The topic we’re going to speak about today: as I was preparing it, part of me said, “You may have spoken about this once or twice before.” Then another part of me said, “But you never spoke about it well.” Another part of me said, “I’m not even sure I’m going to do a good job today.” But I think the topic is so important, and I’m going to try and hopefully bring out the point the right way. Sometimes the words come easily. I’m not sure if today is going to be one of those days, but we’re going to try.
I kind of have a unique vantage point in this community. In working in one of the most prominent high schools in the community, I know high school-age boys and girls. In working and running an organization for post-high-school youth, college students, and beyond, we know many boys and girls in that whole age group. And, obviously, in running a shul (synagogue) and being involved in a few other shuls and making speeches, we know many men, young and old, and women the same—young, and also young, and maybe even also young, right? Women don’t get older than young. But we know people of all age groups, so we kind of have a unique vantage point to see a lot of what’s happening in this community.
And I feel like there’s something missing for a lot of people in our community. This something missing impacts many different areas of life. It’s the reason why praying isn’t so popular for young people today. It’s the same reason why so many marriages go bad, and why so many young girls complain that there are no boys. It’s why so many fathers struggle to parent, and some mothers struggle too. It’s why a lot of people have little happiness and even less purpose. It’s why foul language seems to be something that will never, ever stop for a lot of people.
I know I just touched on a whole bunch of different areas. Let’s say you went from parenting to marriage to praying to foul language to “what do you what do you saw but to getting married”—that’s a very wide scope to address, the 1k in one class. I’m not going to address them all by themselves. I’m going to address them through what I think is a central theme that a lot of us are missing. You see it when they’re young, and then you see how it plays out when they get older. You see how it plays out when they get older, when you know high school kids, college kids, young married people, and older married people. You kind of see the same challenge repeat itself again and again.
Our parasha is now parashat Yitro. We missed Bo and Beshalach because we were out of town. This is parashat Yitro. Parashat Yitro starts off with the story we like to focus on, which is the story of Yitro, Moshe Rabbeinu’s father-in-law, coming to be with the Jewish people in the desert.
The story is that Moshe’s father-in-law comes. Moshe had left his wife and his two sons behind when he left his father-in-law’s house years before, to go to the Jewish people after the burning bush. It wasn’t so many years before; it was a couple of years before. Now Yitro is coming with his daughter, Moshe’s wife, and his two grandchildren, Moshe’s two sons. He comes to join the Jewish nation.
The Pasuk (verse) talks about the names of the sons and why they got their names, and how Moshe Rabbeinu goes out to greet Yitro. The rest of the Jewish people go out with him. Then it talks about how Moshe hears about all that took place for the Jewish people, and that’s part of what got Yitro to come. He hears even more about it from Moshe. They sit down to eat and drink, and the Pasuk doesn’t even say that Moshe Rabbeinu sat to eat and drink. Rashi says, “You know why? Because Moshe Rabbeinu was helping out. He was actually serving the people.”
So here’s my question about this story. Why is this story placed right here? Why is this story about Moshe Rabbeinu’s father-in-law joining the Jewish people placed right here, before Matan Torah (the giving of the Torah)? There’s also the parasha of Matan Torah. Why is this the placement? And why do we need to know that Moshe Rabbeinu went out to greet his father-in-law? Rashi adds that everyone else followed him. Why do we need to know that, too?
Yitro then brings Korbanot (sacrifices). It’s funny, because you don’t see anybody bring sacrifices in the desert until we build the Mishkan (Tabernacle)—at least, that’s what I can think of right now. Maybe one of the Tantara. But why now, all of a sudden, is Yitro bringing sacrifices? And finally, Moshe Rabbeinu is helping out. Isn’t it funny that Moshe Rabbeinu is saying, “Pastor Rice, Pastor Kibbeh Handas”? Moshe Rabbeinu is the one who’s serving at the table. It seems unique to me.
So here’s the concept we’d like to talk about. I believe it’s life-changing. But as I say it, it’s definitely not going to sound life-changing. I really believe it is, and I don’t believe that just from my opinion. I believe it from watching and seeing and reading, and, like I said, from a lot of experience.
This concept is not really about religion, but you can’t be religious without it. The concept we’re talking about is service. Service. Living and doing and performing service. That means that I’m willing to work not because of a result, not because of a gain, not because of a kickback, not because of money, not because it will get me married, but simply to work for the service alone. I want to say, “Work to serve Hashem,” but I’m not necessarily making that the point. My point is just service. That I do. That I’m a hard worker. That I work on myself. That I work to change. That I serve other people. That I have a mentality of work—not just work to make money. There are plenty of people who work to make money. I mean just work to serve.
