Good morning, members, boys and girls of the yeshiva. It’s that time of the week: Friday. Shabbat is on the way. We have a few minutes to spend pondering the parashat haShavua (the weekly Torah portion). I’m happy that we have a sold-out crowd this morning. I’m glad that everybody found their way down to the Sicha (talk). I’m sure the lesson I share today will benefit you for the rest of your lives.
It’s a great parashat (Torah portion). It’s not a long parashat by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s filled with blessings. Yaakov, before he leaves the world, calls in his children for unique, special blessings. He also gives his grandchildren, Ephraim and Menashe, a unique blessing. I came this morning to explain to you the blessing Yaakov Avinu (our father) gave, not to his children, but to his grandchildren.
I’m sure you have the same custom that I have in my home on Friday nights. When I was young, my father would come to all the children. We would kiss his hand, say, “Shabbat Shalom,” and he would put his right hand on our heads and say, “God should make you like the children, Ephraim and Menashe.” It’s a traditional blessing. Parents give their children that blessing on all momentous occasions. Even at a Brit Milah (covenant of circumcision), there’s an old custom that after the child is circumcised, the father puts his hand on the head of the eight-day-old boy and says, “Yesimcha Elohim ke’Efraim vechi Menashe (God should make you like the children, Ephraim and Menashe).”
Now, we have so many tzadikim (righteous people) in our religion. We have so many notables, so many righteous people who have done great things. Why is the Beracha (blessing) coined after those two? Why did they become the paradigm example? When a father wants to bless his children, he uses only two as the example: “You should be like Ephraim and Menashe.” And actually, that was Yaakov’s blessing. He said that when a father comes to bless his children, they’re going to use you as the example. And I’m asking: What makes them special? Actually, they’re not only special, but exceptional. They’re an exception to the rule.
You see, boys and girls, Ephraim and Menashe are not the first brothers talked about in Tanakh. Anybody know the first set of brothers talked about? Very good, Kayin and Hevel. Kayin was the older; Hevel was the younger. Hevel’s korban (offering) was accepted. Kayin became filled with envy and jealousy. He became jealous that his younger brother had an advantage that he didn’t have. In the first situation where we’re introduced to brothers, we see jealousy. Jealousy. Or, as we would say, “It’s not fair.” And what did Kayin do? He killed Hevel. I will not bless my children, “You should be like Kayin and Hevel,” because someone’s going to end up in jail.
Well, let’s move on. The next set of brothers. Very good. Yitzhak and Yishmael. Yishmael is the oldest; Yitzhak is younger. And Yishmael sees that Yitzhak is getting all the attention from his father and mother, and he’s not happy. And you know what the Pesukim (verses) tell us Yishmael tried to do to Yitzhak? When they were young, Yishmael said to Yitzhak, “I want to play a game. Do you know how to shoot arrows?” Yitzhak said, “Oh, no. Could you teach me?” Yishmael said, “Yeah, you go stand over there.” Then Yishmael took his arrows, using Yitzhak as the target. And Sarah saw this and said, “Look at this guy! Yishmael is so jealous of Yitzhak; he’s using him as the bullseye.” He tried to kill him. I will never bless my children, “You should be like Yishmael and Yitzhak.” That was a brotherhood that didn’t work.
Next. Very good. It seems sisters always get along. It’s the brothers. But anyway, Yaakov and Esav. Now we all know how that worked out. Esav is the older. And who’s getting all the advantage? Yaakov. I mean, he’s not getting them for nothing. He earned them, just like Hevel earned his keep, and just like Yitzhak earned his keep as well. Nobody’s getting nothing for nothing. Anyway, Yaakov gets the blessings, and Esav is furious. “It’s not fair. Why is he getting the blessings of Olam Hazeh (this world) and Olam Haba (the World to Come)? I want it. I deserve it. I should have it.” Not that he lives a life that makes him deserving, but he just wants it for free. And therefore, what is his intention toward Yaakov? To kill him.
