Today's class is dedicated to the memory of a man who really captured emunah (faith) in a really strong and powerful way: Joseph Major, Yosef ben Rina Victoria, alav hashalom (peace be upon him). His wife Vicky and his daughters Raina and Raina Cohen and Raquel Habert dedicated it. We want to thank you very, very, very much. As I said, it's a tremendous honor. I think we spoke at the levaya (funeral) of your father and heard all about his life, and about your husband and his life. He really was like a Superman. Not just his love for cars, but his love for Hashem, his belief in Hashem, and his commitment to Hashem are things that I still remember and think about a few years later, and that still inspire me. Because I'm a man. Because I'm a man. His commitment was really, really steadfast and strong through disease, right up to the end. So it's an honor for today's words to be in his memory.
I want to give you a little scenario to start this class. You have a friend; she calls you up and says, "Let's get together for lunch today." You say, "No problem. First, I have to go walking. Then I'm going to have my egg whites for breakfast. Then I'm going to exercise. And then we'll get together. You'll get a Juice by Julie salad. I'll get an Uri salad. One of us will get kale. The other one will get, I don't know, a little arugula, whatever that stuff is in the salad. And that's going to be our lunch." Does this sound real? Very real. My question is: Is this mentality good? Of course, health is good. No one's going to debate that. But what about this sort of obsession that many people have begun to have with health, where they're so preoccupied with what they eat, how they eat, and how they work out? It's not just about health; it's become about looks, mentality, and mindset. It's even become somewhat vain. Is this good or not? I better say it's good, or else I'm in trouble. So we're going to try to answer that.
I really think this is a critical question because I think it's becoming a mentality in the world, but very, very much so in this community. There are many houses where the diet and the look of the refrigerator, freezer, and pantry are very different today than they were ten years ago, and it's getting even more, and there are huge businesses based on it. The question is: Is this mentality good? Not so good? Sometimes good? How do we view it?
Let's look at this week's parasha. We're finally concluding the book of Bamidbar. We have a double parasha this week, Matot and Masei. In the parasha, they do something that's not relevant today, but we have a mitzvah (commandment) involving something called the Ir Miklat. What's an Ir Miklat? If a person, God forbid, kills someone accidentally, they run to the city of refuge. There were six of these special cities of refuge, six Ir Miklat, six of them. The Pesukim (verses) also say that the 42 cities of Leviim (Levites) were used as Ir Miklat. After someone commits accidental murder, God forbid, they have to run away. They can run to one of those 42 cities or one of the six. My question is: What's special about those 42 plus six cities? What's happening there that's unique and important for a man who committed accidental murder to go there for? And then why are there two types? Why are there 42 regular Leviim cities, plus another six? We're going to answer this question all the way at the end of the class. But I want to understand and create a mentality that every single one of us should have—a mindset that every single one of us should have towards life, towards ourselves, towards people. This is my goal. My goal is not so much to focus on kale. My goal is much more to focus on how we think.
I'm going to give you a Pasuk (verse) at the beginning of the book of Shemot. This Pasuk seems like one of the quickest drive-by Pesukim. It doesn't seem that important. It doesn't even seem to tell me something. It seems to tell me something I already know. But when we understand this Pasuk, it's a mentality changer. The Pasuk says, "Vayamot Yosef, vechol echav," and all his brothers passed away. "Vechol hador hahu." And the whole generation of Yosef and his brothers, that whole generation passed away. And then the Egyptians began the bondage. Okay? You know, in the beginning of Shemot, weeks and weeks ago. And Or HaChaim HaKadosh comments on that Pasuk. He says, "Why is the Torah telling me this? I already know Yosef and all his brothers passed away. Why are you telling it to me again? And why is this significant?"
Here's what Or HaChaim HaKadosh answers. He says, "The Pasuk is teaching us this important lesson: As long as Yosef was alive, or anyone in his generation was alive, the Egyptians would never touch them. Yosef and his brothers and that generation carried themselves with a special dignity and prestige, so the Egyptians would never even dream of putting them in bondage." The commentaries explain that what Or HaChaim HaKadosh is saying is twofold. First, because they carried themselves that way, the Egyptians were afraid to touch them. But because they thought that way, and their mentality was that way, they would never accept bondage, and they would never accept suffering.