I’ll try to explain it a little better. I went away on vacation. I don’t usually tell you where I’m going before I go, but afterward I have nothing to hide. My kids have school; I have winter vacation, which is a perfect match. So they stay home, and my wife and I go. A week ago, we went to Dubai for a week.
Dubai is a pretty interesting place. I’ll tell you in advance: it’s a little overrated, but it’s also unbelievable. It’s unbelievable to see how fast that country is moving: the buildings, how fast they go up, how unique they are, how many of them there are, how rapidly they’re moving. The country is flowing unbelievably.
The one thing I said standing there was, “They are going to crush us.” We here in the United States of America, New York City—it’s like we’re done. They’re so much better than us and so far ahead of us, and they’re moving so much faster than us, that I think we’re slowly receding into the rearview mirror. Here’s why I think so. By the way, I wore a Kippah (skullcap) the entire time. I got more Shalom greetings in that country than going to Israel ten times over. I don’t know why everyone was saying, “Mashalom kha, Mashalom kha, Shalom.” Arabs—everyone’s trying to sell. I guess it’s in our genes, too, that everyone’s trying to sell something.
As an example, they have almost no crime and no homeless people. How do you have no homeless people? I was with the tour guide one day. I said, “Can you explain to me, how do you have no homeless people? No one wants to have homeless people. How do you have no homeless people? How does a person lose everything, have no money, have no house, and become homeless? How do you avoid having zero homeless people?”
Here’s how it works there. Ninety percent of the people who live there are not locals; they’re not from that country. If you don’t have a job within two months, they ship you back home. If you came from Afghanistan, Yugoslavia, London, and you don’t have a job, go home. You know what that does? It motivates work. People work hard.
As he’s telling me, I’m thinking: What does it cost? What is the country we have? We have homeless people. We have endless crime. What does it cost in New York City for each homeless guy? I didn’t look it up, but I’m sure it’s $7,000, $8,000, $9,000 between the police force, shelters, food, and things like that. What does it cost for each criminal who’s in jail? Maybe it costs $20,000 a year. I don’t know. For guards, food, a room, and all the other things—of course, just forget it. And yet we have a government here that’s giving us money, which is so wonderful, just dumping money in people’s accounts. Do you think that motivates work? Do you think that inspires people to have energy to do and to create and to serve? I don’t think so.
So, yeah, it’s wonderful when you hear, “Oh, you’re going to get another $1,600; you’re going to get another $1,400.” It feels great. Anyone who gets it, I’m sure, enjoys getting it. It’s a wonderful thing to see more money in your account. But it’s also poison, because it takes away the motivation. It takes away the energy. It takes away the commitment. It takes away this word: service. It takes away the idea that I need to work. I need to move. I need to do. I need to create, even without results.
I’ll give you a wonderful little example, wonderful to me. My uncle—my father’s uncle, my great-uncle—passed away on Sunday. He was 104 years old. Maurice Harari passed away from Corona. It’s wild because he made it through everything: World War I, World War II, the Depression, everything—and Corona took him. But okay. He was a wonderful man.
I was talking to his son. I had just come from the funeral in Staten Island. He came from Florida, so I had to wait three days because he couldn’t come because of the snow. Anyway, I was talking to his son, who’s my father’s first cousin. He said, “I want to tell you a story about your father.” I said, “What’s the story?” He said, “I’ll tell you. Your namesake, that’s Joe Haber, alav hashalom (peace be upon him), the man I’m named after, used to work with Edmund Safra and helped him start the bank. He helped him get his first accounts in the community.” I said, “Okay, I’ve heard that before. That’s cool.”
He said, “About 30 years ago, or 25 years ago, Edmund Safra was sitting Shiva (mourning period) in the city. Not everyone who wants to can just come in. We got an appointment for your father to go meet Edmund Safra while he was sitting Shiva, on a Sunday morning. That’s a pretty hush-hush thing, for a rabbi to get a private meeting with Edmund Safra. It could be valuable. One day, you have organizations, things like that. It’s a good person to know. Here you are, going to have a private shiva call with Edmund Safra.”