And by the way, when they met, it says they hugged and kissed. Actually, the Hebrew word for kissing is Vayishakehu. But if you looked at that word in the Torah, I don’t know if you paid attention. Your boys are unbelievable. Boys have it today. Vayishakehu. There are dots on the word. Those dots tell you that you must take the word out of its natural context. It was a kiss. But you know what type of kiss it was? The kiss of death. He tried to bite his neck off. Some brotherhood. I will never bless my children, “You should be like Esav and Yaakov.” It didn’t work out.
So you see a pattern here? Anytime you see brothers, you see acrimony, strife, tension, jealousy, and envy. One more set of brothers. You’re unbelievable. Yosef and the brothers. And here, you can’t even blame it. Esav’s a goy (non-Jew). All right, what does he know? And Yishmael’s an Arab. What does he know? And you could blame it on Kayin and Hevel. They weren’t even Jewish because it was before the... But now it’s Yosef and the brothers. These old Jewish tribes. And what does he know? What does the Pasuk (verse) say? Yaakov gives Yosef nice robes, a striped robe, and the brothers couldn’t see straight. The Pasuk says the brothers were jealous of him. They hated him. Why? Where are the older brothers? He’s the younger brother, and he’s getting a better Hanukkah gift than we did. He’s got a better advantage. They gave him a better perk than we got. We got one, but it’s not like his. He’s got the stripes. So they started to get jealous.
And what was their intention toward their brother? Kill him. They left him in a pit with snakes and scorpions, which could not be so much fun. And when they finally took him out, it wasn’t as if they did anything much better. They sold him to Egypt as a slave, thinking that they’d never hear from him again.
So what’s the common denominator between all the brothers until that point? They didn’t get along, until the exception to the rule. Let’s fast-forward to Ephraim and Menashe. Who’s the older one? Menashe. Who’s the younger one? Well, that’s a process of elimination. You’re not so smart. Menashe is the older one. Ephraim is the younger one. And now they come to get the blessing from their grandfather, like Hazak and Baruch. They come to get the blessings.
Now, logically, you’re always supposed to give the older one the blessing with the right hand, because the right hand is the strong hand. And the younger one, no disrespect, gets the left hand. So Yosef positions the children in front of Yaakov to make it easy for him, so he just has to stick his hands out. The right hand will go on the older one, and the left hand will go on the younger one. And what does Yaakov Avinu do? Sikel et yadav. We call that crisscross. He crisscrossed. And now the right hand, the primary hand, goes on the head of Ephraim, and the weaker hand goes on the head of Menashe.
And now you know we’re following a pattern. We saw what happened with Kayin and Hevel. We saw what happened with Yishmael and Yitzhak. We saw what happened with Yaakov and Esav. We saw what happened with the brothers and Yosef. So you know what the next person should say? Menashe takes out his gun and says, “It’s not fair. I’m the older one. What’s going on over here? How come he gets the advantages? I’m going to take care of this once and for all.” And we should start to hear what we say: “Déjà vu all over again,” a repeat of the same story. And guess what? Surprise to all: you hear nothing. All you hear is Menashe saying to his grandfather, “Thank you, grandfather. Amen (so be it).” Ephraim says the same thing. And all of a sudden, you see two brothers walk away without jealousy, without envy, without acrimony, without hatred, without tension, with peace and love. They accept their share, and they live happily ever after. Ephraim and Menashe are the first two brothers who don’t get equal results.
Learn the lesson, kids: in life, it’s not equal. You’re never going to be able to get exactly what your siblings get. I’m a parent, and as much as we try to make sure that everybody gets, my job as a parent is to give every child what they need. If my child needs a pair of shoes, I’m going to buy a pair of shoes. Now the other kid will say, “Why did you buy him?” “Because he needed it.” Just because you’re going to buy one pair of shoes, do I have to buy ten pair of shoes for the whole house? When you need something, I’ll buy it. But even then, as parents, it’s impossible to keep things exactly the same. Somebody’s going to buy a house, and it’s going to be the corner house. And the sister’s going to get the house in the middle of the block. Whose fault is that? And now all of a sudden, it’s not fair. “They got the corner. I got the middle one.” She has a better car. He went on a better trip. This makes people crazy and preoccupied all day long.
