Do they care about middot (character traits)? What do you mean—which society? A country, religious people, rich people, poor people? Any society you want: which society cares about middot? You know when you talk about middot, being a good person? Having middot. Singapore? No, I disagree with you. Japan, more or less? Even Japan, I disagree with you. There’s a reason why. What I mean is, you care about what we call tikkun hamiddot, to try to refine your middot. It’s an enormous aspect of our life in religion. There’s no mitzvah (commandment) of middot. You don’t get a mitzvah for that. But it’s everything. We talk about tikkun hamiddot, to try to refine your middot, to be a more refined gentleman. And what is that? You could say anavah (humility), or certain middot. But one of the biggest praises you could give someone is, “This person is ba'al middot (a person with good character),” a ba'al middot. He has good middot.
What society—I don’t know all societies, but to your knowledge, maybe you know certain societies I don’t know, and I know certain societies you don’t know—what society, mentality, place, or religion praises tikkun hamiddot for its own sake? Just to be a better person? Where? You tell me. Japanese people? No. The reason they do all this is that they have a functioning country, so they don’t have to deal with what this country has to deal with. Venezuela, no? Maybe not in general, but individually, in a family. The Mormons? You look for good middot when you look for a son-in-law or daughter-in-law, or somebody to become part of your family, or a wife. Maybe that’s the most important thing you look for in a person. Of course. But there’s also an interest when you talk about this. The reason you date your wife and look for somebody who has good middot is that she doesn’t make you cuckoo. Not necessarily, because I want to have—Yes. You want to have peace of mind. And I have to have good children too, going in the same derech (path) I want them to go, with good chinuch (education). In relationships, you may have an interest in that. I’m talking even about bein adam le'atzmo (between a person and himself). If you’re in the forest and you learn a book of mussar (ethical teachings) that talks about tikkun hamiddot, and it won’t change anything for anybody else, we would praise that. We would tell a person, “I don’t care whether you’re alone or not; you have to work on your middot.”
For what purpose? You might say, “For a good society to function, you work on middot, not for the middot themselves but for the result.” In a company, they might tell you, “Speak humbly to the client.” Why? “That way, they see that these are moral people, and they’ll want to do business with us.” There’s always a reason. But where is there a society that praises tikkun hamiddot just to be a good person, with no other mindset or reason than to be a ba'al middot? I don’t know if it exists in the world. Yeah, but really I think we're the only ones. The Mormons? Mormons are ba'al middot because they want to be ba'al middot? Yeah, I think so, no? Because they want to have a lot of wives and—The Mormons, of course. I don’t know the Mormons well enough. If that’s what they are, then they’re very nice people.
Ah, ben, I think there’s something very incredible about that. You hear what my a simple point of reflect. Sometimes we don’t think about things because they’re simple for us, but then you start thinking: who in the world, stam (just), has to have refined character? For what? The first question is, “What’s the point?” So then there’s no other country, really. It’s not even countries: if you asked people in the street, “Do you think you have a refined character?” they’d think you were crazy. “What are you talking about, refined? I’m a nice guy. I’m a chilled dude.” If you want to have a refined character, you have friends who are chilled with you, and that’s it. But being a ba'al middot just for its own sake is a big point of pride for us.
Are we supposed to be metaken (rectify) something? Hilchot Teshuvah (Laws of Repentance). What tikunim (rectifications)? What did you start with shtuyot (nonsense) now? We have middot; this is a middot class. We just talked about middot for like 15 minutes. You came down to Earth; you have something to metaken, yes or no? Al pi halachah (according to Jewish law) or al pi Kabbalah (Jewish mysticism)? No, al pi normal life, there’s nothing of that stuff. You have to do mitzvot and keep quiet. You’re becoming very spiritual now. What’s your point? Why would you do this? Is somebody bored and thinking, “I want you not to be angry”? Why would I be bored? It's a good, something I'm serious, learn mussar.
You don’t do that for a purpose. You do that because Hashem commanded you to be a good person, and that should be enough. That’s why I don’t like when you start with this tikun story. I thought that was maybe the reason. No, we don’t want a reason. Ka'asher tzivah Hashem (As Hashem commanded); that’s enough for me.
You know who says that? The Rivash. That we don’t need a reason? Of course! He says. So why do we give reasons? Whenever It's a problem. They were always giving reasons? What’s the Hebrew word for a reason? Teshuvah (repentance)? That’s an answer. Ta'am. What’s the real translation of ta'am? Flavor. Taste. It’s stam lifgam (just detriment), anyway. When do you need flavor? When you find it not tasty. Really? So they criticized the Chinuch, for example, for giving reasons to the mitzvot. What do you have to give reasons for? Ta'amei hamitzvot (reasons for the commandments). Who needs ta'amei hamitzvot? Well, he was writing to his son; his son needed ta'amei hamitzvot. It’s never lechatchilah (ideally). The real reason? Oseh emet mipnei shehu emet (One does truth because it is truth).