So what the rabbis are trying to teach us is this lesson: The way you think, and the way you think about yourself, is so critical to how you lead your life. We think, "Oh, what do I think of myself? Confidence, not confidence?" That's a different thing. That's a nice little thing. No, it's not a nice little thing. How you think about yourself makes all the difference in your life. There may be nothing more important, or almost nothing more important, than your belief in yourself. You carry yourself with dignity, with strength, and with a recognition of who you are and what kind of value you hold.
I've told you this many times. I wake up in the morning and tell myself, "Joey, you're very important. Very important. The world needs you. You better make sure you prepare well. You better make sure you spend your time well, learn well, communicate well with your wife and your children. Everything. Because you really matter." I can't tell you—I want every one of my children to think this way. Wake up in the morning and say, "You know how important I am? You know how much the world needs me? You know how much it matters? I take myself very seriously." I'm going to give you a little example. The example is a strange one, but it's a good one.
Apparently, nowadays, if you want to see people, you go to Uri's. Uri's. I have to say it to both sides. Is that true? That's what they say. There's more people there than at Sha'are Sion at a wedding. Is this true? But the salads and the fruits—our community is the only community in the world that could make buying fruit cool. Right? It's like a whole thing. Someone said the other day there was no watermelon in Uri's. It's a big deal. There was no watermelon in Uri's. Why not? They asked him, and here's why. He says, "Because we only sell the best fruit. And there are no great watermelons out anymore, so we're not selling them." When the truck finally came with good watermelons, a lot of community women were helping them unload watermelons from the truck. You missed it? This mentality of saying, "You know what? Our fruit matters, and we're not selling anything but the best," is the mindset we need to have with ourselves. We need to produce the best. I spend my time the best way possible. That's how I think.
Because the Yetzer Hara (evil inclination) really has one goal. This is how he starts. He has follow-ups, but the Yetzer Hara's first approach to you is this: You don't matter that much. You're not that big a deal. You're not so important. That's the first thing he wants from you.
Our rabbis tell us in the Mishnah in Sanhedrin that if a man was being judged not just on whether he owed money, but on whether he was Chayav Mita (liable to the death penalty), they would bring in two witnesses. His life was dependent on these two witnesses. Before the court case, the judges would talk to the witnesses and say, "Witnesses, I need you to understand this. You're now talking about somebody's life. God created the world with one person. He started the world with one person to teach you this lesson: If someone is loose with one life, it's as if they destroyed the whole world." This was the warning they would give the witnesses. Then they would tell them a famous line, a line I hope you've heard before: A person is obligated to say, "The world was created for me."
They explain what they're doing with these witnesses: They're warning and inspiring them. They're telling them, first of all, to be careful. This is a human life. You destroy this life, you're destroying the world. And then they're telling them to understand the value of life. Understand the value of your life. Your life is so important that you wouldn't mess around with it. You wouldn't say the wrong thing today. You wouldn't lie today. You wouldn't cause damage today if it wasn't right, if it wasn't okay. Understand your importance.
It doesn't say it's nice for someone to say, "The world was created for me." It doesn't say it's a good idea to say, "The world was created for me." It doesn't even say it's egotistical. It says you're obligated to say those words: "The world was created for me. The world was created for me."
So if you're obsessed with health, and your obsession is with health, it's not just—don't get me wrong—because it's healthy. It's become more than that. If your obsession with health is because it makes you more confident and vibrant, and gives you more strength, good! If you realize the point. If you realize the point is not just that I need to look great, but that my life matters, my energy matters, and my focus matters. So I need to make sure that I'm up and energetic because of all the reasons God put me on this earth. Then all that health stuff is perfect. But again, it's about the mentality. If you stop at, "I need to do this because I want to look great," you missed the boat. But if you say, "I need to do this because my life matters, and what I do matters, and therefore I need to have energy, be focused, be healthy, and be vibrant," then that's awesome. Then you realize that it's just like a doctor: No doctor would ever take lightly how you handle his tools. No baseball player would let you just fool around with his bat. No musician would let you just hang out and do whatever you want with his guitar. They know the power and importance of their tools. If you realize the power and importance of you, because you are a tool—you are a tool to serve God—then all that health stuff is beautiful.
Now I have to be honest. I have a confession to make. I shouldn't make this in a room full of women, but I am still one of those people trying to figure out if it's okay to eat white bread. I don't know if this is okay, because some people today see white bread and see poison in it. They don't even know how it's possible. But I don't know. I still like white bread. I don't know why. But I do know this: I went to a doctor once and he said, "If you drink soda at night, it's going to hurt your voice." I was done. Because you know why? My voice matters to me. I consider my voice important. So if it's important, I'm going to care about it. If you're managing yourself and your health because you care about what you're here for and how you can perform, and about the energy you have, then it's a beautiful habit. But if it just stops at, "I need to look great," you totally missed the point.