The jealousy between siblings. And you know what? Ultimately, the answer is that Hashem is in charge. The reason she lives in that house is because that’s where Hashem wanted her to live. That’s her tikkun (rectification) from God. And the reason why you drive the car you drive, or the money that you have, or the blessings that you have—it’s all from God. Because that’s your test, and you need this to serve Hashem. And therefore, we shouldn’t be jealous. But if we needed a role model to learn not to be jealous of our siblings, who’s the best role model? Ephraim and Menashe.
And that’s why on Friday night, when we bless our children as a parent, I say, “I would be so happy. I’m going to try to give you whatever we can, as best as we can. And I’m going to try to make it where it’s as fair as we can.” But it’s never perfect. There’s always going to be a tilt. There’s always going to be somebody who has a drop more, or a little more, or a little less. It’s the way it is because that’s the way Hashem runs the world. So I bless my children: “Promise me. You’ll be like Ephraim and Menashe.” Even though you might feel short-changed, or you might feel gypped, or you might feel that you were a little taken advantage of—of course, unintentionally—I don’t want your reaction to be like Kayin and Hevel, or Esav and Yaakov. Let your reaction be peace and harmony, like Ephraim and Menashe. And that’s the biggest blessing we could give to anybody: that you shouldn’t let stuff, things, physical things that you have in life cause your life to be ruined because you’ll be angry and you have animosity, and your whole life is spent complaining with a chip on your shoulder. Then you’re taken over by jealousy and envy, which is probably more harmful than any drug in the world. It’ll eat up a person alive. As the Gemara says, the envious person, even after he passes away, his bones decay.
It’s almost as if jealousy and envy are a poison. And I’ll conclude, I’ll conclude with a story that I love to tell to show you that once you start involving yourself in envy and jealousy, it doesn’t end. There’s no end. There were two neighbors who lived next to each other. One guy was very rich, and he decided to get a limousine. He went to the dealership and got the biggest limousine possible. His friend looked out the window and said, “What? This guy has a limousine? I’m just as rich.” His eyes were filled with envy. His wife said, “Yeah, you can show him. Get the same one.” “I’m going to get the same one.” He went to the dealership and told the guy, “I want the same exact limousine.” “It’s very expensive.” “I didn’t ask you how much it costs. I want the same one.” Sure enough, he got it.
The next day, they pull up at the red light together. He honks the horn and says, “Joe, you see, I got the same car.” Joe asks him, “Do you have a kitchen in your car?” “Kitchen?” And Joe drives away. Now he’s burning. Joe has a kitchen in his car. “I’ve never heard of that.” He goes back to the dealership. “I want you to put a kitchen in.” “Are you crazy? You have a kitchen? You’re just coming from your kitchen. Why do you need a kitchen in your car?” “Don’t ask questions. My friend has it, and it bothers me. Why should he have it and I don’t have it? Put a kitchen in. A dishwasher, a stove, a refrigerator, a countertop.” Crazy guy.
The next day, they come to the red light. He honks the horn. “Joe, I got the kitchen.” Joe says, “Do you have a gym?” and pulls away. “Gym? Gymnasium, fitness room, in a car?” He goes to the dealership. “I want a gymnasium.” “Are you crazy?” “Yeah, I want a StairMaster. I want a treadmill. I want weights. I want a track.” “A track? How do you have a track in a car? You need a variance.” “What are you talking about?” “Don’t ask questions. It’s going to cost you a million dollars.” “Money is no object. I want to be like him.” Jealousy. It never ends.
In Arabic, they say, “There’s no end.” Now he comes to the red light. He’s got his kitchen. Now he has his fitness room. He honks the horn. No response. He honks the horn again. No response. What’s going on over here? He gets out of the car and knocks on the window. “Joe, Joe.” The guy opens the window two inches. He says, “What do you want?” “I wanted to tell you that I got a gym.” Joe says, “For that, you called me out of the shower? For that, you called me out of the shower?” There’s no end.
And therefore, the lesson is: learn from the two brothers who figured it out. Sometimes the younger one will get more than the older one, and it’s okay. And I’d like to give you my blessing now, as the Rav of the Yeshiva: “Yesimchem Elohim ke’Efraim vechi Menashe (May God make you like Ephraim and Menashe), Amen ve’amen (amen and amen).”