Welcome to Emotional Wellness Daily, a project of Sephardic Initiative for Mental Health Awareness.
Our theme lately has been appreciating your accomplishments, your mission, and meaning and purpose in life and even when it doesn't seem like you’re doing anything.
As we mentioned, the beginning of Bamidbar is all about the importance of the individual- we start off this week with Lift up your head in Nasso, and we discussed Lifkudotam/your mission the previous week.
It says we count the person L’Gulgotam, which means to their skull. A skull is called a gulgolet, because it's galgal/ round, but gilgolet can also have the meaning of gilgul, which is a reincarnation, which has a similar meaning of coming around again.
That means that sometimes what we're accomplishing here is fixing something from a previous Gilgul, and that can give meaning and purpose to everything that you do, without even realizing it.
One of my favorite stories illustrates this. (I have about a hundred favorite stories that I like to use. If you get to know me after a while, you'll know all my stories): About 25 years ago, there was a boy who was about 24 years old, and he’d been dating for many years, getting more and more frustrated. He was learning in Lakewood, and there weren't many single girls in Lakewood in those days. So, he'd leave Lakewood at about five o'clock, drive to Brooklyn, walk into the house to pick up the girl that the shadchan set him up with. After talking to the parents for 10 minutes, the girl would walk in. He’d see she wasn’t for him after talking for a few minutes. Then he’d take her to to Manhattan to a lounge, sit down, talk to her for a few hours, trying to be nice and polite, but she was not for him. Then he’d drive her home, drive back to Lakewood, and get stuck in traffic. He’d finally get to sleep at one o'clock in the morning and wake up the next day down and depressed. He would tell the shadchan that she wasn’t for him, and the shadchan would say, “No, that’s not nice. It’s going to break the girl's heart. You have to go out a second time.” So, they’d go out a second time. This time he takes her out to eat and does his best. The end. This happened 20 or 30 times with 20 or 30 different girls, and he was ready to pull his hair out.
He’d think, “What in the world am I doing? This is Avodat Parech/back- breaking work. There is no meaning. There is no purpose. I'll wait till I'm 30. Just tell me that I'll get married at 30 and leave me alone. Why do I have to go through this pain and suffering?”
He went to speak to Rabbi Schwab in Monsey. He was a big sadik and he told the boy the following. It was in the month of Adar, Purim time when people wear masks. “When people are wearing a mask, I don't know who you are, and you don't know who I am. We're wearing masks, we're covering ourselves up- really we're somebody else.”
The Rabbi continued, “And that's true all the time. We're always wearing masks. You don't know who I who I am. I don't know who you are. For example (I'm embellishing on this a bit) imagine that last Gilgul, you were a tough boss who fired 30 secretaries. You never said goodbye, you just had HR come, lock up their computers on Friday afternoon and send them out without a reason or explanation. You broke all those girls' hearts. Then you get to the next world and they want you to fix it. How am I going to fix it? How am I going to find these 30 girls?
God says, “Don't worry about it. I'm going to send you to their doorsteps.” Of course you don’t know this, but you're going to go there, and this time around, hopefully you'll pass your test and be nice to these 30 girls. So instead of dropping them on the first date, you’ll go out on the second date, and you'll take them out to eat. You'll be kind. You'll open the door and close the door for them, and you'll end the relationships in the proper way. Whether you know it or not, that's the right thing to do.
So if you live life correctly, you'll be given the opportunities to fix everything you need to fix… that difficult neighbor, that difficult relative, that challenging situation... They are all there to give you an opportunity to correct what you need to correct. Therefore, every situation has meaning and purpose. You don't have to know what and why. You don’t have to go to a Mekubal in Israel to find out what you did. Just live your life the way you're supposed to, follow the Torah, follow the Halacha, advise with Chachamim, and you will be accomplishing just by living life in the proper way, in all the relationships that you have. That way you'll fix what happened last time.
That outlook turns everything around. I remember when I heard this story, I used it in my own life. I was teaching eighth grade in a certain school, after learning in Kollel in Israel for 10 years, and I felt like I was running a three-ring circus. I thought, “This is what I put all my heart and soul into? To become a a circus manager? I was going crazy. Then one day, after hearing that story about the gilgul, I told myself, “Probably what happened was that in the last gilgul, I caused Bitul Torah for these 10 kids. I was the ringleader. Maybe we went gambling, or partying… who knows what we did. And now God says, you have to come fix this.”
And maybe I said, “How do I know who these 10 guys are?” And God said, “No problem. I'm going to put you in a room with them for a full year and you'll spit blood, sweat, and tears in order to get these guys to learn. That way, you'll fix what you did for them last time.”
Suddenly I got up and I said, “Wow, I'm doing something in this room, even though I don't think I'm doing anything.
Yes, I made up the story, but it worked for me, and it could work for you too. That's a powerful reframe. It’s a powerful ability to create meaning and purpose with a little bit of Emuna. Have a wonderful day.