What if I’m in a family and I feel like someone else is treated better than me? Someone else is loved more than me? Someone else always gets an answer when they call, but I get ignored. Someone else always seems to get a larger gift, but I don’t. Someone else seems to get more visits to their house. What do I do?
So here’s what you need to do. I’m not giving you great advice; I’m just giving you some advice. The word kin'ah is kuf (letter kuf), nun (letter nun), aleph (letter aleph), hey (letter hey). That means jealousy. Kuf, nun, aleph, hey. The Chida writes that the kuf of kin'ah stands for Cain, who killed his brother Hevel. The nun of kin'ah stands for the nachash, the snake, who was jealous of Adam and Chava. The aleph stands for the man in this week’s parashah—last week’s parashah, excuse me—the ofeh, the man who was the baker for Pharaoh. He saw the interpretation of the other man’s dream, the Sar HaMashkim (chief cupbearer), and now he wanted an interpretation of his dream. He was jealous that that man was going to be promoted, so he said, “Can you interpret my dream? Maybe I’ll get a promotion too.” And the hey is Haman. Haman’s jealousy toward Mordecai—we don’t need to explain.
What’s the moral of this acronym? Kuf, nun, aleph, hey: Cain, nachash, ofeh, and Haman. The answer is this: You know what all four of those people have in common? Their jealousy brought about their demise. Cain was jealous of his brother, killed his brother, and his life became a mess. The nachash was destroyed because of his jealousy. The ofeh also wanted to be promoted. The next thing you know, he had a dream that got him killed. And Haman, we know, was hung from the gallows.
I tried to honor that dream. I did my best to help my brother, but I did it for the purpose of making sure he was known for all he was doing—not for them, not for himself, but for his brother. And Haman, he’s different too. On the other hand, someone in the anecdote said, “Hey, do you think you can be adopted?” The reply was, “Yeah, you can, but you should not be adopted.” You, but it doesn’t mean anything.
If you get too carried away with kin'ah, it will do to you what it did to Cain, what it did to the nachash, what it did to that person, and what it did to Haman. It will destroy you. So even if you’re right to be jealous, even if you’re justified, I could validate your feelings. You’re right. Your mother was wrong. Your father was wrong. Your grandparents were wrong. It’s not fair that they had an inheritance and they got more and you got less, and I don’t blame you. I’d be beaten up inside. I’d be angry as could be. I’d be resentful of that guy who’s in the grave. I’d be upset. But as long as you stay upset, that man’s dead already. As long as you stay upset, you’re destroying yourself, destroying yourself. So just realize what kin'ah does.