Let's say you have a daughter who's 16 years old, and you could tell she's not doing well. She needs medication. Medication will make her much happier, much more mentally healthy. But now she has medication. It could be that you're going to have to tell people when she gets the shidduch (match). Are you giving her the medicine or not? Do you care about her happiness, or do you care about her marketability?
It's a hard question. Now, I'm not getting into the rules of when you have to say, if you have to say, which type of medication you have to say, and which type of medication you don't have to say. I don't know those rules. I'm not implying that. But every parent in the Jewish world who sees their child and sees that this kid is a mess, that this kid needs to be given medication, takes a month or two or three before they call, because they're like, “But then there will be medication involved, and if someone finds out, what does that do to her reputation?” That means you have a choice: her thoughts being good, her being happy, her being whole, her being strong, or her looking good.
Some people will say, “But Rabbi, you know, she has to get married, so it's a smart decision not to give her medication.” I have a little secret for you. Your goal is not for your daughter to get married. Your goal is for your daughter to stay married. So if you get her married and she needs medication and she's not on the medication, you may get her down the aisle. Give it a month. Which one would you do?
I'll give you another example. You have a choice. You've been married for 10 years. You have a choice. You could either have real Shalom Bayit (peace in the home), or you could have what looks like good Shalom Bayit. Which one would you pick? One or the other? Either you have what the world thinks is a great Shalom Bayit, but it's horrible inside, or it's good inside, but it doesn't look so good outside. Which one would you pick? I'm not sure about all three questions. I'm really not sure, because we are so preoccupied with the people sitting at the pool watching their kids on the floats...