Welcome to Emotional Wellness Daily Project of SIMHA, the Sephardic Initiative for Mental Health Awareness.
We are continuing with what we call cognitive distortions. We're up to number seven on the list of Dr. Greenwald, which is the mistaken thought that, “Events and issues that occurred in a person's past force and cause the way he acts in the present, to the point where he cannot change it.”
This is the mistaken thinking that I'm basically predetermined by my past- a traumatic past (as I’ll call it) that can't be changed.
It’s thinking that whatever happened to me as a child cannot be changed. That's a mistake, he says. Of course, one's past influences the present for every person. But he says it's forbidden to think that this is an excuse, that he can’t change himself. It might be hard, it might be difficult, but he says, this is included in what it says in Masechet Shabbat, En Mazal L’Yisrael/There is no Mazal for Yisrael.
It's interesting that he applies this to Jewish people, meaning Jewish people have no mazal, and it says the term mazal includes all of the tools that a person might have for success in life- his body, his soul, his talents, his surroundings and his world. They are all given to him in order to fulfill his mission in life.
En Mazal L’Yisrael means these things do not determine what is going to be. We can change it. Even if a person had difficulties in his childhood due to his family or his upbringing, and it's difficult for him to work on his character traits and his emotional wellbeing or use them the way other people would, a person should never say, I can't change. He quotes from Rav Yisrael Salanter, in Or Yisrael (letter 30), where he says, “A person should not say what God has done can't be changed, and God put inside of me certain natures, and there's no way for me to change it.” That’s wrong. He says a person’s nature can be controlled and channeled. Just like we see in the animal kingdom, that human beings are able to train animals- with the proper technique, we can domesticate a lion. And if an animal can be controlled by a human being, surely the human being can control himself, and change himself, through teaching, training, and conditioning. It’s possible to change.
Based on this mashal, the Elder of Kelm’s son-in-law was once asked, “How would you describe your father-in-law?”
He said, “He's like a lion trainer sitting in the cage with a lion. He never takes his eye off the beast.” He was always training himself and conditioning himself.
Sometimes you have wild broncos that are much harder to train, but with the proper wisdom, coaching and guarding, they can be changed.
And he says God does not come with complaints against His creations or set them up for failure.
Of course, we have to appreciate our past, and learn from our past, but we should not just to look at and groan from our past. We should use the abilities that God gave us to grow and develop from them. He says that a person would not have reached these levels without that previous challenge and difficulty.
He ends with a very upbeat lesson, which is that experience has shown that people that have had difficulties and worked on themselves and overcame them are in a better place than people that never went through those situations. He brings an interesting proof, from the Gemara in Berachot 34B, which we all know: that a Baal teshuva is on a higher level than a sadik. We always understand this as somebody who's a Baal teshuva, somebody that sinned is greater than a sadik that never sinned. But Dr. Greenwald is applying this to emotional wellness. It's almost like saying, and I'll say it, Somebody that has gone to a therapist and worked on his issues is even more emotionally healthy than someone that never went to a therapist at all. That’s a pitch for therapy. Therapy is a great thing. If a person needs therapy, go for therapy. It’s a big stigma that we have to break.
There's nothing wrong with going into therapy. Healthy people go to therapy.
It’s always a good time to advertise SIMHA, so if you or one of your loved ones is in need of therapy, reach out to the Sephardic Initiative for Mental Health Awareness in 9298415160 for a confidential consultation and assessment.
Have a great day.