In Masechet Avot, Perek Hei (chapter five), Mishnah Tet Zayin (seventeen), the Mishnah says, “Kol ahavah shehi teluyah badavar, batel davar, betelah ahavah.” Any love that depends on something will not last forever because when that thing ends, the love will end. In other words, if a person bases all of the love that he has on a certain detail or characteristic, then automatically, when that characteristic is gone, the love also goes with it. Therefore, the relationship the person would be in, for example, is not as strong.
For example, a man who loves a woman because of her beauty: once that beauty goes, the love also goes with it, and the relationship is not strong.
But a love that doesn’t depend on something will never end. A person who loves somebody else, for example, regardless of the benefit they’re provided with, will have a type of love that lasts indefinitely because there’s nothing that will change the relationship.
“Eizo hi ahavah hateluyah badavar?” What’s an example of love that depends on something? “Zo ahavat Amnon veTamar.” It’s the type of love that Amnon had for Tamar. Amnon was the son of David HaMelech (the king), and Tamar was the daughter of David HaMelech from a different marriage, from a different mother. We know from the people of Israel that Amnon lusted after Tamar because she was beautiful. Once he was with her, he actually violated her against her will. After that, once the lust subsided, he didn’t have love for her anymore. So it was all about the lust and the beauty, and once he didn’t have that anymore, he didn’t feel any love for her.
“Ve'she'einah teluyah badavar, zo ahavat David veYehonatan.” An example of love that does not depend on something is the love of David for Yehonatan. Yehonatan, the son of Shaul HaMelech, and David HaMelech, who would later become king but at that point in time was not king, were close friends and had that love and close kinship with each other. Even though Yehonatan was supposed to be the successor to his father, the king, once he realized that HaKadosh Baruch Hu (the Holy One, blessed be He) wanted David HaMelech, he humbly stepped aside and had David HaMelech become the new king. Even when Shaul was trying to kill David, Yehonatan helped him against his father. We see that the relationship they had was not about any benefit they would gain; actually, it was the opposite. They sacrificed for each other. And that’s real love, that close friendship they had, not based on anything, but really about each other, really about the closeness they felt.