Welcome to Emotional Wellness Daily, a Project of SIMHA, the Sephardic Initiative for Mental Health Awareness.
In the last class given by Dr. David Katzenstein, chief clinical Officer at SIMHA, he spoke about the fact that we suffer from what he called social comparison, specifically fueled by social media. We're constantly seeing people's pictures, seeing what they're up to and the fun that they're having. And even though we know in our heads that it’s fake, it is doctored up, it's pictures, it's not real, that they're just smiling for the moment, it doesn't make a difference- it has an impact on us. This is something that's hard to understand. How does it work? I'd like to give one little example from my own life. I went to an event where they had these interesting ice cubes in the drinks. Smoke was coming out of the ice cubes. I had difficulty drinking it because I was afraid I was getting burnt, even though I knew it was not hot.
But when we have something hardwired in our brain that tells us something, it doesn't make a difference what logic tells us, our eyes are seductive. If it looks like somebody looks great, then we think they're doing great. Even though it doesn't mean anything. If they're driving a certain type of car or living in a certain kind of house or dressing a certain way, it tells us happiness even though we know it's not true. And it just pulls us down.
The Mesilat Yesharim, in chapter 15, speaks about this. He says, “Why is it that our nature is pulled after all the delicacies, and we need so much hard work and tactics to pull ourselves away from it?
It's all the seduction of the eyes, that are seduced by things that look good and are seemingly good and sweet.” He used the word seemingly and he says, I'll prove it to you. That's what caused the first sin in the world. And everything that happens the first time around means that it’s hardwired. And he says the Torah testifies, even though her husband told her it's not good, but it looked good. It was a Taava of Enayim, seduction of the eyes, and that is what brings us down.
And that's why it takes a lot of hard work to undo that. He gives an example- “Look at the delicacy of food. Is there anything more fleeting than that? How long is the enjoyment? It’s a split-second going down our gullet and it's already in the stomach and it's forgotten. You could have eaten fattened geese or hard black bread and you’d be basically satiated the same. And so much sickness and so much heaviness comes from eating…all from what? Because of the way it looks.
That's really what the people complained about when it came to the manna. What was their complaint? The manna tasted like everything in the world. But the manna didn't look like anything. It looked like a piece of tofu. Yes, you could have thought of a steak or ice cream, but a steak is not just a steak because it tastes like a steak. It's because it looks like a steak. And the ice cream looks like ice cream. It's all what we call the presentation, the colors, the setup, the silverware, the ambiance. It's all what it looks like. It's all our eyes. It sends us messages. And it takes a lot of hard work, says the Mesilat Yesharim, to undo that in our brains.
But we're doing the exact opposite. Rather than try to undo it, we are further working on it when we use those social comparisons, specifically social media. It's just not good for us. It's not good for our spirituality. It's not even good for our physical state of being. And it’s not good for our mental health to keep on comparing and looking at things and getting those messages and not having a chance to undo the falsehood of those messages. The Mesilat Yeshirim writes, “What causes one to get pulled in? Spending a lot of time with the ministers and the great people that chase the honor and increase this hot air and vanity, because he sees all of the respect and greatness that they have and that just arouses inside of him.” So we have to be extremely careful, especially when the summertime comes, and we see all kind of things that are going on. And as Shlomo Hamelech says, “It's better to go to the house of mourners than go to a party, because the house of mourners sends correct messages and parties send the wrong messages.”
And that's the life we live in. There's no easy answer, other than limiting our interaction with these kind of seductive messages.
Have a wonderful day.