Welcome to Emotional Wellness Daily, a project of SIMHA, the Sephardic Initiative for Mental Health Awareness.
The beauty of having a Torah that gives us all the secrets is that we know what happened, brought things about, and what man's weaknesses and strengths are.
We don't need to hypothesize and come up with theories for things. We know exactly what it says, clearly in the Torah. We know man's inherent weaknesses.
Let’s go back to the beginning of creation and man’s first sin, on day one. We've spoken many times about what drove man to sin. We spoke about his need to be in control, and how the snake sold him on that- very important information into the human psyche.
Today were going to discuss what happened after the sin. Adam and Chava ate from the tree, and God approached Adam, “Adam, what'd you do?”
What did Adam respond? “It was lady that You gave me.” He could have taken responsibility for what he did, saying, “God, I made the wrong choice. My wife suggested something, but I shouldn't have listened to her. It was a mistake. I take responsibility.” But no, that's not what he did. Instead, he shifted the blame. “What do You want from me? She told me to do it.”
Suddenly you listen to your wife on everything? Yes. She told me to do it.
Next, we go to Chava.
“Lady, what'd you do? How'd you tell your husband to do that?” And what does she say, “It wasn't me. It was the snake. Blame the snake!”
That is man's nature. Man likes to blame-shift and not take responsibility. That is the most basic human reaction to failure. It's hardwired into us to shift the blame, so to say, and Adam HaRishon is held responsible.
The Gemara brings this down as a complaint on Adam. Not only did he blame God, but he should also have thanked God for the wonderful gift of a wife. He didn't have Hakarat HaTov.
Rav Wolbe, in his sefer Aleh Shor (vol 2, page 413), says something very interesting. When talking about Rosh Hashanah (which interestingly enough is the day that Adam’s sin was judged, and we're judged on that same day), he cites the mishna that tells us that man is judged alone. It’s just you and God, so to say, like the Kohen HaGadol who walks into the Holy of Holies alone. What is it about the being alone on Judgment Day? Rav Wolbe says it’s because, “There's nobody there to roll your mistake onto. There's no one there to blame for your stumbling. When he stands in that moment in front of his Creator in judgment, there's no one else there.” You can't get up and say, It was my father's fault. It was my mother's fault. It was my school's fault, it was my teacher's fault, it was my brother's fault….I was bullied in the playground.
Of course, we're not taking away the fact that other people do things to people and are to blame, and people are hurt by other people, Heaven forbid to say otherwise.
But everyone has a level of responsibility. Of course, God knows what your ability of choices. He knows what your Nekudat HaBechira/ area of choice is.
Of course, someone who had trauma in their youth has limited choice, but ultimately there is responsibility. This is an extremely important point, and it's necessary for our emotional wellness and resilience. You can't change, and you can't get better if you just wallow in your misery and blame the world for your problems, your mistakes or your sins.
At some level, a person has to take responsibility, and that was Adam’s first mistake.
You made a mistake. Take responsibility.