Shlomo HaMelech says in Mishleh,
(Perek י״ג, pasuk כד)
חוֹשֵׂךְ שִׁבְטוֹ שׂוֹנֵא בְנוֹ
One who spares the rod hates his child.
This is not like the common saying, “Spare the rod, spoil the child.”
This is “hate the child.”
וְאֹהֲבוֹ שִׁחֲרוֹ מוּסָר
And the one who loves the child,
(according to the Ebn Ezra says) gives him mussar every morning
This sounds hard to believe. How can it be that the father hates his son?
We can explain on a simple level using a mashal: Imagine a parent walking with his child through a mall, on their way back from the dentist, who told them that this child has to stop eating Laffy Taffy, because it’s ruining his teeth and giving him many cavities. But the child loves eating Laffy Taffy. Then they pass by a candy store that’s a Laffy Taffy Center- they have every shape, color and size. The child relentlessly begs and pleads until the parent can’t handle the nagging. He finally gives in and buys some Laffy Taffy. Did that come out of love? Actually, it came out of the parent loving himself, not thinking about what is best for the child, but rather, what was most convenient at the moment.
A loving parent is able to accept the discomfort that comes with disciplining a child. Disciplining hurts.
This is a nice message about parenting, but what does it have to do with Bitachon?
The Midrash in Mishleh explains who is the one who hates his child and who is the one that loves his child....
The One who loves His child is Hashem. Because G-d loves the Jewish people, He gives them Mussar, or difficulties.
G-d is our loving Father, and out of His love comes His discipline for us. This is a very important lesson, so much so, that it might be included in one of the 613 mitzvot. How so? Many people read Parashat Hamann every day, as is brought down in Shulchan Aruch.
(Some people go with the “fads,” and may have said it one day this week. I call it a fad because it’s something people grab onto it as a Segula for Parnassa, but there is no very early source for it- truthfully, we should say Parashat HaMann every single day if possible, as is brought down in Shulchan Aruch. And mentioning the mann every day is in many siddurim.)
Let’s go back to the source, in Parashat Devarim perek ח, pasuk ב, where Hashem says that
וְזָכַרְתָּ אֶת כָּל הַדֶּרֶךְ אֲשֶׁר הוֹלִיכֲךָ יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ זֶה אַרְבָּעִים שָׁנָה בַּמִּדְבָּר
Remember the forty years in the desert.
Why did G-d do it?
לְמַעַן עַנֹּתְךָ לְנַסֹּתְךָ לָדַעַת אֶת אֲשֶׁר בִּלְבָבְךָ הֲתִשְׁמֹר מִצְוֹתָו אִם לֹא
1- to pain you
2 to test you (as we discussed a few days ago)
3- to know if you’ll keep His mitzvot.
He pained you, He starved you, and He gave you the mann. It goes through the whole story. But the take-away is that
וְיָדַעְתָּ עִם לְבָבֶךָ כִּי כַּאֲשֶׁר יְיַסֵּר אִישׁ אֶת בְּנוֹ יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ מְיַסְּרֶךָּ
Like a man chastises his son, Hashem your G-d gives you rebuke and mussar. That’s a very, very powerful statement.
According to some opinions, we have a positive commandment in the Torah to have the proper outlook and realize that Hashem is a loving parent, and it hurts Him more than it hurts us.
It says in the Gemarah in Sanhedrin, What does Hashem say when a rasha/wicked person suffers?
My head hurts, My arm hurts. Hashem is pained when we suffer, but because He loves us, he feels the need, as any good parent does, to discipline His child. Why? Because if you don’t discipline the child now, they will regret it in the end (aside from you regretting it) Hashem wants only what is best for us. And He knows what’s best for us more than anybody does. When things are not going the way we would like them to, we must always invoke this rule. Of course, we can plead with Hashem to have it changed. But right now, when the situation is not the way we want it to be, at that point, we have to remember this rule:
וְאֹהֲבוֹ שִׁחֲרוֹ מוּסָר
The one who loves the child, gives him daily mussar.
This is the way we have to look at Hashem’s relationship with us.
That is a powerful message from Shlomo Hamelech, and it actually goes back to Devarim.
Have a wonderful day.