Welcome to Emotional Wellness Daily, a project of SIMHA, the Sephardic Initiative for Mental Health Awareness.
As I mentioned, I will be quoting some of the rabbis that spoke at our Rabbi-Training graduation. I quoted Rabbi Raymond Shamah, who quoted a beautiful Steipler, and I would like to read directly from the book it was found in, Etzot V’Hadrachot, written by Dr. Greenwald, a great psychologist, but also a great Ben Torah.
Rabbi Greenwald lived in Monsey and our family knew him very well. He was very close to the Steipler and had many questions that he asked him about psychology.
There is a chapter in the book called “Common Mistakes,” where he writes, “For every difficult situation and problem in the world, there is a solution and a clear and correct answer. If you don't get to the answer and you don't have the complete solution, then you're in a terrible situation.” You must find that solution. But he says, this is a mistake. Number one, only God is true perfection. There's no other perfection but His perfection. And therefore, there is no perfect answer. We're not living in a perfect world.
Number two, which is really an outshoot of number one, he's trying tremendously with all his heart and all his soul, and he's being stubborn to find that solution, which he thinks is the only proper and correct solution.
This stubbornness causes panic. You're not going to get that perfect outcome- and with panic comes depression.
This is an important point, not only for us but also for dealing with other people. A big part of the healing process for a person going through a problem, whether a general challenge or a mental illness of sorts, is to calm down and realize the problem is not the end of the world. The urgency is not there. It can wait a little bit. Slow down. Come back next week and we'll talk about a little bit more. There’s a panic and a need to find the answer, but sometimes we have to learn how to sit with the problem. Rabbi Shamah explained in the name of the Steipler (it’s not written in this book, but he heard it from somebody), that this was the source of the sin of the golden calf. It came about because they thought Moshe Rabbenu is not here, and we need an immediate solution. Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz says this as well. It was the panic that came upon them: Where's Moshe? What are we going to do without Moshe? That is what caused the sin of the golden calf and everything that went downhill since then. It was that panic, that fear. So, it’s extremely important to be aware of this mistake that people make.
You're not going to find the answer. There might not be an answer, but we can live with that as well. And ultimately, the Steipler ends off, you have to pray Hashem that He'll give you the right hishtadlut, the right effort. Pray that you'll find the right effort to bring Hashem’s Siyata Dishmaya. That's all we can do. There is no one answer.
If you think you are doing it, you have to look for the answer. But at the end of the day, you're just doing your proper hishtadlut. People think,
“I have to get that doctor, that lawyer, that therapist, that hospital.” That’s a mistake. We try, but panic shouldn’t set in if I can't be transferred from hospital A to hospital B. That’s my hishtadlut.
This is an important point in everything- certainly for emotional wellness, it’s necessary to have that peace of mind, and not panic, but it's necessary for all challenges.
Have a wonderful day.