Welcome to Emotional Wellness Daily. We continue with cognitive distortions as quoted by Dr. Greenwald, based on the Steipler. We're still in cognitive distortion number one, which is that I have to be beloved by all, and everyone should agree with what I'm doing? This brings us to the question, so how do you know what you should be doing?
The reason people try to do things that are prestigious and respectable is because that's what people recognize and appreciate.
He gives the example of a yeshiva boy who says he wants to be a Rosh Yeshiva, but it could also apply to a working man that wants to run a company, or whatever it may be. So how do you know?
This is something we've discussed many a time. Quoting Dr. Greenwald, “God created every human being that he should fulfill his specific mission in the world, that is specific to him, based on the makeup of his soul, where he lives and the time that he lives, and that fits his essence.” That means he was brought down into this world at this time, in this place with this family and this community.
Hashem gave us all of the tools that we need to fulfill our missions.
He quotes a pasuk in Kohelet 1,8 that says, “Don't say the old days were better. That's not good. Don't say, ‘If Rabbi Akiva was alive, I would learn by him.’ Rather ‘the Torah scholar of your generation is like that of the previous generation as far as you are concerned.’
There are no, “If onlys.”
All God wants from you is that you should be successful based on your abilities. With that, you will reach perfection.
I once heard from Dr. David Rosmarin, who heard it from Rabbi Keleman that someone was once sitting with Rav Wolbe and they saw a swan landing so beautifully.
This man said, “Look how graceful they are!.”
Rav Wolbe said, “Do you know why they're graceful? Because they're doing what Hashem set them out to do. They're using their talents. If you use the talents that God gave you, you'll be graceful as well.” People start getting clumsy when the cow wants to be an eagle.
The midrash says ( Shemot Raba 29,1), If it said ‘God's voice at Har Sanai was according to God's strength,’ the world would not be able to stand. Instead, it says, “God came with the strength.” What does the strength mean? It means God appears to each person, based on his strength and his ability. That's how God appears, and that's what a person has to do.
Therefore, he says, that yeshiva boy who wants to reach a level that doesn't match him, doesn't match the talents and abilities that he was gifted, who wants to be a Rosh Yeshiva, and wants to act with stringencies that are above his level, that don't match him or his makeup, or his family, not only is he not fulfilling the will of God, he's going to weaken himself and he's not going to reach the levels that he's supposed to reach.
All this comes from cognitive distortions and from Middot as well. It might be a drive of Ga’avah or the like.
This is a very common problem for many people. They decide on some unrealistic mission in life, and then they get down and upset because they aren’t fulfilling their mission. But they don’t realize, as we once quoted from the Hovot Halevavot, that you know what your mission is based on your talents and your abilities.
There are different types of tests that you can take to learn about your personalities, strengths and weaknesses. Based on them, you can decide where you need to go. Not necessarily is your family business what you’re supposed to be doing. Your father may be a great salesman but you might be a good contractor.
Have a wonderful day.