Torah Tuesday: a session on the laws of proper speech. They say, “Lashon Hara (negative speech),” but I like to say, “Lashon HaTov (good speech).”
In learning the laws of the Sefer Chafetz Chaim (One Who Desires Life), and in being in touch with the great sages' culmination of his study of the Torah attitudes towards all types of statements, we've learned that speech is a very potent element of human existence: negative speech, hurtful speech, harmful speech, untrue speech, true speech that is hurtful or harmful, and promises broken or kept. In fact, when Hashem created the human being, he said he blew into his nostrils the breath of life, and life itself is described as the power of speech. So if we learn how to use it, we're fulfilling the will of Hashem, and if we violate the rules, we're actually performing transgressions that are very serious. In fact, in the introduction, we learned how many positive commandments and how many negative commandments are involved in what we call peripheral damage: the violation of those laws by not behaving properly overall.
In Klal 3, which you might call Chapter 3, Paragraphs 3 and 4, the Chafetz Chaim brings up something that you might not think is so harmful. In fact, it's such a common occurrence that the actual transgression is acknowledged but excused through a lack of knowledge of what really constitutes harmful speech, or what we call Lashon Hara. What is that aspect? I call it just joking. When we have a humorous statement made, we always believe the humor is the excuse: the fact that it's funny, or the fact that it is somehow not meant to be harmful, is an excuse to have somebody be the subject—or we might even say the victim—of your Lashon Hara. Think back, if you will, to some point in time when, rather than being the perpetrator, you were the victim. A group of people heard a comment, saw a facial expression, or heard a jab at you, and everybody burst out laughing. And when you demonstrate your hurt, your reaction, the perpetrator will just say, “I was just joking.” “Well, come on, don't you know it was just a joke?” They may laugh because you did something foolish or said something foolish, or because maybe somebody higher up in your work environment might have said, “If you don't get that done by tomorrow, if you don't meet your deadline, I think you'll be taking a long vacation.” It's a threat. It's watered down because it's not direct. And you might have even laughed, knowing that it can't be that he meant that. And yet, after it sinks in, it's not at all amusing. It hurts. And maybe it might even change your boss's view of you, or even worse, your wife's view of you or your children's view of you, because you were the subject of a joke. That means it's not only hurtful speech; it may have peripheral damage.
So, regarding the statement, “I'm just joking; I didn't mean it,” the Chafetz Chaim clearly states that it's not a joke at all. Self-esteem, business esteem, or family relationship esteem was reduced by your statement. So if a joke is derogatory in any way, it's forbidden. So we see here, in our weekly investigation, our weekly visit to the Chafetz Chaim's holy words, that we not only have to look at the words themselves; we have to see the effect, the power of our words to change something in a negative fashion. Let's say, for example, a person tells a story and they don't even mention any names, but maybe through the details that are given over, someone may come to identify the subject of the story. It's considered Lashon Hara. I bet I didn't say.
As we said once in the past few weeks, two children are playing, and something spills on Mom's new carpet or couch. When Mom loses it, she says, “How?” And you say, “It's not me.” And there's only one other person in the room. It's not sure at all. It's forbidden. Not only that—and here's a key point today—let's say this statement in and of itself does not produce any damage today. It doesn't produce or release any destructive force today. It's said, it's laughed at, it's put aside. But if eventually, maybe through time passing, a responsible position opens up or a chance to profit or benefit becomes real, and that person is not given it—it's not offered to him—because what was said a week ago or even a month ago or even a year ago reduced that person's value in somebody else's eyes, that's called delayed harm. Delayed destruction is as bad as immediate destruction. Delayed destruction is not permissible. Just because it didn't happen immediately doesn't mean it's permitted, because if the damage occurs eventually, subsequent to the actual day, time, and place of the statement, it's still damage, and delayed destruction is still destruction.
We see again and again that Hashem is not happy when somebody belittles one of his children. Hashem's displeasure may not be demonstrated openly and clearly. But as we wade through the laws of proper speech, we see it doesn't have to be immediate. It doesn't have to be direct. It doesn't have to be clear. It doesn't have to be in the presence of the person or behind the person's back. It just has to be a negative statement about one of God's children, or a statement that somehow harms one of God's children, even later on. It's called Lashon Hara, and it comes along with all the negative aspects of such speech that we mention day in, day out, week in, week out, in the study of Lashon Hara.
It's not unusual for people to say something that's true and then feel, “Oh, you know something? It's true, and therefore it's not Lashon Hara.” True truth is not only Lashon Hara; it's Lashon Hara because it is true, which is the source of the word—the punishment for improper speech in a better time, when people were better and more likely to react properly when punished openly. Today we don't have that, but the fact that a person speaks truthfully in a negative way means that person may have harmed somebody, may have belittled somebody. They have lowered that person's self-esteem, their esteem in the eyes of others, or their potential for success in the financial world of supporting their family, meeting the right mate or spouse, or getting into the right school. All those statements, when true, are Lashon Hara.
So when it comes to Lashon Hara, my friends, there are no jokes. “Just joking” is not an excuse that works effectively to alleviate or mitigate the responsibility of a person who speaks negatively or harmfully about another of Hashem's family members. In a family, and I hope you all have siblings, everybody is supposed to care for everybody else, and when you speak negatively about one of the other family members, Daddy and Mommy are not happy. In this case, our Father in Heaven will not be happy if you speak about another of his children, even if you're just joking.