He said, “Your father didn’t go.” I said, “Why?” He said, “Because he had a class that morning, so he had to do the class. He decided to give the class instead of going to pay the shiva call.” I’m thinking to myself, “Dad, it was in Deal. It was probably a class for eight people around the table on a Sunday morning, having coffee, the parasha or something like that. Dad could have missed the class. You know what I mean? Dad’s son would have missed the class. He would have found a way to go meet Edmund Safra. It’s a good relationship to have.” But that’s an adherence to service. It’s not about the relationships and the kickbacks and the fundraising. It’s about the fact that I’m here to serve my community. It’s not about whether the job required it or didn’t require it. I’m sure no one would have cared if you missed a class one Sunday morning. But that’s the mentality I’m talking about.
I know I still haven’t explained why it’s so important, but we will. I think this is the lesson Yitro is teaching us. The Pasuk says Yitro comes out, el Moshe ... el hamidbar, comes to Moshe ... to the desert. Rashi comments, “Why are you telling us he came out to the desert? We know where the Jewish people are. They left Egypt. They’re not in Israel. Yeah, we know they’re in the desert. Why are you telling us he came out to the desert?”
Rashi’s answer is that he came out—it wants to accentuate the fact that Yitro, who was a prestigious man in the country he came from, came out to a desert, a place of nothingness, to join the Jewish people. He wasn’t coming for the glory. He wasn’t coming for the prestige. He wasn’t coming because this was going to make him famous. He was coming because he understood that this was the right thing to do. He understood that this was the right life to live. He understood that this was the truth way to live. That alone was his reason. That’s why he’s the one who comes and brings sacrifices: the sacrifices are saying, “I’m here to serve. I’m here to serve. I’m not here to becoming point. I’m not here to lead. I’m not here to become famous. I’m not here to make money. I’m here simply to serve.”
There is no greater lesson we could learn as a nation before Matan Torah than this lesson of Yitro. He comes to the desert. It’s not about where he’s going. It’s not about how great it’s going to be. It’s not about how it’s going to impact him. He comes to the desert if that’s what it takes.
Let me explain why I think it’s so important. Our community has a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very high emphasis on money. A very distorted high emphasis on money. That means there are a lot of people for whom that’s the number one thing they talk about, and by far the number one thing they think about. Because of that, whether we like it or not, it’s become the subconscious of most young men and many, many young women in this community to just think about that money. How do I one day get the same parts? That’s in their head. That’s the subconscious of many, many, many, if not most, of our kids.
What happens is that most of what they want to do is only something that will either make them look cool or in some way lead them to make money. Some of them will take school seriously because they have to get good grades to get into a good college. They get into a good college, get good grades there, get a good job, and make money. But it’s not really about an education. It’s not really about the learning. It’s not really about the growth. It’s just about the result that will lead to the result that will one day lead to them making money.
When that’s the subconscious of many of our youth, many of our boys and many of our girls, when that’s the subconscious and kind of the bottom line of what they’re thinking—“How do I look good so I marry the right guy?”—they will ignore you when you tell them to speak with proper language. Why? Why should I speak with proper language? What difference is it going to make? I’m still going to make money, so why should I change my language? That’s why you could try to talk to kids who use the language of the day. I am telling you, you could talk till you’re blue in the face; they will completely ignore you because it doesn’t translate into results. Back in the day, you could tell people that others would respect them more, but today it’s not true anymore.
Once that’s the case, they know they can make money and become whatever they’re trying to become, whether they talk that way or not. They will ignore you when you talk about real change in character and middot (character traits). They look at you: “What does middot mean?” Yeah, they care a little bit. I’m not saying they aren’t good kids, but a lot of them don’t care that much, because in what they really care about, it doesn’t make a difference. So if you say, “Let’s work on humility,” why? “Let’s work on our patience.” Why? “Let’s work on self-discipline. Don’t you want to work on your self-discipline?” They’ll shake their head. They’ll say, “Yeah, we do. We care about it.” But they don’t really care about it because it doesn’t really bring any direct results.
“Let’s work on your attitude. Your attitude needs to be different. Let’s work on it. Why don’t you make yourself a plan for how you’re going to make your attitude different?” “Why should I make that plan? Why should I? It’s not going to make a difference at the end of the day in the job I want to get. So why do I have to make a plan to change my attitude?” Become thoughtful. Don’t just do chesed (kindness) for chesed hours, or just do chesed because it’s cool to deliver challot (loaves of bread) on Thursday night, or because it’s cool to go run in a marathon. Not that kind of chesed. I’m talking about real, thoughtful chesed. How about that? Not cool chesed. Not sharp chesed. Not, “I’ll be in a magazine” chesed. Real, genuine thoughtfulness. I’m not saying they don’t care, but I’m saying they don’t really understand what you mean.
