Good morning. This is Torah Tuesday, a session on Shemirat Halashon: taking care of our speech to make sure it's as kosher (fit under Jewish law) or more kosher than what we eat. B'ezrat Hashem (with Hashem's help), we're going to take a look at a very interesting situation that's very common. The Lashon Hara (evil speech) that's forbidden is not so apparent. I mean, if I say, “Watch out for this guy; he's a crook,” or “This guy doesn't stop eating,” or “He's lazy,” or anything negative—“Watch yourself”—that's Lashon Hara. However, there are things you might say or may not say that don't seem to be directly Lashon Hara, and yet could be a violation, a serious violation of the Halacha (Jewish law). Committee meetings—meetings behind closed doors in a business—happen to be very dangerous situations. Not only while a person is in the meeting, but also after the person has exited the meeting, and for some time after as well.
Now, people don't like to say no. A salesman hates to say no. I've had much experience with what we call bad orders: wrong delivery, wrong price, not enough time to make it, not enough time to ship it, just because somebody couldn't say no. And sometimes a person wants to reject an offer, and the no is difficult to say. If this is true when rejecting a price or a product, it's certainly true when you're trying to reject a person.
The Chafetz Chaim cautions us about Lashon Hara after the fact in the Laws of Lashon Hara. Of course, he doesn't use chapters; he calls them Klalim (principles). This is in Klal Bet, the second chapter, having to do with Halacha Yud Aleph 11. A few people get together. They want to decide on firing somebody, promoting somebody, demoting somebody, putting somebody on leave, or reducing a salary. This person's fate is in the hands of the people in the meeting. It could even be you as a vendor, with people deciding whether they should accept your offer of a product.
When rejection is the result of the consensus, the natural reaction of each member in the meeting, if confronted, would be, “It wasn't me. I didn't have enough power. I wasn't in control. In fact, I voted for you, but what could I do? I was overruled.” Sounds good. But in effect, it is an aspersion on the other people in the meeting. You were shifting blame. You were party to a firing, party to a demotion, party to a reduction in position or salary. And when confronted, the best you could think of was, “It wasn't me.” There were seven people in the room, and the vote was four to three. And if it's four to three, so guess what? I was in the three, so what could I do? But when you say, “I was outvoted,” you're saying something negative about the people who voted not like you, but against you. “What could I do? I really wanted you, but I was outvoted.” It seems so innocuous. It seems so friendly. But such a statement is a very dangerous form of Lashon Hara because the meeting may decide a person's future.
Blaming someone for a decision might create arguments or strife. If George told me, “I was outvoted,” I might ask, “Were you one of those who voted against me?” He might say, “I can't say. I don't reveal.” So basically, what we've said so far in this very brief class is that people attend meetings to make decisions, and they make innocuous statements afterwards, or so they think, which are serious violations of Lashon Hara.
The person who is the victim of a negative decision might say, “I can't believe they're firing me. I can't believe they reduced my salary. I can't believe it. I can't believe they demoted me.” An attendee of the meeting might say, “I voted for you, but what could I do? I was outvoted.” Now, for those who are hearing this for the first time, you might say, “What could he do?” You cannot reveal the details of a meeting because strife, hurt, and pain could result, and that is Lashon Hara. By defending oneself, you may be speaking Lashon Hara about another person.
Let's say two kids are playing, and Mommy's new carpet has been vacuumed 300 times in three days because she loves it clean. Something spills on the carpet, and she comes in and says, “Who spilled on my carpet?” One of the two children says, “Not me.” That's Lashon Hara about the other person, because if you didn't do it, they did it. So a lot of times, group decisions create an opening. So a lot of times, group decisions open the door for Lashon Hara. The best approach to take is not to speak at all: “I'm sorry I can't reveal what went on. I'm not privy or permitted to reveal what goes on behind closed doors.”
Now, another case: when a group gets together to make a decision to settle a dispute, an individual is subject to a change in their situation. Somebody might say, “You know, I can't believe that meeting came out so harshly against me.” One of the attendees might say, “Well, the truth is, I wanted them to go easy, but I was outnumbered.” It's the same as “I voted for you.” Such statements are forbidden, and they are clear Lashon Hara.
The Chafetz Chaim clarifies that it doesn't matter whether the meeting was closed or open. You cannot disclose information concerning the voting. Even if the person should pressure you or insult you and try to get you to reveal what others did in the meeting or what you did in the meeting, you can't reveal anything having to do with the meeting. By deduction, the person will figure out whom they should like and whom they shouldn't. And that animosity, as we said, is Lashon Hara: negative speech, or speech that breaks the relationship or causes financial damage.
Now, we have to interact, but the laws of Lashon Hara are Hashem's rules and regulations for interacting with other people. If a person does keep the rules of Lashon Hara, even when pressured not to keep the laws of proper speech, the ways of the Torah are pleasant and its ways result in peace. Sometimes hurtful decisions have to be made. During the pandemic, many people had to let people go who didn't have any other source of income or couldn't find another job; people's salaries also had to be reduced, and certain benefits had to be cut. But once a decision is made in a meeting, it's a decision. And there are no individuals who are exempt or liable for the result. It's a group decision. And everyone who made that decision has to be careful not to reveal where he or she was as an individual in making that decision. They can only say what the decision was, without mentioning their stance on the matter.
With a seemingly innocuous “I didn't do it,” the inability to say no, the inability to be truthful, avoiding responsibility, or avoiding an argument, it's always better to say nothing. “I'm sorry. It was a company meeting. It was a shul (synagogue) meeting. It was a yeshiva meeting. It was a group who made a decision. It was a group who made a decision. It was a group who made a decision. And the decision is X, Y, or Z.” But after the decision is made, it's as if there were no individuals in the room. It was a group. You are no different than anybody else in the group. You are responsible, and you are part of the group, and no different than anyone else in the room. And if you try to make that distinction in defense of yourself, you're casting aspersion on the other people. That, my friends, is a serious violation of Lashon Hara, Klal Bet, Halacha Yud Aleph, Chafetz Chaim.
We'll continue with a concept based in Lech Lecha that has a lot to do with your everyday life.