, “This is forbidden for you. It's forbidden.” This is another example of selfish spirituality. “You're trying to do something that feels very spiritual by not talking at all. But it's not for you. What is this going to do for your shalom bayit? You're not going to talk to your wife? If your wife comes to complain, I'll agree with her. You have to act normal.”
I'd like to share a personal story that happened over 30 years ago when I lived in Israel. Rabbi Meir Schuster was in high gear, bringing Jews that were far away, closer to Torah and Mitzvot. He would stand at the Kotel, and find people to send to religious homes for Shabbat meals. There is a whole Artscroll book about him, called A Tap on the Shoulder. Our home was on his list of hosts.
We lived in a place called Arzeia Birah, which is about a 10 minute walk from the Kotel, and people would come to our house on Friday nights to have a nice Shabbat meal. These were irreligious Jews that had very little to no Jewish education. We’d give them a nice meal, and maybe sprinkle in a D’var Torah too, but most of the talk was really not on a high level.
In retrospect, I gained a lot from those interactions. We were once called to host some guests on Rosh Hashanah. And since it was Rosh Hashanah, part of me said, “Hey, I don't want to have a meal with these unaffiliated Jews and take away from my high and lofty thoughts of God's Kingdom.” So I went to ask advice from Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, who was one of the Gedolei HaDor, and he told me that if the guests wanted to come for two full days, and I wouldn't be able to spend any time on Rosh Hashanah in serious thought, he could understand saying no.
But he said, “Look, you're going to go to shul, you're going to pray, you have a full day, so why not give to someone else during the meal?”
I was young and immature then (and I’m probably old and immature now). But the point is that we can sometimes get caught up even in our own religion. Of course, we're not knocking religion, let's make that clear. But since religion can pull us in a way that can be ego-driven, because ultimately, it's an instinct, (as a spiritual feeling without necessarily using your intellect), we have to be aware of this possible pitfall.
Again, I'm a big believer in religion, so do not take this as being anything against religion. It's just clarifying a pitfall that one can fall into.
Have a wonderful day.