If you tell them, “How about working on the value of your time?” “Why do I have to value my time? What’s the difference if I play a video game all day, or spend six months on fantasy football, or spend all my life on Instagram? What’s the difference? It doesn’t matter. When it’s time for me to make money, I’ll work hard to make money. Everything else doesn’t really matter that much.”
There are people in this room, and definitely people who are listening, who are going to say, “No, Rabbi, the kids are good. They’re good kids. They do care.” I know they care somewhat superficially, but in their gut, they don’t care. In their depth, they don’t care. In their real, genuine work, they don’t care. How many kids in our community do you think have a standard of excellence—not because of what the world is going to care about, but their own excellence? Their own excellence. They want to be excellent, not in grades on a test or money they make, but in what they do, what they produce, and what they create.
I’ll tell you the truth. I had a little opportunity most people don’t have. For the first 30 years of my life—that’s not an exaggeration, 30 years of my life—I made almost no money. That’s really the truth. I was in kollel (Torah study program). I got married and made $80 a week in kollel. You got that? $80 a week. That’s $3.20 a month. Okay? That was my income. My wife worked. Family helped support us. We lived on pretty little. I was making $80 a week when I had my fifth child. I was still making $80 a week.
You’re going to say, “Why is that an advantage?” I’m telling you that it was the best thing that ever happened to me, because I spent the first 30 years of my life just working on all the things I just told you about: working on self-discipline, working on being thoughtful, working on service, working on being a person who works hard, not for a result. I didn’t study Torah to be a rabbi. I studied Torah to study Torah. That’s really the truth. Ninety percent of what I learned in those 30 years, I never used in a class in my life. Ninety percent of what I studied, I never used in a class, because no one—do you care if I give a class about a chicken and a coop and an ox in the ditch? No.
Ninety percent of it I’ve never used in a class. But you know what? I was able to spend so many years—and I’m not saying this is recommended for most people. I want to be clear. Most people are not going to go to kollel, and not going to go this long, and not going to be able to do it with that little pay. But so many years were just focused on service. When you have this, it enriches who you are so much more.
I’m trying to figure out how to explain this well enough. To start off Matan Torah, you know what God is going to do? You know what Hashem is going to bring? Yitro is going to come, and you know what’s going to happen when Yitro comes to join the Jewish people? Moshe Rabbeinu, the greatest man to ever live, is going to get up to greet him. Not because there’s going to be a result. Not because this man is going to be really important to him—Moshe Rabbeinu has already made it; he doesn’t need to at this point. Not because there’s going to be prestige, but because I’m going to show my nation that when I have an opportunity to serve, I serve. When I have an opportunity to go out and show someone else respect without a kickback, I do so. When I have an opportunity, when Yitro my father-in-law comes and I’m able to serve the rice and the kibbeh and the chicken, I’m going to serve.
In fact, when the Torah describes Moshe Rabbeinu, it just calls him Ish. Why “the man”? I think it’s telling us that this prestigious Moshe—the man, the person, the Ish, the all-time person—is showing you his willingness and his need to serve. When you have service as a part of you, now you’re ready to be a person and ready to be a Jew. But if your mindset is just completely on results, you’re going to be a much lower-quality person and a much lower-quality Jew.
So many of these teenagers, young adults, and people beyond them have not worked on their character, self-discipline, middot, or attitude. That’s why, when they get married, they don’t know how to hold a marriage together. They were never trained in being people. That’s why they have a hard time parenting a child. They have a hard time with patience because they were never trained in this. They never worked on it. Do you know how much work it entails? They never did that work.
So they look at you: “Of course I’m a good father. I pay his tuition. What are you talking about?” And I’m saying it’s so much more than that. You ask a boy today, “Are you ready for marriage?” You know what the answer always is? It’s always yes. It means, “I’m making enough money to get married.” No means, “I’m not making enough money to get married.” I always want to say to them, “My question was not, ‘Are you ready to be an ATM machine?’ My question is, ‘Are you ready to be a husband? Are you ready to be a father?’” Being ready to be a husband and a father is not just about dollars. Dollars are a piece of it, but it’s so much more than that. Have you developed any of that? Have you thought about it? Have you worked on it? Have you changed yourself through it?
