Welcome to Emotional Wellness Daily, a SIMHA project.
Quoting Dr David Katzenstein:
“One of the ways that we can pursue happiness, contentment, satisfaction, and importantly, peace of mind, is by first clarifying what our values are.
Values, in this context, are the beliefs and principles that we live by. We have to ask ourselves: What is this world about? What is my place in the world? What kind of contribution do I want to make to the world? What kind of impact do I want to have on those around me?
We have to find the answer to a question that we might ask ourselves each and every morning- Why am I getting out of bed today?If we don't know the answer to that question, and instead we just think, “Well, I have to get paid,” or,
“I don't really have a choice,” then we're living reactively as opposed to intentionally and actively.
So how do we live with our values? One exercise that can help clarify what our values is to imagine that you're at your own funeral (I know it's a morbid exercise), but the person giving your eulogy can't discuss any of your achievements or accomplishments. So no, he can’t say you made a billion dollars or that you gave X amount of money to charity, or that you had x amount of children or grandchildren.
It can only about your character traits. Examples might be, “He was caring…she was loving… he was generous… she was patient… he was understanding.”
Think of the top three traits, or even more simply, just the top trait that you want this person to say about you, and really internalize it.. What is the top trait that you want to be remembered by? And whatever that is, (as we said, it can be loving, caring, understanding, generous, patient or whatever it may be), internalize that.
Then imagine that you're wearing a cape, and on the back, there's that word. It’s the word that the person eulogizing you will say, if they had to describe you in one word. Imagine walking around with that word on your back, in every interaction.
Then, for every moment that you spend, either with yourself, or more importantly, with others, really internalize this trait that you want to give over to them. This is the value that you feel will have an impact on the person you're speaking with, and it’s what you want to contribute, not only to this person, but to the rest of the world, for the rest of your life.”