We continue discussing the importance of covering one’s good deeds. As the Hovot HaLevavot said,
ויזהר כפי יכלתו בכל זה להסתירו ממי שאין צריך לו להודיע
Be careful, according to your abilities, to hide it from a person that doesn’t have to know.
Of course, everything needs a balance, as we will explain.
The Magen Abraham, one of the poskim, says in Ohr Hahayim (chapter 565), that if someone who fasts (for example, on erev Rosh Hodesh, erev Rosh Hashana, or during the season of Shovavim), is asked whether they’re fasting, they are allowed to say yes, because they aren’t doing it to show off. However, he says, the Middat Hachassidut, (the way of the pious) is to say that no, they aren’t fasting. He says we shouldn’t think that this is lying, because the Gemarah, in Bava Matzia, says that if someone asks if you have completed a certain Masechet, or Shas, you can hide it and it’s not called lying.
People often won’t answer a variety of personal questions, such as how much money they have in the bank, their age, whether they were out on a date with someone, etc.
Just like we wear clothing to cover up, we can say things to cover up our personal deeds.
So, if someone is asked if they gave $1,000 to charity, they’re allowed to hide it. And not only are they allowed to hide it, but it’s pious to do so.
But there is seemingly another opinion:
The Rama (co-author of the Shulhan Aruch) says that
מי שמקדיש דבר לצדקה מותר לו שיכתוב שמו עליו שיהא לו לזכרון
Someone who dedicates something to charity (e.g. a building) may have his name inscribed on it
In fact, he says, וראוי לעשות it’s good to do it!
He doesn’t tell us to hide it.
His source is the from Tishuvot HaRashba, The Rashba wrote, 800 years ago, that a new shul was dedicated and someone wanted to put their name on the front. The Rashba said this was an ancient custom and a good thing to do!
So it’s seems that there’s a conflict. Is it good to publicize our deeds or not?
Some say the answer depends on the type of deed. If it’s something that most people probably wouldn’t do, such as fasting on Erev Rosh Hodesh, it’s better to hide it.
On the other hand, regarding something that most people could and should be doing, such as giving charity, it’s a mitzvah to publicize it, so that other people will learn from you.
And so, like most things, it comes down to our kavana (intention).
If everyone were to hide giving charity, people wouldn’t learn how to give charity.
I belong to a beautiful community, the Syrian community of Flatbush, which is known to be very charitable, in all locals, from Panama to Brooklyn, Mexico to Deal. Mr. Ralph Tawil a”h, a giant in Sedaka, said that he believed the reason for this was how people back in the old days were trained to give. The shuls had public drives, where amounts were announced aloud. This taught the younger generation how to give. If it was hidden, no one would know about it, and the people would stop giving.
The same principle applies to our children. We have to share certain things with them, or they won’t know what to do themselves.
On a personal note, speaking of fasting, I went to the cemetery in Staten Island, where my great-grandmother, my father’s grandmother, Salha Sutton, is buried. It says on her tombstone that she fasted Mondays and Thursdays of Shovavim. I never knew about it, and she obviously didn’t publicize it, but it was known enough to be written there, for whatever reason.
The point is that certain things must be made known, whereas others should remain hidden.
Certain, special people are involved in the Hevra Kaddisha, (taking care of the purification when someone passes away, Lo alenu). We don’t know who these people are, as it is kept secret. This is probably because it’s a Hessed Shel Emet a pure act kindness. They aren’t expecting anything in return (if I bury you, you aren’t going to bury me). Therefore, the people don’t share that they’re involved, and are especially careful to keep it hidden. It’s almost taboo. If people knew, it would take it away from it.
We have to weigh these things.
If it’s a visit to the sick, let your children know, so they can learn.
Other things are better kept hidden.
Every thing is a balance.
Have a wonderful day.