To recap: We have previously discussed 4/5 reasons that righteous people suffer.
1- He’s not perfect and the suffering is to cleanse him of his sins in this world
2- He is perfect, but his acceptance of suffering properly will bring him great reward in Olam Habah
3- He is a role model for how to act/react when life is not going the way we like it to.
4- His suffering protects the generation
In all of these scenarios it’s a win-win situation.
The fifth and final reason the Hovot HaLevavot gives is a scary one- especially for a rabbi. This person is a sadik, and the other four reasons don’t apply:
מפני שאיננו מקנא לאלקים לקחת הדין מאנשי דורו
Due to his not being sufficiently zealous in standing up for G-d, and exacting justice from men of his generation.
He’s not zealous. He looks like a great man but he sits in the corner and doesn’t say anything. The Hovot HaLevavot uses Eli HaCohen’s children as the example. They were not helping the generation.
This is תוכחה / rebuke. We see from here that there are two sides to this. If you don’t give rebuke, it’s a big problem. But if you do, you get the reward of those you have effected.
We are now in the Nine Days of mourning over the Hurban. One of the reasons the Bet HaMikdash was destroyed was that they didn’t rebuke each other. The rabbis ask, wasn’t it destroyed because of baseless hatred? The answer they give is that they’re one and the same. If you care you about someone, you don’t want to see them doing wrong. You rebuke when you care.
“Live and Let live” is not the right way. That’s really “live and let die.” If someone takes poison, do you just leave them? Do you leave someone on their wrong path? If you care about the person, it bothers you.
Consider the following:
ואהבת לרעך כמוך
- לא תשנא את אחיך בלבבך
הוכח תוכיח את עמיתך
Love your friend like you love yourself.
Don’t hate him in your heart.
Rebuke your friend.
Rebuke is an act of love and concern, but this is only true if it comes out of love. That’s why the Gemara says that few people know how to rebuke properly. It has to come from love, and if the recipient doesn’t feel that it’s coming out of love, it’s not rebuke.
If you see someone riding a bike on Shabbat, or texting, and run over to yell at them, that’s not Tochacha/Rebuke. It has to come out of concern and love. We don’t want that person to suffer. We care about him.
Rabbi Yaakov Kaminetsky tells of a man who came to a new town and did something wrong at shul (such as speaking during the prayers, or sitting when they all stood). Immediately someone ran over to correct him. The man asked: “I’m new here. I’m a stranger. Did you ask me if I have a place to eat? Do you care about me? Did you ask me if I have anything to eat before you came to rebuke me?”
Don’t just use rebuke as an opportunity for a “Gotcha!” moment, to catch someone doing something wrong- like making his tea the wrong way on Shabbat. That’s not rebuke. It has to come out of love.
If a person is a sadik, he can’t just care about himself. He can’t just say “I’m good- I’ll get to Olam Habah.”
What about everyone else? He has to care about the people. The Hovot HaLevavot is saying that this is a possibility when you see a seemingly great Sadik suffering and can’t understand it.
It’s scary. We have to love and care for the people.
Anyone that is able to rebuke and doesn’t is held responsible.
One of things we have to think of about is the following: Is there a caring way to share thoughts and feelings of concern for others?
During the week of Tisha B’Av, we always read Parashat Devarim- words of mussar from Moshe Rabbenu. It says words of mussar from a loved one are better than the flattery of the enemy. Bilaam flattered us and we sinned; Moshe Rabbenu rebuked us and we fixed ourselves.
This is the time of year to look into yourself and ask: Do I love people? Do I care about them? Is there a nice way to look at the people I care for, and in a way that lets them feel how much I love them, tell them nicely to fix their ways?