Welcome to Emotional Wellness Daily, a project of SIMHA, The Sephardic Initiative for Mental Health Awareness.
I spend part of my day in the SIMHA office. Invariably, there are people that come to seek out what we'll call rabbinical advice for a mental health struggle.
Recently somebody come in who was dealing with an addiction problem (we usually deal with more with mental health) made an appointment to talk to me, and he had the following question: He had joined a group support where people sit around the table and they discuss their struggles with whatever area they are fighting, whether it's gambling, alcoholism or the like.
And he said that he felt a tremendous connection to Hashem sitting around this table with other people like him struggling with addiction. He said he felt more connected there than he did when he prayed or learned. He was disturbed by this. How could it be that he was feeling spiritually connected when sitting with people who are struggling with deep and dark issues but not feel that same spiritual connection in a place of holiness, in a place of learning or prayer?
Hashem sent me two answers, two Mareh Mekomot. One of them is from Rabbenu Yonah in Shaare Teshuva. When talking about breaking desire, he quotes a pasuk in Mishleh, “A desire that is broken is sweet to the soul.”
He says when a person breaks his desire, even in areas that are permitted (and I'll add surely in areas that are asur) he's fixing his soul.
He's fixing his spirit.”
“And this trait is sweet for the soul; sweet for the spirit. For you have just lifted up your intellect, it lifted up your spiritual side, and you won.
As we know, it says, “Who's the strong man? The man that controls his Yetzer Hara.” There is no better feeling than self-control. When you go through any type of self-control program, whether it's exercise or dieting or to stop smoking, there's no better feeling than the fact that you controlled yourself. You went to the gym, you stayed on your diet and so on.
I told this man that sadly, your learning and prayer may have just been out of rote. There was no real inner growth. You were just praying because you’re praying and learning because you're learning. It wasn't a spiritual experience. But when you were struggling with your Yetzer Hara (and again, it's all about the struggle, as we know, Yaakov Avinu was told Your name should no longer be Yaakov because you struggled with Godly forces and with man and you were successful) it’s the struggle. And since you're struggling and you're overcoming, that is a spiritual accomplishment, and therefore you felt the connection.
This is an important point- there is room for the feeling of spiritual greatness when you are in a group of people sharing and working on dark secrets.
Someone recently told me they once asked Rabbi by Abraham J Twersky, why he enjoys being at AA meetings with all people struggling with addiction. Why hang out with them? Why not hang out in shul or in Yeshiva?
And he said, “Find me another place where people are fighting for their life to change.”
So let’s appreciate the greatness of people who are struggling and realize that they can be very spiritually connected in that struggle.
Have a wonderful day.
