We continue our discussion on arrogance, usually as it relates to bitachon, but today we will take a slightly different twist. We spoke yesterday about the man who plays with his hair and plays with his clothing, and the Yetzer Hara says, “He's my boy.” The Mesilat Yesharim explains i that this is due to the Ga’avah. The man that's going after his externals is playing the Ga’avah card.
There's a very interesting pasuk in Yeshaya that is also discussed in the Gemara (Masechet Shabbat 62B), where it talks about the source of the destruction of the Bet Hamikdash. At that time, there were a lot of things going wrong, idolatry, adultery, and murder. And of course, the Torah looks for the source of where it started. Where does adultery, or, to go a little deeper, where does immodest dress come from? We know this is something that ladies struggle with mightily. It's not an easy struggle. The Gaon of Vilna says that a man's battle to learn Torah is like a lady's battle for her modesty. What Torah learning does for a man, modesty does for a lady. So obviously, the Yetzer Hara is going to really work on that. Just as he doesn't want a man to learn Torah in depth, he doesn't want a lady to dress modestly. So, what exactly is the source of immodesty? People wonder, “How can someone dress like that? What's going on? What are they thinking?” Where's it coming from?” The Torah knows how to look into the depths of the soul, and gives us the answer. In Yeshaya 3,16 it says,
וַיֹּ֣אמֶר ה׳ יַ֚עַן כִּ֤י גָֽבְהוּ֙ בְּנ֣וֹת צִיּ֔וֹן
“Hashem’s said, ‘Because the daughters of Zion have become arrogant.’”
This is God talking. You can't get truer than that.
The pasuk then goes on to describe how they're walking with their heads up high, and they're wearing a lot of makeup and a lot of perfume. But it doesn't say the girls are promiscuous, it says these girls were arrogant.
When I first saw this, it was a very big hiddush to me, because it lends understanding to something- Sometimes you might see a very good person, an extremely good person, that is struggling with proper dress.
But what they're really struggling with is (as we discussed when we talked about arrogance) is self-esteem. In the world we live in, what we call body image has a tremendous impact on a person's self-image.
The person substitutes self-image with body image, and self-image is extremely important, as is self-esteem. But what is your self? How do you identify your self? Ga’avah is a need to feel good about yourself. But when a person fills himself with more substantial, meaningful things, his Ga’avah dissipates, because he has his self-esteem.
When people cover themselves properly, they're basically saying, “My body is not me. I'm not showing off my body because that's not me. Me is something that's much more internal. Me is something that doesn't get shared all over the place.”
Once that self-esteem comes about, the other things go away.
Similarly, we often see men driving fancy sports cars, especially in the summertime. People like their toys. And we're not coming to talk against anybody. I'll talk to myself. I like gadgets. If I could afford it, I'd be driving a fancy car too. It's just something that makes you feel good, for some reason. We spoke about this from Rav Wolbe, who said that in Eretz Yisrael, the Yeshiva boys don't go into the army and they have certain restrictions. They can't go to work until they're 30 , or whatever the restrictions are, and they accept it. One day the government wanted to say that they can't have driver's licenses, and the Yeshiva boys protested vehemently.
Rav Wolbe said, “What is it about a driver's license? It’s that a car makes you feel bigger. A car is an expression of you. As if you don't have a car, you're not a person. It’s just a bigger you. That vroom in the engine, that's your vroom. That's just the way it works.
A car makes you feel more important. If you drive a jalopy, you don't feel very good. When you're pulling up at a fancy wedding and there's valet parking and you're driving a banged-up jalopy-I'll talk for myself- You don't feel great. Now, we're not going to say that person's a horrific person. We understand it. Everyone's pulling up with a fancy car, and you're driving a jalopy. It’s hard. Unless, of course, you're a great rabbi totally steeped in the Gemara and there's nothing else that's important to you. I still remember once when I first came to Deal, I had to pick up a Rabbi’s daughter to take her someplace- maybe for a play date with my daughter, I don't remember the exact details.
I asked the rabbi what kind of car he drove, so I could find it in the parking lot. And he said, “I'm not sure…a brown car.” I could not believe that. ‘A brown car!’ That's greatness!
But getting back to our story, we're not going to look down at that man. He's just a little uncomfortable.
Well, that’s the hiddush here. For a lady, her car, so to speak (sorry to use the term), is the way she looks. Her appearance is her car. And therefore, it's a battle and a struggle not to be able to pull up to the wedding like everybody else. It's not a promiscuity issue, it's an arrogance issue. Again, arrogance is something we have to deal with. Arrogance comes from a lack of self-esteem. We have to fill our self-esteem.
We can go on forever on this topic, and it’s not just for ladies, it's for men too. Today we have big eating-disorder issues- anorexia, bulimia and all the other sorts, that come from poor body image, which is a result of social media, of comparisons and the like. This is a huge topic, but what it really is saying is, deep down, if a person is happy with themselves and they have a different expression of who they are, they're in a better place.
There was a great actor, named Christopher Reeves, who played Superman in Hollywood.
Then, one day, he was thrown off his horse. He snapped his neck and became paralyzed for life.
He was very depressed. He did not go out in public for a year. When he finally showed up, it was for a few moments, with his wife at his side, and he had a breathing machine. They asked him, “How'd you pull yourself out of depression?” And he said these words, and I'll never forget them, “It took me one year of therapy to realize I am not my body.”
That's a huge statement. ‘I'm not my body.’
And, I'm not my car.
If I am my body, and I am my car, then I'm going to drive a fancy car and I'm going to make sure that I look the best.
But if I am my soul and not my body, that's a whole different story. And that's really the true depths of Ga’avah.
We need Kavod. It says Kavod should sing to you forever.
Kavod is your Neshama. Your Neshama needs Kavod. It's whole essence is Kavod. But what’s kavod?
En Kavod Elah Torah
Kavod is religion. Kavod is serving God. And that fills your need for real meaning, not for the external substitutes.
Have a wonderful day.