I want to give you the words of Rashi in that Mishnah, when he says, "A person is obligated to say, 'The world was created for me.'" Here's what Rashi says: "I am a complete world. I will not do anything to hurt me or do anything negative towards me, even with one sin. Because I am important." The thought process that I matter and I'm important is not ego. It's a Mishnah.
So if you think of it this way, and that's your mindset, then it's beautiful. I was talking to someone the other day who needed a diet. I said, "I want you to understand: God put you on this earth to serve Him. You have unique talents, unique strengths, and therefore you need to take care of yourself because you matter. You're going to do something important. You're serving God. This isn't about being vain or not being into yourself. It's about how you can build yourself up to serve Hashem." If you create a little more confidence, a little more energy, a little more focus, a little more vibrancy, a little more happiness, perfect. But you have to know the reason why.
So how do you do this? How do you change this mentality in your head? I think the answer is very simple. The next time someone calls you for lunch and you say, "Okay, yes, let's have a little avocado toast with some fennel on the side with some sort of juice, and nowhere near carbs," stop for a minute and ask yourself, or the other person, why you're doing this. But if the person thinks it's too teal, then just say it to yourself. Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? Why do I care so much? Why am I spending triple the amount I could have spent just getting a bagel? Why? Haram to eat a bagel. But why? Just ask yourself that one question: Why am I doing this? If you stop at, "I want to look good," you stopped at the wrong place. If you stop at simply, "I want to feel good," you also stopped at the wrong place. But if instead you say, "I want to look good and feel good because I want to do good and be great, and that's how I'm going to serve God," then perfect.
One of these people who sells one of these healthy items in the community, which cost 10 times the amount they maybe should, once called me up and said, "Rabbi, do you think it's okay that I charge this much? What do you think? What's the right answer? Is it okay? I may produce a little item, I sell it on Instagram, most people would think it's worth $3, I charge $18. Is it okay or not okay? What do you think?" My opinion is that it's 100% okay. 100% okay. No, if you don't like it, don't buy it. Go somewhere else. I'm not selling you water in the desert. I'm selling you a luxury. You either want my luxury at the price I put on it, or you don't. If I were making some item and selling it on Instagram, I might charge $25. I could do whatever I want. You don't have to buy it. Go somewhere else if you don't want it. I'm not putting a gun to your head.
But I want to tell you an incredible Midrash (rabbinic interpretation). This is the Midrash that takes place in a story you've heard before, but I don't know if you've ever heard this Midrash. It says Yosef was alone in a room with the wife of Potiphar. Potiphar's wife wanted him to commit a sin. The famous thing the rabbis say, which all of you have heard, is that he saw an image of his father in the window. But this Midrash says it a little differently. Yosef says, "You want me to commit a sin? My family—my grandfather once went as an olah (burnt offering). My grandfather was Yitzchak, who was done, did the Akedat Yitzchak (binding of Yitzchak). If I commit this act, I'll no longer be worthy to be a Korban (offering) olah." He says to her, "You want me to listen to you? My family—God comes and appears to them. If I listen to you and commit this sin, God will never appear to me." He says, "You want me to commit this sin? You want me to listen to you? You know what? My brother committed a sin. Reuven committed an act, and because of it he lost the birthright. I don't want to be like that. I want to hold on to what I now inherited, the birthright of Bechorah. I now inherited the birthright of my father's favorite son. I don't want to lose that."
What's the beauty of these three answers Yosef gave? The beauty is that in Egypt, stuck working in someone else's house, a man who never was the olah, never was the Akedah, a man to whom God had appeared only in a dream and not really much more, still had the confidence and strength to say, "If I listen to you, I'll no longer be able to be me. And I need to be me, because being me is the way I can serve God." You need to have that mentality in your head every day. Whether it's with asparagus or without asparagus, every day in your mind has to be: "I need to serve God. I was put here to serve God, and I need to do everything I can to make myself the greatest tool, the greatest servant, and perfectly ready."
So when you're sitting at that lunch and having the avocado toast, ask yourself, "Why am I doing this?" First say, "Because I want to serve God better." And then have tangible reasons why this is better. That means I'm going to have more energy for my kids when they come home tonight. I'll be able to stay awake a little longer. I hope to add to my life so that I can be here to celebrate my grandchildren's weddings. Have these thoughts in your mind: because I want to help my children raise their children, because I do chesed (kindness), and because I matter. Don't just say, "Why? Because I can serve Hashem." Then have clear reasons why you can do it better now because of this.
