Okay, good morning everyone. Good to see everybody. Welcome back. Today is Question Thursday. One of the questions that came in from someone who listens to our class is, I think, very important: How do we answer somebody who asks us the following question? Or maybe we ourselves have that question. Is living in this world so we can get reward in the next world considered selfish? Is it not selfish that I am doing something in order to have pleasure? I’m doing it for me. I’m helping you for me. Is that not a selfish way of life? Are we not supposed to live in this world for others, just to make the world a better place for our children and grandchildren? Isn’t that the right way and the right purpose to live for? Because living for your own Olam Haba (the next world), living for your own eternity, is selfish. How would we answer somebody who asks such a question?
This question is so important, so fundamental. I’m not sure we can finish it in one class. I’ll try. Maybe we need one or two days. But I don’t think we’re going to be able to look back before we hear the answer to this question and really see how we lived before. That’s how important this answer is. Knowing this information. These are very good questions. And knowing the answer to these questions is going to make a very big difference in our life.
So let’s start. Is it selfish to live in this world in order to go to Olam Haba? The answer is yes, it is. It is selfish. Is it the right way to live? The answer is no. A person who lives in this world, does mitzvot (commandments) and chesed (kindness), and says, “I’m doing it so I can have a greater Olam Haba, a greater eternity,” is not living in this world. I’m living life for the right reason. It’s actually an explicit Mishnah in Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers). It’s not a major chiddush. It may be surprising to some listening: “Wow, really? Am I not living for eternity? Don’t we always talk about eternity? And now we’re saying that if you live in order to get reward in eternity, you’re not really living the right way?” Surprising. Shocking. But, like I said, these aren’t my words. It’s a Mishnah in Pirkei Avot, and as we’ll soon see, it’s actually quite obvious.
The Mishnah says, “Do not live your life like servants who serve their master in order to get a reward.” You have a servant and a master. The master will give him money, shelter, food, and pleasures if he does the right things. So when his master asks him to do something, he serves him. What is he thinking about when he serves his master? He’s thinking about himself. He’s thinking about his paycheck. He’s thinking about his own pleasures.
The Mishnah in Pirkei Avot says that when you serve God, when you do a mitzvah bein adam laMakom, whether you’re doing a mitzvah between you and Hashem or a mitzvah between you and your friend, do not have that same mindset. Do not think about what you’re getting out of it, whether you’re getting something out of it in this world or what you’re going to get out of it in the next world. You shouldn’t be thinking about that. That should not be your mindset when you do a mitzvah. You should not be like that employee, that servant, who is working for someone but ultimately doing it for himself. Don’t be like that person. Ela (rather), what should I be like? What should I do? You should be like those people who serve their master without thoughts of compensation. That’s a Mishnah in Pirkei Avot.
So does that mean there’s no Olam Haba? Is that what we’re saying? Obviously not. That’s not what it means. Olam Haba is a different discussion. We’re not going to talk about it today. But the Mishnah is telling us a very important principle: when we do good in this world for our own benefit, even if the benefit is eternity, that’s selfish. And living a life of selfishness is not what we’re here to do.
If somebody asks, “So then why would I do good? If I’m not going to get something out of it, why would I do good? For what reason would I do good?” the answer is that we are put into this world with the opportunity to graduate, through our own free choice and decisions, to be like Hashem, as we’ve mentioned in the past. We’re here to be godly. In what way do we become godly? By becoming givers. The Creator is a giver. He’s not a taker. So being a giver means that you are like Hashem. The more of a giver you become in your life, the more like God you become. The more you take and love to take, the less godly you become. Ultimately, being a giver is our mission in life. That’s why, if you serve God in order to take, you’re a taker, not a giver.
Why would I serve the Creator? Why would I do mitzvot if not for Olam Haba? Simple. If I have this middah, if my character is such that I am a giver, givers, by their nature, feel obliged to give something back when someone gives them something. You see, if I’m a taker and I’m selfish and think only about myself, when someone gives me something, I’m very happy to receive it. I don’t necessarily feel that I have to give something back. I’m selfish. I think about myself. My two-year-old daughter, when I give her something, isn’t thinking about what she can do to give back. At this point in her life, she’s selfish. It’s only about her. A giving person is someone who, when they receive something, feels an obligation to give back.
