We are in chapter קמב of Tehilim, pasuk ה
Before we study this pasuk, we should look at the larger context of the perek, in order to understand the background of this Mizmor.
David HaMelech authored this song
בהיותו במערה
while in the cave
Recently, a dear friend of mine gave me a Tehilim called Lev Rachamim V’Sara
( the Braha edition), published by Shaare Rachamim, which explains the background of each chapter; a phenomenal feature worth owning.
The context for this perek is that David HaMelech was hiding from Shaul, in a cave in the Ein Gedi region. Shaul actually entered the cave at one point but didn’t discover David HaMelech.
David was searching high and low for an escape route or some ally or sympathetic party and, as we will see in today’s pasuk, he couldn’t find anybody. Therefore, his only option was to cry out to Hashem, “You are my refuge.”
This description of being in a dark, cramped place doesn’t only apply to in a cave. It applies to all situations in life, where a person feels helpless.
With that, David HaMelech says,
הַבֵּיט יָמִין וּרְאֵה וְאֵין־לִי מַכִּיר אָבַד מָנוֹס מִמֶּנִּי אֵין דּוֹרֵשׁ לְנַפְשִׁי
I turn to the right and see that nobody recognizes me. There is no place for me to escape to, there is no one there that is out to help me.
The simple explanation is that as we said, David HaMelech was looking for a way out, for somebody to help him.
The Alshech gives us a beautiful understanding of this pasuk. What does it mean that David looks to the right? He answers that in the Heavenly Court above, there are angels on the right and on the left. The ones on the right speak of our merits and the one on the left tell of our bad deeds.
So what David HaMelech meant when saying that he looked to the right and he didn’t recognize anybody, was that there was no one out to help him in Shamayim. And
אָבַד מָנוֹס מִמֶּנִּי
there was no place for him to run to down here, because everything starts in the heavens. If there were no angels in heaven to protect him, then there was no place for him to run to down here. And once he realizes that there is no one out to help him,
זָעַקְתִּי אֵלֶיךָ ה׳
I called out to God
The angels weren’t helping him, and down on earth nobody was helping him, so he turned to Hashem.
But if the angels were against him because he had no merits, it would seem that God would agree with them, so how would he get out of the situation? The answer is that perhaps God would want to save him, but that it might be better for him to die.
Maybe, as it says in the next pasuk
חֶלְקִי בְּאֶרֶץ הַחַיִּים
Maybe God wants me to be in the next world?
Then in pasuk ז, David HaMelech says,
הַקְשִׁיבָה ׀ אֶל־רִנָּתִי כִּי־דַלּוֹתִי־מְאֹד
Please listen to my prayers because I am very poor.
What does it mean that he’s very poor?
He meant that he was poor in merits. He did not have enough merits, he wasn’t ready to leave this world. He wanted more good deeds.
Although Hashem might think it would be good for him, David HaMelech was not ready yet. He wanted to do more Mitzvot.
What an interesting concept! A person has a right to tell God, Give me life because I want to do Mitzvot.
Even though I know that everything You do is good for me, and Olam Haba is good for me, I want to serve You more and do more Mitzvot. I’m not ready to leave yet.
The Alshech explains that David HaMelech felt an inner turmoil.
Somehow, he knew that in Shamayim they were deciding against him. He was stuck down here, he was totally crushed by his circumstances, but still, David HaMelech found a way out, so to say.
God is still there to help me, above all the angels, and I will somehow survive, I will somehow make it.