I’ll give you a cute story. I like the story. This woman, I believe, is the only foreign woman CEO of one of the biggest companies in this country. Her name is Indra Nooyi. Anyone here ever hear the name Indra Nooyi? For 12 years, she was the CEO of Pepsi. You’ve heard of Pepsi? Pepsi is a $100 to $150 billion company. They sell way more than Pepsi. They sell all kinds of snacks and all kinds of different drinks and so on. She was the CEO of this company for 12 years.
What’s her story? She tells her story. She says, “In 2000, I became the president of the company.” She’s from India. She came here. She says, “I got a call at 9.30 at night that I was chosen to become the president of Pepsi.” Now, is that a big deal? Would you say that’s a big deal? A foreign woman being called to become president of Pepsi? I would say it’s a big deal.
She says, “I came home that night. My mother was living with us then. I came into the house at 10 o’clock at night, and my mother says to me—” I say, “Hi, Mom, I have big news to tell you.” She says, “Before you tell me any big news, did you go pick up the milk?” She says, “What?” “I said, ‘Did you go pick up the milk from 7-Eleven? We need milk. Did you go get the milk?’” She says, “Mom—” Her mother says, “Get the milk first, and then you tell me the news.” She says, “At 10 o’clock at night, when I became the president of Pepsi, I went to the store to pick up the milk. I came back home, came into the house, took the bottle of milk, and put it on the counter. I said, ‘Come on, here’s your milk. Okay, you ready? Now can I tell you the news?’ She says, ‘What is it?’ I said, ‘I just became the president of Pepsi.’”
She says, “My mother told me, ‘Keep your crown in the garage. In this house, you’re a daughter, you’re a wife, you’re a mother, you’re a person who cares about her children. I don’t care about the crown. Keep all of that ego in the garage. Don’t bring that home here. Come home as the mother of children.’”
I think that lesson is fantastic, because the external stuff is just external stuff. It’s the internal things that make the man and the woman. Many of our sons and daughters are not developed in this area. They’re developed in being cool around their friends. They’re developed in finding a way to one day use the skills that make them money. They’re developed in trying to figure out how to get themselves married, but they’re not really developed in how to make themselves really strong people, real men and real women. They’re not developed in knowing how to properly serve.
How do we get there? I’ll give you one little tip that happened to me yesterday. As you know, we just went through two days of crazy snow. On the first day it was snowing all day. We didn’t touch the snow. I have a lot of snow in front of my house, on the path and in the two spots where cars park. It’s the street—a lot of snow. A guy knocks on my door yesterday morning. This is Tuesday morning. He says, “For a pretty cheap price, I’ll shovel all your snow.” The price was definitely worth it. I told him no. He says, “Really? What? There’s a lot of snow here. It’s a lot of space to shovel.” I said, “I understand.” I said, “You can come back later, but as of now, no.”
I’ll tell you why I said no. I said no because my 14-year-old son is going to shovel all of this. If it takes him all day, it takes him all day. He and his six-year-old brother are going to figure it out. The two of them shoveled, I’m telling you, almost all day. And, mercifully, did I come out in the middle and do the hard part? Yes, I did. But I’m not going to pay someone and lose the opportunity for my son. My son isn’t going to get paid when he’s done, because he needs to understand that this is part of service. This is part of what we do.
At home, my wife wasn’t home for a day or two—whatever, it’s hard to explain—so I said, “Then you guys are going to do the dishes, especially the housekeeping and cooking. You’re going to make your bed. You’re going to serve. You’re going to work. You’re going to work even without looking for results.” It makes such a difference. Am I making my point clear enough? Yes? Do you agree I’m making my point clear enough?
The Jewish people, in the middle of Melachim, in the story of Melachim, in the time of Elisha, were in a war. In that war, there were three kings against the king of Moab. The king of Moab saw himself losing. The Pasuk says he was so nervous, he went up and took one of his children and brought him as a sacrifice to God. I don’t know what that means. Don’t ask. The Pasuk says Hashem was upset and mad at the Jewish people.
You look over there, and the commentator says, “Why is He upset at the Jewish people?” The answer is that Hashem looked, saw this king, and saw the conviction he had. He saw the commitment he had. He was wrong. You don’t bring your child to sacrifice. He was absolutely wrong. But Hashem saw a level of commitment and said, “Do My children have that commitment, too? Do My people have that commitment, too?” Because if they don’t have that commitment, they can’t become the nation I expect them to become.
