We continue our series on family life through the lenses of Mishlei, through the lenses of the wisdom of Shlomo HaMelech. Today, we will discuss a pasuk (verse) in Perek (chapter) 11, Pasuk 17. Shlomo HaMelech is teaching us that a person who does kindness with others, a person who is an ish chesed (a man of kindness), in return, he is gomel nafsho. He does good for his soul. He does good for himself.
But on the other hand. But if he is cruel to others, that only brings harm and trouble to oneself. However, there are those who learn this pasuk differently. Rashi learns that the word nafsho in this pasuk means his close relatives, his household, his family. Gomel nafsho: one who does kindness and does good with his family. Ish chesed—that is a true ish chesed. Ve'ocher she'ero achzari: but one who harms, one who is cruel to his relatives and to his family, that's a true ish chesed. That's a person who is cruel.
So Shlomo HaMelech here is teaching us that if we want to measure a person and see if he is truly an ish chesed, we ask: Is he a kind person? Shlomo HaMelech says, according to the way Rashi is learning this pasuk, that the barometer is to see if he does chesed at home. Is he one who only does chesed outside of the home? Is he kind with others, with his friends, with his neighbors, with his community members? But then, when it comes to his wife and to his children, he neglects them, and he's not kind at home. He does not show the warmth and love that he shows outside, but he does not show it inside. Shlomo HaMelech says that is the barometer, that is the way to measure if a person is truly an ish chesed. If he does kindness with his soul—his soul meaning his household, his family, his wife, his children—that's an indication that he is truly an ish chesed.
You know, we see this with Avraham Avinu, who was known to be the ish chesed, like it says, Titen emet leYaakov, chesed leAvraham (You will give truth to Jacob, kindness to Abraham). Avraham Avinu was known for his chesed. Was Avraham Avinu a person who neglected his family, his wife, and his son? The Torah goes out of its way in Parashat Chayei Sarah to speak at length about how Avraham Avinu went to try to find a burial for Sarah Imeinu: so many pesukim, so many repetitive pesukim. And then again, when it comes to the shidduch of him finding a wife for his son Yitzchak, so many pesukim are dedicated to Avraham Avinu finding a shidduch for his child.
Why is that so? Why does the Torah speak so much about the chesed that Avraham Avinu does for his wife and for his son? But when it comes to the chesed that Avraham Avinu was known for, doing chesed for the entire world, the Torah does not speak much about it. The Torah here is teaching us that Avraham Avinu knew his priorities. As much as Avraham Avinu was a man of chesed, and he did chesed for the entire world, for his entire city and country, he was out there helping and aiding those who were in need, whether it was the widows, whether it was the orphans, whether it was the poor. But the Torah here is telling us that Avraham Avinu never forgot his priorities. And his wife and children were on top. His wife and children were a priority. And that is why the Torah speaks at length about the chesed that Avraham Avinu does for his wife and his children, to tell you that as much as Avraham was a chesed doer on the outside, he knew very well that chesed in the home takes precedence and is a priority.
And this is what Shlomo HaMelech is teaching us according to the interpretation of Rashi. If you want to know if a person is truly an ish chesed, is he truly a kind man, a kind person? The barometer is to see: How is he with nafsho? How is he with his family? If he is gomel nafsho, if he shows kindness, warmth, and love in the home with his wife and his children, that is an indication that he is truly an ish chesed, a man of kindness.