Welcome to a SIMHA Emotional Wellness Minute. We continue with the concept of not looking at things as just one way or another, which we call black and white thinking. The Yalkut Shemoni comments on a pasuk in Shir Hashirim which says,
שְׁחוֹרָ֤ה אֲנִי֙ וְֽנָאוָ֔ה
I am black and I am still beautiful.
This is referring to somebody extremely tanned and burnt, and the pasuk asks, Is it possible for someone to be dark and black and beautiful?
The Midrash likens this to a princess who has sinned, so her father sends her out into the fields. While out plucking grain, she gets all dark, so her friends tease her. She responds (again, a pasuk in Shir Hashirim), “אַל־תִּרְא֙וּנִי֙ שֶׁאֲנִ֣י שְׁחַרְחֹ֔רֶת שֶׁשְּׁזָפַ֖תְנִי הַשָּׁ֑מֶשׁ
Don't look at me, that I'm black. It's not black through and through. I'm just sunburnt.
That's what the Jewish people say about their sins.
“We're sunburnt. It's only skin deep. It's not who we are.” A person can be ugly through and through, or a person can be a beautiful person that's just a little sunburnt on the outside.
This is an important piece of information for how we look at people, and for how we look at ourselves.
I heard the following story from the man himself, and it moved me and gave me a whole different outlook on him. This person is what we would call a regular guy, not a rabbi, or a learning man. He told me how he became Shomer Shabbat.
He had a retail store, and running a retail store is a test. The busiest days are sometimes days that we're not allowed to work. This man would not usually go to work on Shabbat, but when it was his busy season, he would go to shul first and then go to work (which is how the original early minyanim started-This was the greatness of some of our leaders, who allowed people to do that. They said, “Let's keep him close. Let's at least get them in shul.”)
However, he had an inner feeling that it was not proper to get an Aliyah to the Sefer Torah on a Shabbat that he went to work.
One Shabbat he came to shul, and it was Shabbat Shuva, a very important day between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. He had planned on going to work afterwards, but the Gabbai came over to him and said, “I'd like to give you an Aliyah.” He tried to refuse, but the Gabbai wouldn’t give up, and gave him the Aliyah. He went up to the Sefer Torah and he started to make the beracha, but he couldn't complete it. He started to cry-How can I make a beracha if I'm going to go to work on Shabbat today?
So he committed that he would not go to work that Shabbat. He made the beracha, went back home and spent Shabbat there.
And that was the last Shabbat that he ever had this test. He never went back to work again on Shabbat. Think of the greatness of this man! I cannot imagine myself doing that.
On one hand, he was planning to go to work on Shabbat, and yet he had that feeling of how can I make a Beracha? It's not befitting for me. How can I go to work and make a beracha?
Now, of course, this a little
contradictory to our class. I should've given him a little pep talk on, it's not all or nothing. You can go to work on Shabbat and still make a beracha on the Sefer Torah. But that aside, the point is to understand how people are just sunburned sometimes, but they are really good people.
And we will close this discussion with a quote on the distinction between guilt and shame. “Guilt means, I'm sorry, I made a mistake. Guilt has the ability to hold something we've done or failed to do against who we want to be. It's uncomfortable, but it's adaptive. On the other hand, Shame says, I'm sorry, and- not I made a mistake, but- I am a mistake. Guilt is focused on the action, whereas shame is focused on the person.”
But if you have all or nothing thinking, there is no difference between the action and the person.
And, to end with a Torah thought, Rav Yerucham Levovitz once said, “Only great people can hate Resha’im/the wicked, because a great person can differentiate between the person and his actions. Small people cannot.”
This is not just applicable to how we look at others, but also to how we look at ourselves. If you're not great enough to separate the person from the action, then every bad action is going to turn you into a bad person, and you'll fall into the depths of despair. Remember, your actions don't reflect on who you are. You are inherently good.
שְׁחוֹרָ֤ה אֲנִי֙ וְֽנָאוָ֔ה
I am black, I am beautiful.
אַל־תִּרְא֙וּנִי֙ שֶׁאֲנִ֣י שְׁחַרְחֹ֔רֶת שֶׁשְּׁזָפַ֖תְנִי הַשָּׁ֑מֶשׁ
Don't look at my dark complexion.
It's just a sunburn. It's not who I am.
Have a wonderful day.