In honor of Mark S. Dweck by an admirer
Yesterday we learned an important lesson from the Gemarah in Masechet Avodah Zara (8a): Anxiety, worry and depression are not part of the inherent human DNA. Man was not born to worry; man was not born to be depressed. Due to his sin, worry anxiety and depression were introduced. This is important to know, because it’s not the way it was, so to say, ״supposed” to be. G-d put Adam HaRishon into Gan Eden, and we bless every new couple “Sameach T’Samach... you should be extremely happy, beloved friends, like your creator made you happy in Gan Eden from before.”
That means that every couple can come back to the level of happiness of Adam and Chava in Gan Eden, originally before they sinned. But as we’ve said, this takes work. We have to lift ourselves up out of sin.
But what exactly is the gain, now that anxiety and depression have become our DNA (although not inherently)? What’s the benefit?
Let’s review the story from yesterday, about Adam HaRishon. After the first 36 hours of his marriage, when the sun finally set, he went to sleep with the fear that the world would revert to nothingness, and he and his wife cried all night. He made an offering to G-d of the first cow created, to express his thanks for not being killed. A few months later, when the days started getting shorter, again he feared that the world was reverting to darkness, but this time, he didn’t just stay up all night crying. This time, when it went on day after day, and it seemed really serious, he fasted for eight days. Then, when he realized, as the days started getting longer, that the world wasn’t reverting back to nothingness, he turned those eight days into a holiday the following year.
What is the lesson of the aftermath of these episodes? What happened after the anxiety, after the catastrophic thinking that the sky was falling?
Adam HaRishon realized that it didn’t happen. He realized that Hashem had protected him and saved him. That realization is the ultimate benefit of the catastrophic thinking.
When a person worries that his loved one doesn’t answer the phone, and worries about what happened, but it turns out to be nothing, or when a person has a funny feeling in his chest, and wonders what it is, but it’s only heart burn, or other cases, we aren’t just supposed to just say, “Big deal”.
We are supposed to learn from Adam HaRishon and realize that those little fears are there to remind us that something really could have happened, and that we need G-d to protect us. We have to grateful even when nothing at all happened, and it was just a figment of our imagination.
Why did Adam HaRishon bring a korban?
In both instances, Adam HaRishon realized that the sun was just setting and it was, in the words of the Gemarah, “מנהגו של עולם- it’s the way of the world”
So if it was just the way of the world, why celebrate? Nothing happened. If a woman giving birth for the first time and didn’t know that there would be cramps, she’d have no idea what was happening to her. She’d think she had some disease, because she never felt anything like that before. She’d take herself to the emergency room- not the delivery room. Then, if someone told her that it was just normal labor, would she now bring a thank-you korban, because those terrible cramps weren’t a severe stomach attack? No, she’d just realize it was a mistake - it was Minhag HaOlam- the way of the world.
So why was Adam HaRishon bringing offerings and making eight-day holidays if nothing happened?
The answer is that Adam HaRishon realized that something could have happened. The purpose of anxiety and catastrophic thinking is ultimately to bring us to Hakarat HaTov, to bring us to gratitude and make us realize that Hashem is watching over us. These are not coincidences. Anytime we perceive something that gives us anxiety, it’s there for a purpose. Hashem gave us this feeling, after the sin, not as a punishment, but rather as a tikkun- a correction, The Nefesh Chaim tells us that all of Adam HaRishon’s “punishments” weren’t really punishments. They were tikkunim, a way to fix man.
So, anxiety fixes us.
Let’s take all of the anxiety that we’ve endured over the past three months and turn it into a korban. Let’s take all the anxiety and turn it into a holiday.
We must be grateful for all the things that we worried about, that never materialized, like the worry that we’d never return to shul, or never make another sale, or never ship anything again. Baruch HaShem, things are beginning to turn around. We must be thankful and gracious. We can’t just say, “Oh, I worried about nothing, ha ha. Silly me!”
No. We have to be like Adam HaRishon, and respond to our worry, and turn it into a holiday. Make a list of all the things you worried about, your job, etc. We worried a lot. And it’s not over yet! The riots, politics, police… there are a lot of things we continue to worry about. So we use our Bitachon to overcome our worries, but we have to admit to ourselves if we did have anxieties and worries, and respond in the Hakarat Hatov way, and turn lemons into lemon juice. We must turn our catastrophic thinking into holidays.
Have a wonderful day.