Therefore, if somebody asks, “So why would I do good? Why would I do mitzvot if I’m not thinking about my eternity?” the answer is: if you are a giver, then when Hashem is giving to you—constantly giving to you, continuing to give you much more than you can give back—you feel obliged to reciprocate. When someone does me a favor, I feel obliged to give back if I’m a giver. There’s no one more giving to us than our Creator. Therefore, when He tells us to do something, we should be running to give back to Him because of what He gave us.
I gave you this example a few weeks back, maybe a few months back; I don’t remember. Just imagine a 50-year-old man whose mother calls him on a snowy day because she needs to go somewhere important, but she’s stuck in the snow. She can’t get out, and she needs her son to come and shovel the snow so she can get where she needs to go. This 50-year-old tells his mother, “I’ll be right over to help you. But first, could you tell me how much you’re going to pay me for that?” What would you say about such a person? You’d say, “That’s disgusting.” Now, why is that disgusting? If you’re asking me to do something, I want to know how much you’re going to pay me. It’s normal. Why is that disgusting? The answer is because it’s your mother.
“So what? So what? She’s already given you so much. You owe her much more than anything you could do for her. You owe her your life, the upbringing she worked so hard to give you, the money she gave you, the food she made for you, and all the care and worry she gave you in every aspect of your life. You don’t have—you know how much you’re behind on the bills? You know how much you owe? Imagine somebody owes me a million dollars, and I ask him for a favor, for something back. ‘So what are you going to give me?’ What am I going to give you? You owe me millions of dollars. You haven’t paid that yet.” That’s why we would say that 50-year-old young man, old man, child—call him whatever you like—is behaving in the most disturbing manner, expecting a reward from his mother to shovel the snow when he owes her so much.
Now, by the way, if his mother gives him money, there’s nothing wrong with it. If he knows, for example, that he’s going to get paid by his mother, that his mother is going to give him a nice big gift when he does that, there’s nothing wrong with that. But to do it with that intent is something we would not accept as quality in this world. That’s what the Mishnah is telling you. We owe the Creator much more than we owe our mother.
Therefore, when the Creator says, “Please, I want you to keep Shabbat. It makes me feel good when you keep Shabbat. I want you to treat your friend the proper way. I don’t want you talking about him. I don’t want you going there. I want you to give your money to this person,” that’s like your mother telling you, “I want you to shovel snow.” If you’re thinking about your Olam Haba, why are you doing it? “Oh, what am I getting for this? Oh God, what am I getting for keeping Shabbat? What do I get for that?” What do you get for that? Haven’t you gotten enough yet? Every moment you’re breathing, aren’t you getting anything? What are you asking me, “What am I going to get?” as if you haven’t gotten anything yet?
Therefore, the Mishnah says that someone who serves God and does mitzvot in order to get a reward, even if it’s eternity, has something missing in him. That mindset itself shows that he’s really not accomplishing in this world. How could you accomplish something in this world and be selfish like that? The truth is, the next world is all going to be based on what kind of person you are. So if you serve God for the next world, in essence, you’re really not going to have much in the next world, because that shows you’re selfish. Selfish people in the next world are not going to do so well. The next world is a place of godliness, so the people who are godly will be able to benefit from that place. When you serve God and do mitzvot in order to get a reward, that shows you’re selfish. If you’re selfish and you go to the next world, you’re not going to have a lot.
The Mishnah says, therefore, that you’re supposed to be a giver. A giver, when they receive something, wants to reciprocate. When they have the chance to reciprocate, they want to do it because of their obligation. That makes you a giver. That kind of person, when he goes to Olam Haba, is going to have something great. That will be the result, but it cannot be the intent. There’s nothing wrong with wanting good things for yourself. But doing it for that reason—excuse me, not wanting it, but doing it for that reason—knocks you out of what you’re supposed to be. It’s a very simple rule.