This mentality is so important because there's nothing the Yetzer Hara wants more than to get you not to believe me, and to get you to say, "Rabbi, you're talking about yourself and your voice because you give classes, but me, I'm just a regular person." That's what the Yetzer Hara wants you to say. It doesn't matter so much what I eat. It doesn't matter so much what I do. It doesn't really matter so much how I spend my time. I'm regular. Regular is poisonous. Regular means you don't believe that Mishnah that says the whole world was built for you. That's what it says. I didn't make it up. And it doesn't say it's a nice, cute statement. It says you need to say it. Hashem said that because when you do say it, you tell yourself in your head, "I can't get involved with that. I can't make that mistake."
In my opinion, most of the reason why we have a substance problem in our community and the world is that most of the people who take that stuff and try that stuff don't believe the statement I just said. They don't believe that the world was built for them. No one would take anything into their system if they knew that the world was built for them. They wouldn't put anything into their system that jeopardized their future, their mind, or their health. The reason they do is that they don't believe this statement.
If you care about your life, your health, and your future, and you want to live long, I want to tell you a little bit about a study. I'd never heard of this study before. It doesn't even sound real. But I'm going to bring you all the sources. You can look it up yourself. Part of what we do is want to be healthy, exercise, be fit, and live long. I'm going to tell you one of the greatest proven ways to live long. Are you ready? I'm not sketching. I don't have a game. I don't have some cute item up my sleeve. This is a real study from Social Psychological and Personality Science. Another organization called JAMA performed this study. Are you ready for this study? I'm telling you right here: I'm going to give you the item that can add 5 to 10 years to your life. To be exact, they say people who do this and have this live between 5.5 to 9.6 more years than everybody else. Again, there's no sketch here. I really mean this. The husband of someone in this room sent me this email the other day from Fox News. Here's what it is: Be religious. I'm serious. Studies found, after surveying obituaries from over 43 states in the United States of America, that religious people live on average 5 to 10 years longer than everybody else. This is the study. Women who go to a religious service at least once a week have a 33% greater chance of being alive 16 years later. Which means, in essence, coming to this class is going to extend your life more than any quinoa ever would. I'm just telling you, that's the study. I don't know what they say about whole wheat bread, fennel, kale, and that stuff. About religion: 5 to 10 years. Women who go to one religious service a week have a 33% greater chance of being alive 16 years from now. And you, after coming here, you're done for the week. That's the truth. These studies found that people who practice regular religious service, men and women, had a 55% greater chance of being alive 18 years later.
Now you can imagine why this study isn't famous, because the last thing the media wants you to know is that religion matters this much. So they actually clamored to figure out the reason. The American Council of Science and Health and time.com and timemagazine.com both came up with this conclusion: Could it be that religion makes such a difference in someone's life? Here's what they concluded. The reason is that religious people hang out with people more. They get more opportunities to interact with others and have more friends, and because of that, they live longer. The guy writing this article says, "What are you talking about? The religious people's friends didn't live as long as the religious people. So what do you say?" And he comes up with this conclusion, which I want to explain. I think it's a good thought. Maybe it's right, maybe it's wrong, but I think it's a good thought. He says he once went with a whole group of religious men. They went with a group of atheists, and together they had some meeting group, a seminar get-together for maybe a weekend. They talked and debated concepts, philosophies, ideas, and thoughts. He says, "We were so impressed by the interaction among the atheists. They really had good relationships. They were close to each other. It was great." He says, "But by the end of the weekend, we realized the difference between us and them. They are united by a common interest. We are united by a common father. And there's a big difference. They're friends with one another. We are family with one another. And the way you react to family is totally different. You go an extra mile. You sacrifice more. You're there for them more. You'll give the food off your plate for them more. You care about them more. You check in on them more. Family is not the same as friends." That's his thought about what creates that health and longevity. Maybe it's other things. Maybe it's just the fact that you have belief. Maybe it's the fact that you have purpose. Maybe it's the fact that you have meaning. Maybe it's the fact that you realize there's a reason you're alive and on this earth.
