The other day, I sat with someone who's related to somebody who got divorced. What ends up happening in most divorces is that both sides talk. Sometimes one side talks a lot. They say that the boy was bad, abusive, and did worse. They say he wasn't even the right good man and wasn't appropriate. They come up with all this stuff.
Now, if you're the boy's mother, sister, or friends, you want to scream. There have been countless stories in this community across the Jewish world of people who went through divorces and heard rumors about them. They wanted to scream, and rightfully so. They should scream. People are saying things that either are not true or are grossly exaggerated, so they want to flip out and protect their reputation. It all makes sense.
But I want to tell you something, Mr. Family Member, who is the brother of the person who just got divorced. When you speak, nobody hears you. Everybody knows you're his brother. Everybody knows you're going to be defensive. Everybody knows that, whether he's right or wrong, you're going to come up with some excuse. So when you're talking, they might be shaking their heads, but they don't hear you. They might even be saying, “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” but they don't mean it, because they have no clue who's right. And just because you said it doesn't mean they heard you.
I don't blame you for wanting to defend yourself. But it never works, because we know what side you're on. So if we know before you talk what side you're on, when we talk, we know you're just talking from that side. So sometimes, even in that situation, which is so difficult, you got to just do good, build yourself up, be a great person. It's a good woman, build yourself up, be a great person. People are saying stuff; just keep doing great. Maybe you could tell someone, “You know, I don't think that's true. That really never happened,” but all your explanations are not really being heard so much.
But here's what you can know. Don't worry. All of the rumors aren't being heard so much either. What the other side is spreading, no one's listening to them either, because they know that they're on that side. So everyone knows they're not listening to you. They're not listening to them, which is beautiful. No one cares about what you say, so don't say anything. Just do...