Welcome to the SIMHA Emotional Wellness Minute. There's a famous quote from author Johann Hari, “The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, it's connection.” He wrote a book on this topic, called Chasing the Scream, which caused people to believe that the best way to prevent a person from falling into the trap of addiction is being connected.
This concept, as all great thoughts are, is found in our Torah as well in our Torah sources. Rav Wolbe writes at length that our religion stands on Yedidut, which means a connection. But what exactly is the connection to? Our Torah sources tell us there are three areas of connection:
1-A person connects himself to others, which is Ben Adam L’Havero,
2-a person connects himself to Hashem, which is Ben Adam L’Makom, and lastly,
3-a person connects himself to himself, what we call Ben Adam L’ Atzmo.
People often forget, or aren’t even aware of, the concept called “Between man and himself..” We understand that we have relationships with others, and we understand that we have a relationship with Hashem, but many people don't realize there's a concept of having relationship with yourself. One of the many sources for this is found in the Gemara, in Masechet Bava Kama 30a, which quotes Rav Yehuda who says, “Someone who wants to be a Hasid/ pious should work on one of these three areas: Either fulfill areas of damage (i.e. be careful not to damage others. Don't leave banana peels in the street), Rava says Be careful with the lessons in Pirkeh Avot, and others say, Be careful with your blessings.”
The Maharsha explains that all three rabbis are in agreement, that there is someone called a Hassid, someone that is pious (which means he does things in the best possible way), there are three areas a Hassid can focus on. One rabbi chose to focus on between man and his fellow, and he said, be careful of damaging. Another rabbi chose to be careful in areas between man and himself, and that's Pirkeh Avot.
Lastly, one rabbi said, focus on your relationship with God, which is when you make blessings and you're cognizant and thankful to God for what He has given you. So those are the three areas of connection. And it’s interesting, that, we said, Pirkeh Avot works on Ben Adam L’ Atzmo/between man and himself. It’s not, “Oh, if I have good Middot then I'm able to get along with others.” No-when you have good Middot, you get along with yourself. And when you get along with yourself, then naturally you get along with others.
People don't get along with others because they're really not getting along themselves. There's a blessing that was given to Naval HaKarmeli, who was an ungrateful man that did not appreciate what David Hamelech gave him. He ended up dying young from a plague. The blessing that David gave him was,”Atah Shalom, U’Bet-cha Shalom, Vkol Asher Lecha Shalom/You should have peace, your household should have peace, and everything that you possess should have peace. “
The commentaries explain that it starts with V’Atah Shalom because you have to be at peace with yourself. Learning Pirkeh Avot brings you there. One of the first sayings in Pirkei Avot is that the world stands on three things: Torah, Avodah, and Gemilut Hasadim. And again, the rabbis say that these three areas deal with these important types of connection.
Gemilut Hasadim/ Acts of kindness is between man and his fellow. Avodah/Service, which is Korbanot or prayer, is between man and God. And lastly,
Torah is between man and himself.
When you learn Torah, you're perfecting yourself. Of course, you learn how to get along with others, and you learn how to get along with God. But when you sit and learn Torah, you're connecting to yourself. The letters of the word Mishnah, which is the Torah Sh’be’al Peh, can be rearranged to spell Neshama/your soul.
The Mishna speaks to the soul. You get a connected to yourself.
So this is an important takeaway- in order to connect to yourself, you need to learn Torah. And within that, specifically Pirkeh Avot or Mussar. When you're learning Mussar, you're working on making yourself into a better person, making a better connection with yourself, not and being strange to yourself, which we've discussed in the past.
So, since this is the season of Pirkeh Avot (for those of you that are up to date), it's nice to know that when you're learning Pirkei Avot, you're reconnecting to yourself.
Have a wonderful day.