We don’t become a great nation by working hard to make money. That’s not how we become a great nation. We become a great nation by working hard simply for service. Not for the result. Simply for the service of it. That’s what makes us great. You cannot become a great Jew without this concept. Here’s what I’m here to tell you, and I hope this doesn’t disappoint anybody: You don’t learn Torah in order to become smart. You don’t keep Shabbat in order to spend time with your family. You don’t pray every day in order to have a good day. You don’t do kindness for others because one day you’ll get paid back. That’s not the reason why.
You learn because your job is to learn and study and delve into God’s Word. You keep Shabbat because it’s a day that God commanded as a day of rest, whether it’s easy or not, whether it’s more restful to work and hard to rest. It’s still God’s command. It has nothing to do with the fact that it’s my chance to spend time with my family. I pray every day not to have a good day. I’d like to have a good day, but that’s not why I pray. I pray because it’s my responsibility to serve Hashem and talk to Him. That’s why I pray. The reason I do kindness is that I was put on this earth to serve others. That’s why I was put here, not to get kickbacks.
If you think this isn’t difficult, try to tell a kid, “Pray, and your day is not going to be better.” The only reason they’ll pray is if they believe it will give them a better day. “I saw I had a better day because I prayed.” But if they don’t believe in that, why should I pray? What do you mean, “Why should I pray?” Since when does praying have to do with the results? “Why should I learn this? It’s not relevant, or it’s not interesting.” It’s not about being interesting. It’s about learning God’s Word.
“Why should I not use my phone on Shabbat? It’s easier for me to use my phone.” I understand that Shabbat wasn’t made as a day of easiness. It was made as a day you spend with God. That’s what it was made as: a day you spend with Hashem. It wasn’t made to be an easy day. It wasn’t made to be as convenient as possible. How many people go away on vacation and have a hotel room that’s 20 feet high? They say, “What am I going to do? Hashem doesn’t want me to suffer.” So they take the elbow, they put it in the elevator, and it takes them up. Where did you get that from? You got that from believing it’s supposed to be easy.
That’s why so many kids don’t like to pray: they don’t see the results in it. That’s why so many girls say there aren’t so many good boys. You know why? Because there are boys who know how to make money, but there are a lot of boys who haven’t developed themselves enough in every other area that’s so critical in life. That’s why we have so many people who get married and don’t know what to do with a marriage. They were never prepared as women and never prepared as men. They’re prepared to look good, make money, and find a way to get themselves married, but not prepared to know how to be married.
That’s why all those things I started off with are connected. It’s why people are not happy and don’t feel much sense of purpose. They don’t know what to do. You tell someone, “Spend your life with purpose,” and they say, “What should I do now? What do I do?” “I don’t know. I have nothing to do.” “You do chesed.” “I don’t know. Who do I do chesed for? I don’t know. What do I do?” It’s because you didn’t set yourself up over 50 years to be the person people know they can turn to. People know you have something to offer because you developed these areas. But you didn’t develop these areas. You developed the areas of work that create results, but didn’t develop the areas of work that are just about service to others and service to Hashem. Those parts weren’t really built, and those skill sets weren’t really worked on.
So now you say, “Spend your time on chesed,” and they look at you: “What do I do? I’ll call the SPA and say, ‘I have nothing for me to do.’”
I actually saw a great mashal (parable) for this. I saw something that I think serves as a great mashal.
I keep telling you, I’m home for two days. My wife wasn’t there, so I have my two sons and me home all day. By the way, I have to give a class on this, because it’s pretty depressing staying at home. It’s not so easy, even though I’m the biggest snow guy in America. It still wasn’t easy. On Monday, it was snowing from morning to night. I love snow because I was raised there. I love snow, I cannot tell you. Anytime I can, I go to the window. I set up my learning right near the windows just so I could watch the snow. I gin for snow.
The whole day, I’m seeing this man across the street from me, at the house across the street. He’s shoveling the snow. I’m saying to myself, “This guy’s nuts. It’s snowing. What’s he shoveling?” From early Monday morning, he’s shoveling, then at 7 o’clock, at 9 o’clock, at 11 o’clock, at 1 o’clock, and again at 3 o’clock. He’s shoveling his whole driveway. I’m thinking, “This guy’s wasting his time. He’s shoveling, and then it’s snowing right on top of the shovel, and then it’s snowing right on top of the shovel.” It’s snowing heavily and he’s shoveling. It’s snowing heavily until I woke up the next morning and said, “Well, this guy’s got a driveway and a walkway that are perfect.”
