In Parashat Vayetzeh, Yaakov Avinu is on the run. He left his father’s house with money, not unlike Eliezer who left Avraham Avinu’s house with ten camel loads. But when he got to Lavan, he didn’t have a dollar on him. Eliphaz (the son or grandson of Esav) wanted to kill Yaakov because Esav told him to. Yaakov pleaded that a poor man is like a dead man. He told Eliphaz to take his money and in doing so, he’d fulfill his father’s command.
So, Yaakov was now penniless, on his way to find his shidduch.
Then, he had a dream with things going up and down a ladder. What was the message to a Yaakov Avinu, to give him hizzuk, in the dream of the ladder?
To explain, the Midrash of this Parasha tells the story of a certain Matrona (gentile noblewoman) who asked Rav Yossi Bar Halafta how many days it took for G-d to create the world.
He answered that it took six days. Then she asked him what G-d had been doing since?
He told her: הקב״ה יושב ומזווג זווגים
“He’s making matches .... the daughter of so-and-so to so-and-so”
If we analyze this statement, it’s a little strange. She wanted to know how long it took to create the world and what G-d had been doing since then? Obviously, He’s controlling the world.
So, the question is deeper. How is G-d acting as a Creator? Did He take off his “creating cap” after six days?
The answer is, No, He’s still creating. Every marriage is a creation. As we mentioned a few weeks ago, every one of us was personalized. G-d does that by taking a little from this person and that person to create.
G-d is creating constantly.
Every person has to say to themselves:
בשבילי נברא עולם
Because of me, the world was created. I am one a kind.
No one ever has been or will be like me.
This shows that G-d is creating the world. But how does He do that, and what does it have to do with ladders?
The Midrash goes on to say,
עושה סולמות משפיל לזה ומרים לזה ומוריד לזה ולמעלה לזה
God is making ladders. One person becomes important and one less important - it’s all for the purpose of marriages. The Midrash is teaching us an important lesson. Hashem does everything in natural ways. Yitzhak Avinu had to get married but because of the Akedah, he was considered an Olah Temimah and he couldn’t leave Eretz Yisrael. How would he get this wife? Knowing that Betuel and Lavan were impressed with money, Hashem worked it out that Yitzhak had lots of money, in order to draw forth the shidduch with Rivkah. He was זה למעלה -lifted up on the ladder, and that’s what brought Rivka to Yitzhak.
On the other hand, when Yaakov had to get married, he needed to marry four women, in order to have the twelve shevatim. If Yaakov had a lot of money, his shidduch would have come to him and he would have married Rachel. That was his original plan. He would have married his one wife, and had two children. So G-d took Yaakov Avinu’s money away, in order to get him to work for Lavan, work for the wives, then the wives would get switched, and so on, all to make a shidduch.
Hashem is telling Yaakov Avinu, “You don’t understand the ups and downs of the world. The end goal of everything is shidduchim.”
That’s an unbelievable thought. We sometimes hear about the “Shidduch Crisis” This is G-d’s main focus: G-d created you to make a match. The ups and downs of the world -it’s all for the shidduchim. Amazon came along, and people are making money. Some man made a lot of money and now the man’s daughter is more of a catch. That’s the reason he became wealthy. Before that, no one wanted to marry her. That’s a little sad maybe, but that’s how Hashem works. He uses little incentives to push us to do things.
This explains a famous Gemarah in Masechet Sotah that says that marriage is as difficult as the splitting of the sea. What’s the connection? In both cases, G-d doesn’t take away our freedom of choice, but he plays with it. The Egyptians had to run into the sea, but G-d couldn’t force them to. So, G-d told the Jews to tell the Mitzrim they were leaving for three days, and borrow their money, so that the Mitzrim would chase after them. G-d played with their freedom of choice; he enticed, or entrapped them. It’s human nature to chase your money.
Marriage is the same in this way. How can we force this girl to marry that boy? The boy pulls up in nice car, he’s dressed nicely, and comes from a hashuv (important) family- now there’s more motivation for the girl to marry him! Likewise, the girl is very pretty and that motivates the boy.
In this way, Keriat Yam Suf and marriage are alike. G-d pushes us a little, by playing around with these enticements on the side. The lesson here is that Hashem is saying to Yaakov, “Don’t be worried that you lost your money. The end goal is that I want you to get married.”
Have a wonderful day.