In this week’s Parasha, Re’eh, the pasuk says,
בָּנִ֣ים אַתֶּ֔ם לַה׳ אֱלֹהֵיכֶ֑ם לֹ֣א תִתְגֹּֽדְד֗וּ וְלֹֽא־תָשִׂ֧ימוּ קׇרְחָ֛ה בֵּ֥ין עֵינֵיכֶ֖ם לָמֵֽת
You are sons of Hashem, your God, Don't scratch yourselves and don't make bald spots between your eyes, over someone that dies.
In the days of old, and even today, there are certain countries where mourning is demonstrated by causing themselves to bleed and pulling out their hair.
We shouldn't do that, says the Torah (it’s one of the 613), because we're children of Hashem, your God.
Why is that a reason? Rashi says that we are children of Hashem your God, and therefore, we have to look proper, and it's not proper to be bruised and blemished
The Ibn Ezra gives another reason:
Banim Atem, since you know that you're God's children, and He loves you more than a father loves his son, don't do these extreme acts of mourning, because what makes a person do extreme acts of mourning?
When terrible thing happen.
But, he says, when a father does something, the child knows it's good even though he doesn't understand it. Little children don't understand what their father does. Father's always right, as the saying used to go. They trust and rely on him.
And, he says, so too the Jewish people. We know that God is our loving God and therefore, it's not befitting for us to go to such extreme acts of mourning, because that would indicate that we really don't agree with what our Father in heaven did.
Others say that You are children of Hashem your God, and therefore, if a parent, has v’Shalom, passes away, you have to realize that the person is not an orphan, because, in his words, “You still have an Av Gadol/a great father. He still has a great father, which is God. But when a goy’s father dies, he has no one there to help him. His Avodah Zara is not going to help him.
As it says, “They say to a wood, “You’re my father,” and to a rock, “You gave birth to me.”
And therefore they should tear their hair out, and bang their heads, because they really did lose their only father.
But we, the Jewish people, still have a Father that is great and strong up. there in the Heaven. Avinu B’Shamayim.
On the phrase, Lo Titgogedo Do not scratch yourself, another explanation is that it means, Don’t make different groups of people.
And again, they connect that to Banim Atem L’Hashem…
The Sefer Paneah Raza, from one of the Rishonim says, “You are children of Hashem. You all have one God. Don't make yourselves into separate groups, because you all have one Father.”
Another explanation is from the Or Hachaim HaKadosh, who says that since you are children of God, the deceased is not to be worried about. Because when you are children of God, what happens to deceased? He's not lost. It’s not another one bites the dust. He's going back to his Father upstairs. And he says, this is comparable to a man that sent his son overseas on business.
And now the father asks his son come back home. The son is not missing. He's going back where he belongs. He's still around. His new friends in China are going to miss him, but he's going back home. And it's better for the son to go back home.
And therefore, we Jewish people do not over-mourn.
On the other hand, the Goyim have what to mourn about, because when the person dies, it's a everlasting death.
The Chida adds to the Or Hachaim HaKadosh about the end of the pasuk where it says, “ Don’t put a bald spot between your eyes,” it can be La’met for the dead, but it also can be read as a Lo met/ he did not die;It looks like he died, but he didn't really die. And because he didn't really die, we don't over-mourn.
Finally, the sefer Panim Yafot says, You’re children of Hashem your God don't over-mourn because the Gemara in Masechet Sanhedrin says that when a Jewish person is in pain, God is in pain. So God says, “You're my children. And I'm in pain when I see you in pain. So please don't over mourn. Don't show so much sorrow because it hurts Me to see you in so much pain.”
These are all uplifting explanations that show us what it means to have a Father in heaven, and how many different angles we can gain from having that outlook of Hashem being our Father in heaven.
Have a wonderful day.