So again, of course, there’s a... And of course, you’re allowed to know that. And of course, you’re allowed to want it. There’s nothing wrong with wanting good things. Nobody here would be upset with anybody who wants a good car, a good house, a good life, health, a good marriage, or happiness. You wouldn’t be upset with anybody for wanting good things. There’s nothing wrong with wanting eternity. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy your life in this world and the next world. Nothing wrong with that. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. What is wrong is when your Creator asks you to do something and you ask Him, “What am I getting for this?” That’s wrong. That’s called selfish. And when you’re selfish, you don’t really belong in the next world, because the next world is there for people who are givers. So how do I know if you’re selfish or not? When the Creator asks you, when your mother asks you, do you say, “What am I getting for it?” before you start to do it? That’s a problem.
Now let’s go to the next level. There’s a Gemara in Masechet Kiddushin (Tractate of Betrothal), a very famous Gemara. It might be very hard to understand when you first hear it. The Gemara gives a rule in life: greater is the person who is commanded to do something and does it than the person who is not commanded but still does it.
So let me give you an example. Two people. One person is obligated to sit in the sukkah (booth). He has to, and he does it. He’s obligated. There’s another person whom God tells, “You know what? You’re not obligated.” For example, a woman. A woman is not obligated in the mitzvah of sukkah. The woman says, “I know I’m not obligated, but I really want to do it. I really want to show Hashem that I love Him. So I want to go and sit in the sukkah.” By the way, a woman who sits in the sukkah gets a mitzvah. She’s not obligated, but if she does it, she gets a mitzvah. So she doesn’t have to. Her husband is sitting outside; maybe it’s a little cold, maybe it’s a little muggy, maybe it’s not so comfortable, but he’s doing it because he has to. She doesn’t even have to do it. On her own, she goes and puts herself in that situation. The Gemara asks, “Whose act is greater?” The Gemara says the act of the man is greater than the woman’s. Why? Because he is commanded and does it. He is greater than the woman who is not commanded and does it.
Now, this rule seems to be against what we would think. Let’s take an example. Let’s say I’m sitting at home and my father commands me to get him a glass of water. He commands me. He says, “Son, you are hereby commanded. You must get me a glass of water.” So I’m commanded. My father commands me. What should I do? I go and get him a glass of water. That’s one scenario. You have another child who looks at his father and realizes his father needs a glass of water. The father didn’t tell him, but on his own, without being commanded, he goes to get his father a glass of water. Who would you say is showing greater love for his father? Certainly, you would say the second one. The first one only got the glass because his father told him, “Go get me the water.” The second one, on his own, out of love, saw his father needed water and went to get him water.
The Mishnah says, the Gemara in Masechet Kiddushin says, and the Gemara in the Lenten Torah says it’s greater to do something when you’re obligated—we’re talking about the mitzvot—than when you’re not obligated. We really have to scratch our heads and figure out why. Why would that be? What kind of rule is that? Why would it be greater to do something when you’re commanded than when you do it on your own? Isn’t it better when it comes from yourself, without being told what to do? How do we understand that?
But I have to share some very important principles with you. We already did some, but I’m going to tell you more now. As I mentioned, this world is an opportunity for us to be godly. Being givers is godliness. Being takers is the opposite of godliness. Now, usually when there’s a giver, there’s a taker. Someone gives you something; you receive it. And, by the way, the taker isn’t always a taker. Sometimes the taker is a giver. What does that mean? Someone buys me a gift. They’re giving to me; I’m taking. Just because I’m taking doesn’t mean I’m selfish. Sometimes when I take a gift from somebody, I take it because it makes them feel good, because they want to give the gift. So by receiving the gift, I’m actually giving. It’s not always the motion of the hand. Just because you’re going one way or the other doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re a giver or a taker. A person could be taking something and be a giver, and a person could be giving something and be a taker.
For example, a person goes into a pizza store and gives $20 to the person behind the counter. “Here he is: $20. Give her. Give her.” He’s not a giver. That person isn’t thinking about giving that person $20. He’s thinking about taking pizza for himself. So even though he’s giving, he’s really a taker.