But health does matter. It doesn't just matter when you stop at saying, "I'm important," or, "I want to look great." It matters when you stop and say, "What I do and what I accomplish is a big deal." This is why we have a Pasuk in the book of Devarim. You've all heard of it: "Watch yourself." What does that mean? "Watch yourself very much." Safety is one of the 613 mitzvot. It's about watching and protecting yourself and being safe. You know why? Because who you are is an important tool in God's army. You can't just take yourself lightly. You can't just run away from the responsibility. You can't just say, "Nah, it doesn't mean me." You have to protect yourself because you really matter. And yourself doesn't just mean your hands, feet, and eyes. Yourself means your mindset, your mentality, your vibrancy, your energy, your confidence, your focus. All of that needs to be protected, because when you have that strong, you perform totally differently.
See, you know what would happen when a man accidentally committed murder? He'd run to a city of refuge. In that city of refuge, Leviim lived. They lived in the 42 and in the 6. They lived in all the 48 cities. They would start to train this person about the value of human life. The reason you accidentally committed that act is that you don't know the importance of what a human being is. You don't know the importance of that servant of God you just took off this planet. You weren't so careful when you were wielding your axe, using your saw, or driving your car. You weren't so careful, and that's why that happened. You need to know its importance. So the cities of the Leviim were just places where Leviim lived, and they would teach you when you came. There had to be another six cities, Ir Miklat, that would be known. You pass by and think, "Here's Ir Miklat. What's there?" That's the place where they teach you about human life. That's the place that should be a reminder. Every time you pass by, it should remind you how important you are and how important the person right next to you is. This is what I want for my children and for everyone else. I want them to know how important every single one of them is. It's the same idea as the class we gave two weeks ago. I want them to know that they're important, that God put them on this earth for a reason, and that their health and their future matter. For real.
Let me tell you a little story. Someone sent me this one too, and I thought it was fantastic. By the way, you have to research that study about religious people living 5 to 10 years longer. Isn't that crazy? So if you want to convince your kid, put on Tefillin (phylacteries). Just say you're going to live 10 more years. Right or wrong? Go to shul (synagogue) to live for 90. It's awesome. It's the best sales pitch I ever saw.
Let me give you this last little story that someone sent me, and that I thought was powerful. A young boy went to his father and said, "Dad, can you tell me the value of human life? The value of life?" His father said, "Here's what I want you to do." He gave him a stone and said, "Take this stone and go to the marketplace. When someone asks you to buy the stone, just lift up two fingers and don't say a word." So he did. He went running off to the marketplace. A woman comes over. He says, "Oh, I like that stone." She says, "I'd like to buy it. How much is it?" He held up two fingers. She said, "Oh, I'll give you $2 for it." He didn't say a word. He went running back home and said, "Dad, someone just offered me $2 for the stone." His father said, "Now I want you to go to the museum and do the same thing." He went running off to the museum. Someone saw the stone and said, "Wow, I'd love to buy it. That's gorgeous. I'd love to buy that. How much is it?" He held up two fingers. She said, "Wow, $200. I'd love to buy it for you for $200." The kid was shocked. He went running back home to his father and said, "Dad, you offered me $200 for it." His father said, "I know. Now go to the precious stone store and do the same thing."
He walked into the precious stone store. The owner said, "Wow, that stone is so rare. How much is it?" The boy didn't say a word. He just held up two fingers. The owner of the store said, "I'll buy it for you for $2. $200,000." The boy was shocked. He went running back home and said, "Dad, what should I do?" His father said, "Now you got the answer to your question. You want to know the value of life? It depends on who you surround yourself with. In the marketplace, you're worth $2. In the museum, $200. But when you're in the precious stone store, you're $200,000. Surround yourself with people who know your value."
So, you ladies, do everything in your power to make sure that your brain and your soul are in the precious stone store, to make sure that your brain knows your value. The friends you're around, the people you talk to, the things you do, and the things you eat. Make sure you know your value and know why it matters that you have this value. No tangible reasons. This is what I can do. When I take a break, if I stop and take a break for an hour, I don't just take a break and say, "I'm just in the mood to sit on the couch." No, I take a break and say, "You know what? If I take a break, my brain is going to relax. I'm going to be a better husband, better father, better rabbi, better teacher, better learner, better at prayer, better servant of God." Now my break is holy.
So you can turn that little salad lunch into a kadosh experience. All simply by stopping before the meal and saying, "Why am I doing this?" And once you have an answer to why that lunch is holy, that walk is holy, that exercise for an hour is holy, that breakfast is kadosh, it's because the goal is not for me to look great or to feel great. I am a great Jew when I want to do great and want to be great. Thank you.