My sons and I are going to shovel all day, and by the time we’re done, it’s still going to be a mess. It’s still going to be a small walkway. It’s still a lot of snow, because the snow is hard. The snow is difficult. You can’t pick it all up. It’s icy. I said, “You know what? That man put in the work early. He put in the work without even seeing results, because he was going to shovel and it was going to snow right on him. But the end result was he had a gorgeous property. I didn’t put in the work early. I was lazy early. The end result was I had to do the same amount of work, and it was going to look much sloppier by the time I was done.”
If you’re willing in your life to put in the work early, when you don’t see any great reward for being self-disciplined, when no one all of a sudden gives you an honor or an award in school for patience, and when you don’t all of a sudden get all kinds of accolades because of your humility—when you put in that work without seeing the results, when it feels like it’s still snowing on you and no one is even noticing the work you do—eventually, your property will be so much cleaner than everybody else’s. Eventually, who you are will be so much more prepared for life than anybody else. One day, and the next day, when you are a worked-on person, watch what kind of husband you become, what kind of wife you become, what kind of son and daughter you become, what kind of father you become, what kind of neighbor you become, what kind of business associate you become, what kind of reputation you have. Watch what becomes of all that work you were doing, shoveling in the snow with nobody noticing. All that work pays so much dividends in the end. You just have to be willing to do the work without seeing the results, without thinking about a dollar sign associated with it, or about being cool associated with it.
I’m going to do the work of refining my language, being more respectful, having the right middot, having a standard of excellence, and having my own goals. I’m going to refine the work of learning and praying—all those things it takes to be a person of service—without seeing a clean driveway right away. But eventually my driveway will be so much cleaner and so much better off because of it.
The Pasuk says—I’m going to give you one more thought. The Pasuk says that Yitro, Vayishma Yitro, Yitro heard what was happening with the Jewish people, so he came. Rashi comments, “What did he hear that motivated him to come?” Rashi says, “The splitting of the sea.” That makes sense. Then Rashi says, “The war with Amalek.” Of the coolest stories that happened to the Jewish people in the desert, the war with Amalek—I wouldn’t put that as one of them. Then, at the end of the Pasuk, when it says everything that Hashem did for the Jewish people, Rashi explains it again. What did he hear? He heard about the water coming from the rock. He heard about man falling from heaven. And he heard about Amalek.
What does Rashi want with Amalek? Why is the battle the Jewish people had with Amalek—where they were losing and then they were winning, with Moshe Rabbeinu holding up his hands, then putting them down and putting them back up—significant enough to draw Yitro out of his prestigious post in Midian and bring him to the desert? I get why water from a rock would bring him, and food from heaven, and even a sea splitting. I for sure understand how that would get him to come. But why does a battle with Amalek get him to come?
I think the answer is this: Moshe—Yitro was so impressed with how God is raising this nation. Yes, God is giving them food from heaven and water from a rock and splitting the sea for them. But in the midst of all those miracles, God put His nation through a war. God wants His nation to become men and women. He put them through a battle in the middle of all the miracles. Hashem could have avoided a war. Hashem said, “No, I’m going to give them food from heaven and water from a rock and 10 plagues from Egypt. I’m even going to split the sea, but I’m going to make them go through a battle in the middle of the whole thing, because I want them to be battle-tested people. I want them to be people of service.”
Right before Matan Torah, Yitro is going to come out to the desert to display service. Moshe Rabbeinu is going to greet his father-in-law and help him, to show what service looks like. That is the most critical component of being a good Jew: being willing to serve without looking for results.
You know what’s unique about everything I just said? If you’re willing to put in this work, it actually helps you make more money. One day, it helps you be more ready for marriage. All those results things—it delivers the results, too. Just not right away. Not in the next two months. Maybe not even in the next two years. Maybe not even in the next ten years. Eventually, it helps with everything. Who doesn’t want someone working for them who has self-discipline, patience, humility, respect, values time, and has a standard for excellence? Everyone wants that guy working for them. Everyone wants that person. Everyone wants to help that person make money because that person can make them so much money. But it’s not direct. You have to be willing to shovel the driveway without seeing a clean driveway for a while.
