Welcome to our class on humility. When it comes to working on and thinking about a specific Middah, there is always a possible danger that something could ruin the Middah or ruin the effort.
In the third gate of the Hovot Halevavot, the Gate of Serving Hashem (fourth chapter), he talks about the ten levels of service of Hashem. The ninth level (which is pretty close to the top) is people who serve Hashem for the right reasons, yet lack an important piece of information. שלא נשמרו ממפסידי העבודות, They aren't careful from guarding themselves from the things that could cause their service Hashem to be lacking.
He quotes a pasuk from Kohelet (10:1) זבובי מות יבאיש יביע שמן רוקח /The flies of death can ruin the best of oils and quotes one of the pious men telling the students, "I'm afraid for you, for the greatest of sins." They asked, What is the greatest of sins?
And he said, הגבהות (החונף) והגאוה, כמו שאמר הכתובFeeling exalted, being a flatterer, and having Ga'ava/ arrogance, as it says תועבת ה' כל גבה לב:,/An abomination to God is anybody arrogant.
This is scary. A person can do everything right and it can backfire, specifically when a person is working on humility. He might say, "Wow, look who I am. I'm working on humility." He ends up becoming arrogant from that!
Rav Wolbe, in his letters, (vol 2, page 129), hints to this Hovot Halevavot and says, When a person works on Middot, every step of the way, he feels that his actions are coming from arrogance that's born from the Flatterer, which are almost the exact words of this Hovot Halevavot.
And he says, I have a tradition from my rabbis that we should never think we're doing anything. Whatever we do is only to train ourselves. We're apprenticing, we're interning. When I'm trying to be Mechaven in my prayers, I'm just training myself in how to do it. Whatever I'm working on, it's just a training session.
He says, Hitlamdut/ an internship or training doesn't drag arrogance. In Aleh Shor (vol two, page 194) he says something similar: When it comes to apprenticing, it's impossible to become arrogant. If I'm doing something good, I can become arrogant. But if I'm just training, I haven't really done anything because I'm only in training. When I'm in training mode, I'm always looking to see what I can fix. My critical eye is going over me every step of the way. A therapist, a doctor, whoever's in training, they know they're in training. Like the nine interns following the big professor through the hospital. They're not arrogant. They know that they're interns. He stresses that we must understand this, and that the only success a person will have in working on themselves is if they have this attitude. Otherwise it's just going to backfire.
You might say, "Look at me! Not only am I working on Bitachon, not only do I work on Hessed, I'm even working on Anava! Do you know how great I am?!"
He says, If a person does not understand this concept that you're in the internship stage, you're just training, you're in the minor leagues, then you're better off not doing this. You'll be a good Jew without it. It's not for you. It's too dangerous. Furthermore, in Aleh Shor (vol 1, page 65) Rav Wolbe says we are supposed to think, "I just want to get a little bit better, or a little bit more truthful in my approach," One should not think, "I made it," or "I got it." Like the example of the poor man who knocks on the door and comes in in the middle of the meal. He is served whatever they're up to. He's not going to say, "Ooh, look who I am!" You're just an intern. You're apprenticing. It shouldn't get to your head.
Mesilat Yesharim, in chapter 11, talks about different manifestations of Ga'ava. He says there's a certain type of arrogant person who says in his heart that he's so great and so honorable that honor can never separate from him, and therefore he doesn't even need it. To show that, he'll go to the extreme in humility. But in his heart, he lifts himself up and says, I'm so high up and so respected that I don't even need respect. I'm so great, I don't need someone to tell me how great I am. I have so much of it. I don't need anyone else to pat me on the back.
A slightly different type of arrogant person says, "I want to be clearly designated as a person with many great qualities. It's not enough that people say for example, that I'm wise, or I'm kind. He want them to add to the list of his great qualities that I'm very humble. He becomes arrogant in his humility! He wants honor for showing that he's running away from honor! He sits in the back of the shul, and he acts in a very humble way to show that he's the ultimate Anav. Don't call me Rabbi, it's okay, he says. But in his heart he thinks, There's no one wiser and more humble than me. אֵין חָכָם וְעָנָו כָּמוֹנִי בְּכָל הָאָרֶץ"
So both the Mesilat Yesharim and Hovot Halevavot are warning us that working on oneself and working on humility can backfire.
That's why we go back to Rav Wolbe who tells us an important rule: One must always put on his training cap. He's an intern. He doesn't know anything. He's a humble person in training.
The sefer Or Yisrael by Rabbi Yitzhak of Peterberg, in the section Kochvei Or
( (אות י brings down a pasuk from the Gemara in Berachot 61 that says that Yetzer Hara is compared to a fly. And they quote our pasuk זבובי מות יבאיש יביע שמן רוקח /The flies of death can ruin the best of oils.
Why is the Yetzer Hara compared to a fly? The Or Yisrael answers, Because as many times as you yell at him, swat at him or blow on him, he doesn't go away. You have to keep sending away. He keeps coming back. That's the Yetzer Hara. He doesn't give up. And that's why even when we're working on something good, and we're trying to send him away, he comes right back. You have to be always aware of him. That's the only way to fight him- to take your fly swatter and keep swatting away.
He gives a nice hint- the Gemara in Berachot 10A says that the Isha Shunamit, when describing Elisha, said, I know he's holy. How did she know? One of the reasons is that she never saw a fly on his table. There were never flies around him. He says this is a mashal- There were never flies meant he was able to keep chasing away the Yetzer Hara.