We continue our series on family life through the lenses of Mishle and the wisdom of Shlomo HaMelech alav hashalom (peace be upon him). Today, we will be learning a Pasuk (verse) in Perek (chapter) Yud (ten), Pasuk Yud Bet (twelve). Shlomo HaMelech says, “Sin'ah te'orer medanim, ve'al kol pesha'im techaseh ahava,” which means, “Sin'ah te'orer medanim”—hatred arouses fighting—“ve'al kol pesha'im techaseh ahava”: but on all transgressions, love covers up.
This Pasuk in Mishle is without a doubt one of the deepest and most profound Pesukim. It contains within it a most significant and fundamental concept that is so important for daily life. Shlomo HaMelech is teaching us the following: “Sin'ah te'orer medanim”—it is hatred that arouses fighting.
There is a misconception out there, and we are under the influence. The impression, says Shlomo HaMelech, that it is the fighting that brings about animosity and hatred. Because there was a fight that had taken place, because there was an argument and a quarrel between these two individuals, because of that, these two now have sin'ah between them. And there is hatred. Hatred between the two.
Shlomo HaMelech says that this is very far from the truth. That is not correct. He says it is the exact opposite. It is the sin'ah. It is the pre-existing animosity that is me'orer medanim (arouses and brings the fighting). The reason these two are fighting and let that petty thing that happened between them—that small and minor incident, or even a major incident—escalate into fighting and arguing, says Shlomo HaMelech, is that there was some pre-existing hatred and animosity already there. It was there in the heart of that person. It may have been dormant; it may not have been active. But that minor incident, that petty act that happened between them, brought about that pre-existing hatred that was already there in the past. So he is telling us the following: if there are two people who are fighting, it must be because there was already sin between them.
But he says any transgression, even a transgression that is titled as is the highest level of offense—you, it is when a person is rebellious against you. We say means to sin by mistake, means to sin on purpose, intentional. That is the worst offense. That is the highest level of offense, and that is where it's done in a rebellious way, in spite. Even if there is love between those two, it will cover over it. The person will just look away from it. When there is love between two people, even if one seriously wrongs the other person, that friend will overlook it and not take offense.
Shlomo HaMelech here in this Pasuk is teaching us a fundamental and amazing, amazing concept: when we see fighting and bickering between people, says Shlomo, the source of it is that there was pre-existing animosity there. But if there had been love between them, then even the worst transgression—that love between them would have covered over it, and that person would have just easily looked away.
Shlomo HaMelech here is telling us that because there is sin'ah, that's what arouses and brings fighting. And therefore, a person must always think about it. Why is it that he let this escalate to be a fight? It must be because there was sin'ah there. And Shlomo HaMelech here is teaching us a fundamental and amazing concept.
And Shlomo HaMelech tells us that sin'ah is what brought about the fighting. Why is there sin'ah? Why was there a pre-existing hatred and animosity? The rabbis tell us that there could be many reasons for that. Jealousy is usually on top of the list. Sometimes a person is jealous of another person, and therefore, in his heart, there is a grudge and hatred growing little by little against the other person. And then, when an incident happens, it could be a minor incident, and of course, if it's a major incident, that will bring about that hatred to manifest itself, and that grudge will re-exert itself, it will reawaken, and that is what brings about the fighting between the two.
But if that grudge and that hatred were not there, then even the worst transgression would not have brought any fighting between them, because “ve'al kol pesha'im techaseh ahava”—when there is love, then even the worst offense is looked away from. This is what I meant when we said that this Pasuk contains within it a very, very fundamental and significant concept.
And a person has to realize, says Shlomo HaMelech, that the root of most fighting between people is a pre-existing sin'ah. Because if there was a pre-existing ahava, if there was a tremendous love between the two, then no transgression and no offense and no evil act will justify bringing about a machloket (dispute) between the two.
Just like a father who loves his child so much and a mother who loves her child so much, over there, no matter what the child does to his parents, there is always techaseh ahava, the love will cover over it. They will overlook it, no matter how serious the offense is. Because when there is love, then no matter how severe that transgression or offense is, it is overlooked.
So why is there fighting? Why is there arguing? Why are they not talking to one another, says Shlomo? Because there was already a pre-existing sin'ah. There was animosity there in the heart. There was a grudge. There was hatred there. And when this little offense, when this minor act took place, it aroused that anger. It aroused that hatred. And now that person uses this opportunity of that minor act to justify and bring to life that hatred that he had inside.
And therefore, we must keep this lesson, which is so, so important, in mind, to know that if there is arguing between two people, we should know that the source of it is unfortunately a hidden and pre-existing sin'ah.
Have a wonderful day.