A person who serves food to people in his restaurant—is he a giver or a taker? Well, it depends. On one hand, he’s giving them food. On the other hand, he’s taking money. So what is he? It depends where his mind is. If he really wants to feed people, loves to see people eat and enjoy themselves, and also has to make money—otherwise, he can’t survive or do more of this—then he’s a giver. But if all he cares about is taking people’s money, and in order for them to give him money he has to give them something, so let it be. He makes good kibbeh, so he gives them food. But what is he thinking about? Where’s his focus? His focus is on their money. If your focus is on that guy’s money, then you’re a taker, not a giver, even though you’re giving him tremendous pleasure. Giving and taking are not always measured by the motion of the hand. You could be giving and be a taker, and you could be taking and be a giver.
Ultimately, our mission in life is to be givers. But now let’s discuss a different type of giving and taking that most people may never really have thought about or realized. There’s something called an obligation: I have an obligation to do something. And there’s something called a right: I have rights. Usually rights and obligations work together, like giving and taking. When there’s a giver, there’s a taker. When there’s a taker, there’s a giver. Rights and obligations work the same way. For example, I have a right to my body, so you have an obligation not to touch me. I have rights to my money; it’s my money, so you have an obligation not to take it. I have an obligation to pay you for your work; you have the right to collect money for your work. Obligation, right.
When we look at the Torah, we find something extraordinary: the Torah never speaks about rights. It speaks only about obligations. For example, when somebody works for us, we have to pay them on time. The Torah will never say, “As an employee, you have the right to get paid on time.” The Torah never says that, or anything similar to that. The Torah is focused on the employer. The Torah says to the employer, “Pay on time.” It’s your obligation. The Torah says that a child has an obligation to honor his parents. The Torah does not say that parents have the right to be honored by their children. The Torah says that we have an obligation to give money to a poor person. But nowhere does it say that a poor person has the right to collect money. If you study the entire Torah, you’ll find it’s all about obligations.
Now again, very often an obligation creates a right on the other side. Meaning, if I borrowed money from you, the Torah says, “Make sure you pay.” You’re obligated to pay. Now, it’s true that the other person who lent me money has a right to collect. But the Torah never focuses on his rights. The Torah focuses on obligation. This is very different from the Bill of Rights that runs this country. You see, the Bill of Rights is focused on our rights. It’s my land. It’s my business. It’s my right to collect payment from you. It’s my right to get paid on time. The loan—which again makes you obligated to pay me. But there’s a very big difference between focusing on the obligation and focusing on the rights. What’s the difference? A person who acts out of obligation is always thinking about what he needs to do for somebody else. What’s my obligation to my mother? What’s my obligation to my father? What’s my obligation to my employer? What’s my obligation to my wife? What’s my obligation to my Creator? When you think about your obligation, that means you’re becoming a giver. You are a giver, and you’re training yourself to be a giver. When you think about obligation, it’s a different world.
When I’m focused on my rights, that makes me selfish. It’s my right. It’s my house. It’s my money. It’s my, my, my. That’s a focus on yourself. That creates a selfish human being. The Torah never speaks to us about our rights, because our rights and a focus on them make us selfish, which is the opposite of godliness. The Torah’s focus is on our obligation, on what we need to do.
Do you know the difference between relationships where people act out of obligation and those where they act out of rights? Take a marriage as a simple example. Imagine a husband and wife. They both have rights and obligations. But imagine that the husband is focused on his rights, meaning what his wife is obligated to do for him, and the wife is focused on her rights, meaning what her husband is obligated to do for her. That marriage will be in shambles. What’s a great marriage? When each one is focused on their obligation. Imagine the husband asking, “What do I have to do for this marriage?” and the wife saying, “What do I have to do for this marriage?” When they’re focused on their obligation, they become two givers.
An employee and employer are the same story. Imagine the employer is focused on how much the employee has to work for him, and the employee is focused on how much the employer has to pay him. That will not be successful. But when an employer is thinking about what he has to do for his employees, and the employee is thinking about his obligation to his employer, that’s a healthy relationship. Those are two givers. Our Torah is focused on creating givers, and therefore it always talks about obligation. It talks about what we need to do. The Bill of Rights is focused on our rights, which unfortunately can create a selfish society where everyone is thinking about themselves. The reason the Torah is focused on obligation is that the Torah is meant to create the ultimate giver, who is always thinking about what they need to do for others. That’s the training of the Torah.
