Parashat Hayeh-Sara tells the famous story of Eliezer, Abraham's trusted servant, whom Abraham sent to find a suitable match for Abraham's son, Yishak. Upon arriving at the well outside Abraham's hometown, Aram Naharayim, from where Abraham instructed him to find the match, Eliezer prayed to G-d, begging for His assistance. He said that he would ask a girl at the well for some water, and he asked Hashem to arrange that the girl who not only agreed to give him water, but also offered to give water to his camels, should be the girl destined to marry Yishak.

Sure enough, Eliezer saw Ribka – the daughter of Yishak's cousin, Betuel – at the well, and, not knowing who she was, he approached her and asked for water. She agreed, gave him water from her pitcher, and then said that she would draw water from the well for his camels. Ribka then proceeded to repeatedly draw water and pour it into the trough for all ten of Eliezer's camels.

Surprisingly, the Torah tells that as Ribka was doing all this, Eliezer watched carefully, wondering "if G-d had made his mission successful or not" (24:21). It seems that even at this point, after Ribka offered to draw water for his camels, he was still not convinced. He needed to observe her throughout this process to determine whether or not she was indeed the right girl to marry Abraham's son.

We must ask, what else did Ribka need to prove? Eliezer explicitly said that the suitable girl would be the one who responded to his request for water by offering to draw water for his camels. Why did he still need to wait while Ribka proceeded to draw the water before concluding that she was the one chosen by G-d to marry Yishak?

Rav Leib Mintzberg (Jerusalem, 1943-2018), in his Ben Melech, explains that the quality of one's Hesed is not assessed merely by the practical results, by the tangible benefits that he provides. It is measured also by the way it is performed, by whether one helps his fellow graciously, warmly, with a smile, in a manner that makes the recipient feel comfortable and respected.

We've all had different kinds of experiences when asking for a favor. Sometimes the person grants our request, but does so coldly, almost begrudgingly, giving us the feeling that he or she would have preferred not to have been bothered. And then there are times when the person does the favor happily, with a warm smile, asking if there's anything else we need, making us feel comfortable and at ease. This is a critically important component of Hesed.

Indeed, the Gemara teaches in Masechet Baba Batra (9b) that one who gives money to somebody in need is rewarded with six blessings, whereas one who speaks words of comfort to that individual, lifting his spirits and giving him encouragement, receives eleven blessings – because making a person feel comfortable and at ease is a crucial aspect of kindness.

This, Rav Mintzberg writes, is what Eliezer was watching for. Ribka already said that she would draw water for the camels – but Eliezer wanted to see if she would do it warmly and happily, which she of course did.

Rav Mintzberg explains on this basis why, afterward, Eliezer gave Ribka as a gift two bracelets and a nose ring, adorning her hands and her face. This symbolizes the fact that she excelled in both aspects of Hesed – the action, and the demeanor. She exerted physical effort to draw a large amount of water for Eliezer's camels, but she also helped him with her face, by wearing a warm smile, by showing her eagerness to help.

And these two elements – the act of Hesed, coupled with her warmth and graciousness – are what made Ribka worthy of marrying Yishak and becoming a matriarch of Hashem's treasured nation.

More lectures from Rabbi Eli Mansour

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Parashat Haye Sarah- Hesed With the Hands & Face

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Etz Hayim #118