I honestly asked that question, and I was confused when I asked it. I was saying, “This is giving a reason—no, this is giving a source.” So what’s an example of someone asking for a reason for a mitzvah? Sefer HaChinuch (Book of Education). The whole Sefer HaChinuch gives 613 ta'amei hamitzvot. Mishorshei hamitzvah (from the roots of the commandment). Practical reasons why we do every mitzvah. Why do you do this? Why do you do that? Why lulav ve'etrog (palm branch and citron), why this, why that? And it’s very controversial because we’re not supposed to do that. I’m telling you, in your life, you’re mature enough not to need a reason to do things. “I’m mature enough not to need a reason?” I’m serious.
We don't believe in that stuff. We believe each one is responsible for his package. He said you bring tikunim for him! He sins, you pay? No, it doesn’t work. It’s like asking who’s paying the credit card. There's levels in things. Do things because Hashem said, that's enough! I work out. Now, it’s not a tikun for the—it’s tikkun hamiddot. You do tikun for the middot. What do you think I said? Break. You know how there’s a synonym for that called shevirat hamiddot, to break the middah (character trait)? And halevai (if only), in the words of the Gaon miVilna (Vilna Gaon), that we do one. In your whole life. The whole life.
So what does it mean to break a middah? You see people go through rehab, calm down, do anger management, and they’re like—That means 100%. That means breaking the middot. That means you have to learn how to be chilled. When I was a kid, I was very nervous, always very quick. Then one day I started laughing. I said, “It’s not a good life. I’m going to start changing.” Like 10 years old or 25 years old? No, 15, 16. I said, “Let me take life easier. Instead of getting angry, I’m going to start laughing.” I learned a lot from that experience, until today, Baruch Hashem. I used to be a nervous wreck, and I became more chilled.
I don’t know if anybody could say he broke or mastered the middah. You don’t get nervous anymore? Not angry. No, angry and nervous are two different Angry, angry. To get me really angry, good luck. I’m a passionate person, but angry? It happens, but not a lot. Very little. Maybe. Remind me. Were you there? One thing I am is honest, so tell me if it's true, I'll tell you yes. What is it? I don't mind. When it happened about the synagogue. When? What synagogue? Which synagogue? Which synagogue? What was the synagogue? I forget also everything. When he stole the building, he's talking about. Oh, when he stole the building? Rabbi was kicking chairs. I was not, and I'm never. I was not angry. Actually I was very pacifist. I think you were laughing. I think you were laughing. I was laughing all along because I said, “Hashem, whatever You want, I was in the car, my father it will do.” I gave up. We all decided, “You know what? We’re not here to fight.” Then one guy came and said, “I’m financing this lawsuit.” Ah, I was almost like, “No, I don’t want this!” But, you know.
Who's the guy who did the whole who financed the lawsuit? Let's find him. He's a millionaire. The rabbi won't tell you. Anyway, he doesn't fly commercial anymore. So Oh! He fly private? He's walking. Lo tachmod (Do not covet). When you're going to have in Yom Kippur you do chamadti mamon acherim (I coveted others' money), you're going to think about me. Zeh lo mamon acherim, zeh mamon chaverim (This isn't others' money; this is friends' money). Exactly. Mamon (money) of the chaverim (friends) of the rabbi.
Perek bet, halachah zayin (chapter 2, law 7). Yom HaKippurim (Day of Atonement), hu zeman teshuvah lechol yachid u'lerabbim (A time of repentance for every individual and the community). It’s a time for teshuvah for private people and for rabbim (the many). Vehu ketz mechilah u'selichah le-Yisrael (And it is the end of forgiveness and pardon for Israel). It’s the pinnacle of forgiveness for Klal Yisrael (the Jewish people). How do you say it? Pinaculo, in Spanish. Pinnacle means the highest. Zeman teshuvah lechol yachid u'lerabbim, vehu ketz mechilah u'selichah le-Yisrael. Lefichach, chayavim hakkol la'asot teshuvah (Therefore, everyone is obligated to repent), u'lehitvadot be-Yom HaKippurim (and to confess on Yom Kippur).