That’s why the Gemara says the rule is that the one who is commanded is greater than the one who does it on their own. And we ask, “What do you mean? Getting a cup of water for your father when he commands you—that’s not as great as getting him water even before he tells you. You’re anticipating.” The answer is a little bit deep, but it’s simple, really.
You see, when you get your father water without him asking, it could be that you see the value in giving your father the water. When you see that value, it really makes you feel good. When you give your father the water on your own, that means you’re doing something really for yourself. You love your father. You think this is a good thing to do for your father. So it could be that you’re doing it because you see that value for yourself, because you want to be a good person, and this is a way of being good. That’s for you.
But when you do it out of commandment, then you’re doing it out of obligation. You’re not necessarily doing it because you think it’s a good thing for him to have water. You’re doing it because he’s your father, you owe him, and because you owe him, when he asks you, you’re obligated to give him. That is a clear demonstration that you’re a giver.
When you give charity, for example, because you think it’s a great thing to do, that’s a little selfish, isn’t it? Because you want to feel good about yourself and you want to be good. So when you have a chance to help others, you do it. Why are you doing it? Could it be because it makes you feel good? Isn’t that selfish? But when you give charity because you’re commanded to give charity, because the Creator who created you says, “I want you to give charity,” that’s a sure sign that you’re doing it out of obligation, and now you’re a giver.
When we do mitzvot because we like them, when we do mitzvot because we think they’re a beautiful way to live, when we keep Shabbat because we say, “Wow, nothing better than Shabbat,” when we learn wisdom and Torah and say, “Oh, nothing better than that,” when we do it on our own, there’s a selfish element, or at least there could be a selfish element to it. But once we’re acting out of obligation, it’s not because I want to do that. It’s not because giving charity makes me feel good. It’s not because I want to be good. That’s not why I’m doing it—not to massage my conscience. No. You know why I’m doing it? Because I owe something to the Creator. He told me, “I want you to do it.” I owe Him. My father—I owe him. I’m not doing it for me. I’m doing it for him. It’s a whole different way of looking at life. That’s why it’s greater to do something out of commandment than to do it on your own.
It’s true that you show great love for your father when you do something for him on your own. It’s true. We can’t take away that point. But if we’re looking at givers and takers, the greatest testimony of a giver is when they act out of obligation. Because when you act out of obligation, you’re showing there’s nothing in it for you. It’s not even making me feel good. That’s not why I’m doing it. I’m not doing it because I enjoy it. I’m not doing it because I think it’s the right thing. I’m not doing it for that reason. I’m doing it because I owe you something, and now I have a chance to pay you back. Ah, that’s a giver. That is the Torah that we have. It’s a Torah that trains us to become godly by giving us obligations and making us the ultimate givers.
Ultimately, you know a great giver when they have Hakarat HaTov. You know a great giver when they have this feeling that they have to reciprocate. That’s a real giver. It’s a true test of a giver. They can’t accept something without having the feeling that they want to give back.
So yes, the answer to the question is that we’re not supposed to be doing things for a reward. Now, of course, that’s very hard for many people, so we help them. We graduate step by step. Let’s first do it for the reward, like we do with our children. We don’t want them to do things for a reward. They shouldn’t go to school and do well for a reward. That’s silly. Do it for themselves. But we help them along. We give them a little lollipop. We give them a little toy to get them into the mode. Then hopefully they’ll mature and understand.
It’s the same thing with the Creator. Sometimes we tell people, “You know, it’s true. You’re going to have a great reward.” It’s not the ultimate, but you get the guy going a little bit. Once he gets going, he’s supposed to graduate to a much higher level. We’re supposed to be doing things out of obligation, because that is what makes us givers. And there’s more to this question that I’ll deal with B'ezrat Hashem tomorrow. I wish you all B'ezrat Hashem a healthy, safe, and wonderful day. Take care.