The Hovot Halevavot gives words of comfort and direction to those who feel alone in life. They may not have family, they might be in a strange place, or maybe they’re immigrants. For whatever the reason, the Hovot HaLevavot has words of hizuk (comfort) for them. Within these words are lessons for us all.
His first words of hizuk are:
Don’t feel bad if you feel alone, because really, we are all alone here. Every one of us came from another, spiritual world. We were all sent here on a mission. We may have people around us, but they’re just scenery. They have nothing to do with our mission. They can’t change anything for us; they can neither make things better nor worse. They’re just part of the background of life’s challenges and missions. They have nothing to do with our personal missions. Therefore, we are all alone.
So if you feel that you’re alone, don’t feel bad, because you’re no different than anyone else. Everyone is alone. It’s just each of us here, in a strange world, where we don’t really belong, and we’re all on missions from G-d.
The second words of comfort he tells us, also come with an important lesson for us: He says,
Regarding even those people who are currently socially active, and seem to have a lot going on,
כי כל מי שיש לו קרובים בו עד זמן מעט ישוב נכרי בודד
All those people, with all those relatives, in a short time they too will be alone. And all of his friends and family won’t be able to help him.
This is referring to the fact after our long stay of 120 years in this world, we’ll go onto the next world.
In that world, the only things that can make a difference for us are our Torah and our mitzvot. Many sources give the following mashal to explain this.
(It’s found in the Rishonim and in the Midrashim, as far back as Pirkei D’Rav Eliezer)
In his lifetime, a person has 3 friends:
His family, his assets, and his good deeds.
[As an aside, I’ll share a nice Dvar Torah that I’ve heard on this:
In life, we are always juggling. Juggling, as we know, entails holding up at least three balls. The three balls we have to juggle in life are are usually our family responsibilities, our business responsibilities and our religious responsibilities.
When a person juggles, he can hold two of the balls in his two hands. But how does he manage the third? The answer is, we throw the third up to G-d.]
To recap, we have three friends that we rely on: Our family, our money, and our good deeds.
The Mashal is that a man once had 3 groups of friends. When he had an upcoming court case, he approached what he thought were his best friends, but they didn’t want to have anything to do with him or his court case. They were afraid to get involved with him, in case his name was ruined in the case. They abandoned him.
He then went on to his next set of friends, who weren’t as close, and asked them for help with his court case. They offered to walk him up to the door of the court, and advise him on the way, but would go no further. They were scared.
Finally, he turned to his casual friends, the ones he might say hello to at weddings. Again he asked for help. They not only offered to go into court with him, but they promised to be there until the end, fighting and advocating for him, promising never to give up until he’d get a favorable judgement.
The Nimshal:
Money is the first friend. It gives a man power, freedom, and strength, but as soon as he passes away, his money disconnects immediately.
The next set of friends is man’s family and friends. They’ll walk him to his grave but that’s it. They won’t continue on with him.
The final group, the casual friends, are man’s Torah and mitzvot. He may not be so close to them; his Siddur, his tefilin might not have been there constantly, but when he asks them for help, they’re there till the end.
As the pasuk says,
והלך לפניך צדקיך
Your good deeds go ahead of you.
Therefore, the Hovot HaLevavot says, to those who feel alone, don’t feel bad. Everyone will be alone. You may actually have more “friends” than others seem to have. Don’t get down, no matter your situation, and keep your Bitachon going.
Have a wonderful day.