True to the Rambam's shitah (Rambam’s approach), there’s no way you could say viduy (confession) if you didn’t do teshuvah first. Therefore, it tells you, there’s a mitzvah: ve'hitvadu et chatatam (They shall confess their sin). The Kohen Gadol (High Priest) and everybody on Yom Kippur say viduy, as we’re going to do during the Yom Kippur Mussaf (additional prayer): sheyavo aleinu leshalom (May it come upon us in peace). Amen. During the Mussaf we’re going to say ve'hakohanim veha'am (and the priests and the people), and he says this viduy, and he says that viduy, and he says this thing, and he says that thing: vechach hayu omerim, achat, achat u'shetayim (And thus they would say: one, one and two). And so on.
So what do we do with that? The point is that they had to have done teshuvah first, according to the Rambam. Not according to Rabbeinu Yonah, but according to the Rambam, they had to have done teshuvah first. What kind of teshuvah do you have to do on Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement)? Some teshuvah? Cheshbon nefesh (self-examination), or...? No, some teshuvah. You have to make some decisions. What are you going to decide this year? We have to think. “I’m going to come on time to shul.” The other question we have to ask ourselves about these decisions is, “I’m going to put more kavanah (intention) in the tefillah (prayer).” The hardest. This doesn’t work. It’s very hard. You have to say at least the first six berachot (blessings). Or the first one. Start with one, and then move on.
You have to have one in mind. If you say, “I’m going to stop saying lashon hara (harmful speech) ever,” it’s not going to work. If you say, “I’m always going to have kavanah in tefillah,” or, “I’m going to try to have more kavanah in tefillah,” it’s not going to work. What you have to think about is backwards: what worked and what didn’t? We’re old enough that we can look back over the last 10 years. Each one of you had something you thought about improving last year. What did you try to improve, and did it work? I had kavanah in the tefillah. It's too hard, it's crazy. I'm asking you a question, did it work? Each one makes their own questions and their own answers. I don’t care what you did. If it didn’t work, that means the system wasn’t good. “Yes, but the kavanah itself had value.” Either the decision was bad, or you were a bad boy; both could be true. But at least it had value.
These things are too loose. There’s got to be a way to do it. Did you have a technique? Let’s take you as an example. Did you have a technique? Did you come up with a plan, or was it a general, loose idea? It’s like somebody whose business isn’t doing too well saying, “This year, my business is going to do very well, b'ezrat Hashem. I’m going to try my best.” Forget about Yom Kippur; just in general. In December, he says, “Okay.” Then his friend says, “Great, I’m so happy to hear. What do you think you’re going to change? What improvements are you going to make? Are you going to improve your advertising? Or improve the tefillot for it to happen? What are you going to do?” It’s too general, too loose. You’ve got to have a plan.
But he's talking about a business. We always say Yeah, yeah, a business. So in the business, what are you going to do? A goy (non-Jew) tells you, “I’m going to work better this year.” Okay, how are you going to do that? Somebody says, “I’m going to lose weight this year.” Okay, that’s your goal. What are you thinking of doing? “I’m going to do better. In general, my lifestyle is going to be healthier.” It doesn’t work. If he tells you, “I’m going to do a half-hour workout every day,” okay, what time? What are you going to do? “Maybe I’ll vary it. Wednesday night, instead of semichah (rabbinic ordination), I’m going to do pickleball.” Okay, great. What else are you going to do? That’s not enough, because if you’re going to do that, stay in semichah and do Tuesday night and Thursday night. You understand? My point is, if we take it seriously like we take a business seriously, then we’re going to have results. If we don’t, then we don’t.
It’s too loose to come and say, “Okay, I’ll have more kavanah this year.” How is that going to work? “But spiritual kavanah—it’s not a food store.” Even then, how? I would say even more. You know how you’re going to do that? “Let me learn about tefillah. Maybe every day I can learn five minutes about tefillah.” Or, “I need to have”—he’s gonna take my Amidah (standing prayer), instead of two minutes, I’m gonna take four minutes. Or, “I’m going to come five minutes before tefillah, early, so I have time to think about...” There are many ways, but you have to come up with a plan. If you don’t come up with a plan, it’s the same as saying, “I’m going to make more money this year.” Really? How are you going to do that?
That’s what I felt. Practically, yes. If it’s not serious, then it means we’re not serious. We have the wish, we have the desire, but we don’t have the plan. That’s the problem. Yeah, but it sounds the same. I agree with you, but it’s like somebody says, “This year, I’m going to be a millionaire.” How are you going to do that? It’s laughable. Imagine we come together with these plans. It’s a laughable thing. It’s not right; it’s laughable. It’s a very good point. You need a plan. Are we going to think more about the plan? More than that, of course, because if not, it doesn’t show seriousness to Hashem either. Have a plan. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of things, you know, that we need to think about, but