I’ll give you one last little story. Should I give you two? Okay, I’ll give you two. I told you. I’ll give you two stories. One is a story from a book I read while I was away. This guy tells his story. He says, “When I was a kid, I was part of a camp that was going to help kids from the inner city of Boston. Because I had a fairly nice upbringing, they said there was no way I could relate to the kids in the inner city of Boston. So what they did for us was, for three days, they blindfolded us, drove each of us individually, with the counselors, a hundred miles away from our house, and dropped us off in the middle of no place. They said, ‘You have to survive for three days. You have no money, you have no food, you have to survive with no phone. You have to survive for three days. There’s a little phone number on your arm. If you give up, call the phone number. Otherwise, you have to make it work.’”
He says, “I sat there living under a bridge, sleeping on a park bench at night, trying to get some beer from a guy, collecting money for three hours, and I collected $1.75. I ate from other people’s plates. It was the most difficult three days you could ever imagine.” He said, “But then, when it became time for me to start my company—do you think that was hard? Whatever I went through trying to be an inner-city kid for three days prepared me for everything I needed to do.” He became the founder of Netflix, and the company is worth $150 billion today. The point, Hazit. But the point is that those things prepare you. Those things—they’re the best things that ever happened to you. You want people to deal with adversity, be battle-tested, overcome challenges. That’s what makes you you.
Who cares about how my day is going to be today? I want to pray because I need to pray. I want to learn because I want to learn, not because it’s going to sharpen my mind. Forget all that stuff. That’s all external stuff. I want to change the way I speak. I want to change the way I think. I want to change my character because I want to be a man of service. I’ll figure out the results later.
One last nice little story. There was an orphan boy in Israel a few months ago. It was now getting time to close his bar mitzvah (son of the commandment). This kid had a wonderful voice—has a wonderful voice. The people around him knew his family had zero money. They were going to take care of it, and try to put together a little bar mitzvah. Since he has a wonderful voice and loves to sing, they called this world-class Jewish singer and asked him to come and sing at the bar mitzvah. The man says, “Okay, I could come, but here’s my price.” I don’t know, $5,000. They said, “You don’t understand; this is an orphan.” He said, “What do you want me to do? This is my job. My job is to sing, and I get paid for it.” They said, “But this is an orphan, and Hashem takes care of the orphans.” The singer thought about it. He said, “You know what? I’ll do it.”
He showed up at the bar mitzvah, sat right next to the kid, and sang. They sang all night and swayed back and forth. It was a wonderful night. Beautiful. He did a beautiful mitzvah (commandment). Everyone was crying. It was a fantastic night.
Two days later, the singer gets a phone call. “The boy had Corona, and you sat right next to him. So you were exposed. Now you have to be in quarantine for two weeks.” He hangs up the phone. He’s like, “This can’t be. I’m doing a mitzvah, and now I did it for free. I didn’t get paid, and now I’m in quarantine, which is going to stop me from making more money.” Three, four days later, he gets tested. He has Corona. He said, “No, I can’t believe this. You’ve got to be kidding me. I’m doing a mitzvah. I have to quarantine. I end up getting Corona from the mitzvah. I do.”
Two months later, he gets a phone call from America. There’s an organization that wants to make a humongous bar mitzvah for many orphaned boys and kids who didn’t have bar mitzvahs in the last few months, and they want to fly him in to sing. They’re going to pay him an enormous amount of money. He says, “How’d you get my number? Why’d you pick me? There are a lot of singers out there.” They say, “Because one of the people from our organization was at this small bar mitzvah in Israel for an orphan boy, and we saw how you cared for the boy. We said you’re the right person to come.” Then they said, “One second. You can only come on one condition: you have to have had Corona already.” He says, “You got it. I had it,” and he came.
Service leads to results, but you can’t sit and serve expecting it. I hope I articulated this mentality clearly enough. The sad thing we have in our community is that the external stuff creates almost like a window open in a plane. It draws so much of our physical and mental attention that it doesn’t allow us to develop in every other area of what makes a person great.
The introduction to Matan Torah is a man coming to the desert, bringing sacrifices, showing the nation, “I came here not for glory, but to serve.” It’s the leader of the Jewish people showing, “I’m not doing only great things. I’m going to do simple things, like go greet my father-in-law and serve food at the table.” And Yitro says, “I’m so impressed with this nation, because I see God building a nation—not just a nation of people who are entitled to food from heaven and water from a rock, but a nation of people who are battle-tested.” Those are the children I want to raise. That’s the person I want to become. I want to be a person who, yes, has to care about certain results, but who has character inside that’s unrelated to results. That will only happen if I’m committed to serve.