Nice to see you again. Today, in our Lashon HaTov (good speech), Shemirat Halashon (guarding our tongue) session, I want to discuss a very common situation. As you know, Lashon Hara is a negative statement. It can cause harm, belittle a person being spoken about, and also have an effect on the listener and the victim. Many people have excuses, but the Chafetz Chaim, zichrono livracha (may his memory be blessed), tells us that they don't really work to defend a person from the issue called Lashon Hara. Even though they may think an excuse is valid, it doesn't actually function that way in the world of Torah and Mitzvot (commandments).
We have a case in Klal Gimel, the third, so to speak, chapter of the Sefer Chafetz Chaim. In Halacha Gimel (Law Three) and Halacha Dalet (Law Four)—excuse me—he talks about what's called “just joking.” Just joking is a serious, not joking, situation. Humor, laughter, and joy that come from something we call funny or light are things that many people spend a lot of time on. But there's a big difference between which side of the coin you're on. Humor could be about natural events, past history, or a personality trait. But humor can also make fun of an individual.
When a person is the victim of the joke, the one who perpetrated the joke has violated the laws of Ben Adam Lachaveiro (between one person and another), which we incorporate in a subject called Lashon Hara. Think of the last time a group of people might have joked with you, and you, the victim, were in a group where everybody was laughing, not with you, but at you. Then, as your face turned red and then white, one of the participants, one of the perpetrators, I'll call them, says, “Just joking.” “We were only, we have a different, we're only sketching.” And yet, in the Halachot (laws), we have not just a joke, but a perpetrator of an Avera (sin), a perpetrator of damage to another person, and a victim. The bystanders who accept it and laugh along with it are also guilty.
You know, we're going to learn about the Egel (Golden Calf) in this week's Parashah. It should never happen again; it was such a disaster in Am Yisrael (the people of Israel). When you picture the scene of approximately three million people who received the Torah, and you see that approximately 3000 were executed for the sin, you say, “Wait a minute, why is it such a disaster? 3000 out of 3 million?” It's not pleasant. It's not good. One is no good when it comes to a sin of Avodah Zarah (idolatry). But the Torah says, “Leave me alone. I'm going to destroy them.” Where does that come from? Say they're sages participating as a joyous onlooker is a sin as well.
When it comes to Lashon Hara, we also enter that area of being a participant by observing. You may have laughed along, you, the victim, because you didn't want to be a bad sport. They pulled the chair out and you fell, so you laugh at yourself. They fooled you, and you said something that was humorous, maybe in a wicked way or an evil way or an unfair way. And everybody laughed, so you laugh along with it. “If I don't, they're going to think I'm not nice. They're going to think I'm not able to take it.” But when you're on the receiving end, the remark ends up not being at all amusing. Sometimes it may hurt a person to the point where the victim starts to believe, “Maybe it's partly true.” So that's the victim of Lashon Hara.
But the Chafetz Chaim also addresses the person who, after speaking Lashon Hara, justifies what he did by saying, “Come on. I was only joking. I didn't mean it.” The Chafetz Chaim says that's the furthest thing from a joke that's possible. You have hurt feelings. You have an injury to self-esteem. Words have power. Words are potent. The Chachamim (sages) call it chitzim, arrows that are not only dangerous locally. They go out for a distance. You don't know where Lashon Hara is going to end up.
So again, the Chafetz Chaim is telling us that we, as Yehudim (Jews) who call ourselves Torah observant, have to understand that words have consequences. Words are potent. Words can hurt. Words can damage. Even a joke said today, if not understood as a joke by one of the listeners, can cost a person their job, their match in marriage, a partnership in business, or the respect of a fellow human being. But you were only joking. The destruction does not have to be immediate. It could be pushed off. It could be a delayed reaction to the damage that it causes.
So, as we study the laws of Lashon Hara and what I call Shemirat Halashon, which is nicer, guarding our tongue, Netzor leshoncha me'ra means guarding your tongue. It doesn't say, “Don't speak Lashon Hara.” Netzor Lashon Hara is a crooked talk. You have to understand that Hashem does not like when His children are hurt. Imagine if your four-year-old was the victim of a joke. You don't know how that person is going to grow up.
I have the Zechut (merit) to be involved in a very active way with Achiezer, Yeshiva, and the girls' school on Avenue X. In chinuch (education), we can tolerate a lot of leeway. We can tolerate a person not understanding, a person not paying attention, a person not working hard, until we put our efforts into fixing it. But when somebody bullies another child, or if an adult hurts the self-esteem of a child, that's not acceptable. It's not acceptable.
There was a boy in one of the community schools. His parent was very upset and approached me. It happened to be his rabbi who gave him a blow by making a joke about him in class, to the point that he didn't want to go to school. But the rabbi was just joking in front of 30 other children, his contemporaries, whose respect he needs to feel good about himself. And yes, this is a lesson to learn. A person whose self-esteem is damaged suffers damage beyond any monetary price you can put on it.
So remember, not every joke is a joke, and not every joke is funny, especially if it comes at the expense of someone else. And know that you can open up the Sefer Chafetz Chaim, Klal Gimel, Halacha Gimel and Dalet; all of these state that if the joking is a negative statement, or if it causes harm or damage, emotional or financial, to a person, that's Lashon Hara. The perpetrator and those who join in laughing without saying anything are all guilty of violating the laws of Shemirat Halashon.
Today, we've gone beyond it. We have chats, social media, newspapers, and websites inviting us to make comments. Be careful. Print, electronic, digital—it's still Lashon Hara. No heter (permission) to say something bad about something just because you texted or because you were responding with humor in a chat. It's very dangerous and could be very harmful to a person. And one thing I can tell you for certain: Hashem doesn't like it. Hashem has His way of evaluating the behavior of human beings, and hurting another, even through words, even through facial expressions, is unacceptable. It's called a violation of the laws of Shemirat Halashon. We will begin now.