I've had the opportunity in the last few years to speak to many different groups that have challenges in the Jewish world, whether widows, divorcees, couples without children, couples with children with extreme special needs, girls who are waiting much longer than they expected to be married, or people with medical issues. And I'll tell you what a lot of them have said. In fact, recently someone said this to me. I think their story is that they've been married without kids for a long time.
They said, “You know what's hurtful, Rabbi?” I said, “What?” “It's like when my friends get together and they don't invite me.” I said, “Why do you think that is? Do you think it's because they don't like you?” He said, “No, no, I don't think they don't like me. I know they still like me. I didn't do anything wrong. They like me. But what it is, is they're going to get together for lunch, seven friends, and they want to talk about their babies. They want to talk about the school, the preschool. And they know that that's a little uncomfortable for me. I'm 10 years in without any children. They know it's uncomfortable for me. So they figure if they call me, it's going to be uneasy. See, it's just easier for them to not call me. They have nothing against me. They love me. They'll call me right after. But it's easier for them to not invite me.”
Which basically means that these are her friends. They're good friends. They've been friends for decades. But these friends are not comfortable being uncomfortable. They're not comfortable sitting at a table having lunch and having to be careful with what they say. They're not comfortable with our state. So therefore, you know what? I have an idea: “We just won't invite her.” Are you crazy? You really think that that's how it works? You really think that you can have a friend, consider yourself a friend, but then decide that when it's uncomfortable, I won't be so friendly today? Are you part of this nation? Part of this nation means you're ready for war. Part of this nation means that if you're a real friend, you're ready sometimes to be uncomfortable. Your friend doesn't have children. Trust me, it's much more uncomfortable for her than it is for you. She doesn't have children. The least you could do is be willing to go for lunch with her and be uncomfortable for an hour and a half. You joking? No, because we need our tidy lives. And we need to be able to sit all our ducks in a row and have our conversations and our pretty conversations about our pretty children, about our pretty lives, and we're not comfortable being uncomfortable.