The Torah commands in Parashat Re’eh (Debarim 14:1), “Lo Titgodedu,” forbidding making gashes in one’s skin, which the ancient pagans would do as an expression of grief upon the death of a loved one. This verse forbids following this practice; we are prohibited from performing acts of self-mutilation to mimic the custom of the ancient pagan, or as an expression of mourning.

The Sefer Ha’hinuch presents two explanations for this command. First, he writes, it is meant to distance us from idol worship; the Torah forbids us from doing anything which bears resemblance to pagan practices as part of the effort to keep us away from idolatrous influences. Additionally, the Sefer Ha’hinuch writes, it is unfitting for Am Yisrael, G-d’s treasured nation, to act in such a foolish way, excessively grieving over personal loss. We must remember that everything that happens is caused by Hashem, and we are thus forbidden to express anguish beyond the limits set by the Torah. If a person mutilates his body in response to a loved one’s death, this displays a lack of faith in Hashem. Indeed, the Ramban, as the Sefer Ha’hinuch cites, points to this command as the source for the Talmud’s statement that it is forbidden to excessively mourn the death of a loved one. Halacha acknowledges the human need to mourn, and even commands a person to mourn a family member’s death, but it is forbidden to extend beyond that which the Torah prescribes.

A person who gashes his skin is liable for each gash he makes; if he is warned before each gash, then he receives a separate set of Malkut for each act of self-mutilation. Interestingly enough, a person who gashes his skin once as an expression of mourning for five people who passed away is liable to five sets of Malkut. Although he committed only one forbidden act, nevertheless, since this act was performed to express grief over five deaths, the violator is guilty of five separate violations, and is thus liable to five sets of Malkut. This prohibition marks an exceptional situation where a person can be liable to multiple punishments for a single act.

The Rabbis also taught an additional understanding of the command of “Lo Titgodedu.” As the Rambam discusses in Hilchot Aboda Zara (12:14), this verse commands, “Lo Ta’asu Agudot Agudot” – that we may not create different groups. If two courts are situated in the same city, they may not reach different views, as this will create strife and conflict. The Sefer Ha’hinuch qualifies this rule, clarifying that two equally competent courts in the same city may hold different opinions, and it is only within a single institution that Halacha requires groups that disagree to reconcile their differences and reach a unanimous decision in order to avoid quarreling and unrest.

The prohibition of “Lo Titgodedu” applies in all times and places, and is binding upon both men and women. One who mutilated his or her body to imitate pagan practice, or as an expression of mourning, is in violation of this command, and, as discussed, is liable to Malkut.

In this same verse, the Torah adds a related command – “Ve’lo Tasimu Korha Ben Enechem La’met,” forbidding pulling out one’s hair, as this, too, was a pagan expression of grief and mourning. If one pulls out his hair to mimic pagan ritual, or to express grief, he violates this command.

As in regard to violations of “Lo Titgodedu,” one can be liable to five sets of Malkut through a single act, if he removes his hair in mourning for five different deaths. Likewise, if a person removed hair five times over a single death, then if he received a warning before each act, he is liable to five sets of Malkut.

One violates this command by removing his hair with his hand, or even with a depilatory. The Sefer Ha’hinuch writes that if a person dips five fingers into a depilatory, and then places his hand on his head, causing the removal of hair in five places on his head, he is liable to five sets of Malkut. Even though he performed just a single action, Halacha in this case considers the violator guilty of five separate violations, for each of which he is liable to punishment.

As discussed in the context of “Lo Titgodedu,” the Torah forbids grieving excessively over personal loss, as we are to temper our pain and anguish with Emuna, firmly believing that everything that happens is Hashem’s will, and He is always caring for us and doing what is ultimately best for us, even when we cannot understand how.

More lectures from Rabbi Eli Mansour

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Misvot #467-468: Not to Self-Mutilate or Remove Hair in Response to a Loved One’s Passing

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Pirke Avot / Deal / May 15, 2023

077 Solitude - התבודדות